Sometimes I can't believe it and sometimes I feel relief when I look at the calendar and see that I'm at my marker of being cancer free for a whole year!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!
Last year, on August 18 I walked out of the hospital at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center having completed my 4th and final round of chemotherapy. I remember ringing the bell on my way out and dancing with my precious Momma to "Hit The Road Jack." I can't help but smile and even laugh at the song now. My mom and I were all decked out in green and purple foil streamer wigs and looking pretty crazy; me with my bald head and Momma probably crying tears of joy, JoY, JOY! Andrew and Jonathan were trailing behind carrying all of the stuff from my last stay. I should've made Andrew take all the stuff to the car, come back up, and then dance all the way to the car with us. I think Jonathan was too little to be out of the stroller without causing trouble. :) I can guarantee you though, Jonathan would be dancing now! He certainly knows how to and we dance together often during the day!
Something I started earlier this month when I was thinking about my year out marker coming up, was to go back and read through my blog posts from the very beginning. Well, it didn't take long for me to be in tears. I had only read 2 posts and I felt like a fountain. As I was reading I remember just sitting back a couple of times amazed that I even went through what I did. Then almost immediately after those kind of thoughts I was overwhelmed with how great God was and is to me. OH MY WORD! Since I was a little girl, I was taught Jesus will never leave me. I have without a shadow of doubt experienced that through my cancer mountain climb. There were times that I felt God was far off or wasn't hearing my cries for help, but I knew deep down in my soul the many promises from the Bible that talk about God's presence.
My biggest take away from my journey with cancer has been in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I knew (pointing to my head) a lot of things about Jesus and how He loves me, but now I KNOW (pointing to my heart) the love and faithfulness of my Savior in a whole new way. I have a hunger like never before for God's Word and letting my light shine so that others see Jesus in me. I am able to find blessings in struggles, learn so much more about the character of God, and by the power of the blood of Jesus fight back Satan, his demons and his lies with an intensity that is fresh each day.
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the earth hear his voice
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the people rejoice
Oh come to the Father
Through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory
Great things He has done!!!!!!!
I'd like to extend one last thank you to EVERYONE who encouraged me with cards, texts, emails, gifts, and so much more. The love that was showered out by you, the body of Christ, was pleasantly overwhelming and I am forever grateful to each and every one of you.
Yes, I am thankful for all the above things, but most of all, I am grateful for the who knows how many number of prayers that were offered before the throne of our King on my behalf. Prayer works!!! I'm here to tell ya!
It is with great love and appreciation that I end this blog. I'm walking on with faith and an excitement to see what the Lord has next for me.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
One year
I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to get this up. Just so everyone knows, my last scan was clear! Thank you Jesus. Now I will have them every 3 months instead of 2. I don't meet with my oncologist for another couple months.
The MRI tech. I had was named Dante. I've had him several times throughout this last year. When I went in the last time, he recognized me and began telling me how much of an inspiration I am to him. I just smiled and pointed up.
After my scan was complete, for some reason I started crying. I get pretty anxious every time I go in and I'm not sure if it was my nerves or what. Dante asked me what was wrong and I told him they were happy tears...happy that he was able to get the needle in my vein for the contrast with one poke, happy that the scan was only 45 minutes long, and happy to be done with the whole process. He laughed, helped me sit up and then gave me a big hug.
I don't know why those things freak me out, but they do. You'd think I'd be used to them since I've had so many.
So we're in August and that means one great thing. I'll be a year out from my last chemo treatment sometime this month. I don't remember the exact date. Thank you Jesus for bringing me through a year with clear scans and gradual healing to my body.
As far as how I feel goes, I'm afraid to say I feel very close to normal. I still feel like I have to take a nap with Jonathan in the afternoon to make it through the remainder of the day. On days I don't get the nap, I almost fall into bed at night.
Along with how I'm feeling, I'm able to do much more around the house. Laundry, dishes and taking care of Jonathan is getting slightly easier. I'm not saying I'm supermom or anything. I've tried to make a habit of making a list for what I need to do each day with errands to run, things to do around the house or places to go.
All the time, God is good! He continues to help me each moment of every day and I am so thankful for His presence.
That's all for now, folks!
The MRI tech. I had was named Dante. I've had him several times throughout this last year. When I went in the last time, he recognized me and began telling me how much of an inspiration I am to him. I just smiled and pointed up.
After my scan was complete, for some reason I started crying. I get pretty anxious every time I go in and I'm not sure if it was my nerves or what. Dante asked me what was wrong and I told him they were happy tears...happy that he was able to get the needle in my vein for the contrast with one poke, happy that the scan was only 45 minutes long, and happy to be done with the whole process. He laughed, helped me sit up and then gave me a big hug.
I don't know why those things freak me out, but they do. You'd think I'd be used to them since I've had so many.
So we're in August and that means one great thing. I'll be a year out from my last chemo treatment sometime this month. I don't remember the exact date. Thank you Jesus for bringing me through a year with clear scans and gradual healing to my body.
As far as how I feel goes, I'm afraid to say I feel very close to normal. I still feel like I have to take a nap with Jonathan in the afternoon to make it through the remainder of the day. On days I don't get the nap, I almost fall into bed at night.
Along with how I'm feeling, I'm able to do much more around the house. Laundry, dishes and taking care of Jonathan is getting slightly easier. I'm not saying I'm supermom or anything. I've tried to make a habit of making a list for what I need to do each day with errands to run, things to do around the house or places to go.
All the time, God is good! He continues to help me each moment of every day and I am so thankful for His presence.
That's all for now, folks!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
What's Going On
Today, I went to an appointment with my Oncologist to go over my most recent scans from early May. They came back clear, but he still wanted to check on my over all health and have labs run. If my next scan, next month is clear, Dr. Wanko said we could move the MRI scans from every 2 months to every 3 months. I'm a fan of that!
My oncologist also was inquisitive about how much longer Andrew and I will be here in Maryland. Since Andrew has had 7 surgeries on his feet, he's done with all that. I don't blame him! Next year his commitment time will be completed and he will be up for reenlistment. Andrew was only planning on staying in if it was beneficial for my health with staying with my doctors or if it had anything to do with getting his feet fixed. Dr. Wanko mentioned today that he'd like to observe me until my 2 year mark out of chemo.
As for my overall health check up, the doctor was very pleased with my progress, except my weight loss. I've changed some things in my diet lately, like eating more raw fruits and vegetables. I don't crave sweets and greasy foods, thank you Jesus! Anyway, I've lost 5 lbs. in the last month, so please pray along with me on either maintaining this weight or gaining at least the 5 lbs. back that I've lost.
That's what's going on right now. Still relying on the Lord to help me each moment of every day with being a wife and a momma. He is faithful and gives me lots of opportunities to share of His goodness with those around me.
My oncologist also was inquisitive about how much longer Andrew and I will be here in Maryland. Since Andrew has had 7 surgeries on his feet, he's done with all that. I don't blame him! Next year his commitment time will be completed and he will be up for reenlistment. Andrew was only planning on staying in if it was beneficial for my health with staying with my doctors or if it had anything to do with getting his feet fixed. Dr. Wanko mentioned today that he'd like to observe me until my 2 year mark out of chemo.
As for my overall health check up, the doctor was very pleased with my progress, except my weight loss. I've changed some things in my diet lately, like eating more raw fruits and vegetables. I don't crave sweets and greasy foods, thank you Jesus! Anyway, I've lost 5 lbs. in the last month, so please pray along with me on either maintaining this weight or gaining at least the 5 lbs. back that I've lost.
That's what's going on right now. Still relying on the Lord to help me each moment of every day with being a wife and a momma. He is faithful and gives me lots of opportunities to share of His goodness with those around me.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Most Recent Scan
I had my routine, every 2 months MRI on Friday. This time when I went in, the scan only took 45 minutes instead of 2 hours. The scan was of my brain and not my spine. Even though the scan was significantly shorter than previous ones, I still took Ativan to calm any anxiety. As I said before my scan was much shorter. A 45 minute scan of just my brain should be the new normal. My oncologist said there was no need to scan the spine and/or to do any spinal taps. I was SO glad to hear that!
I received a call from my oncologist yesterday telling me my results. He said the scans were clear!! Thank you Jesus, my Healer! I'll be seeing the doctor next month to go over the scans in more detail. Dr. Wanko (oncologist) also said that my scans can probably be moved from every 2 months to every 3. :) WooHoo!!
I will give another update after the appointment with Dr. Wanko.
I received a call from my oncologist yesterday telling me my results. He said the scans were clear!! Thank you Jesus, my Healer! I'll be seeing the doctor next month to go over the scans in more detail. Dr. Wanko (oncologist) also said that my scans can probably be moved from every 2 months to every 3. :) WooHoo!!
I will give another update after the appointment with Dr. Wanko.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Pain With A Touch Of Peace
So far this month has been quite the rollercoaster ride. I thought after chemo, the whole serious sickness and side effects would slow down and I'd have a somewhat smoother ride with little dips every now and then. Well, this past weekend, God decided to allow another trial to remind me of His love for me.
I try to take Jonathan on a walk around our apartment complex each week day and sometimes on the weekend. This past Saturday, I noticed some pain in my right foot when I reached home and was unloading everything. I took my shoes off thinking I had tied them too tight or just walked too far without a break. I had a hard time putting full weight on my foot because it felt bruised, so I limped just a tad when walking. By the evening, the pain had increased a little bit and I took of my sock to see if anything was wrong. I noticed on the inside of my foot, by my ankle some redness and then on the outside of my foot what looked like some kind of spider or bug bite. I had Andrew look at it after dinner to see what he thought it was. He didn't think it was a bite because there were no puncture marks ... just redness and a little knot. I went to bed hoping it all would be better the next morning so we could go to church. I was wrong. When I got out of bed Sunday morning, I had a much bigger limp and the pain had increased even more. I was at the point that I wanted to be seen by a doctor because a place had shown up on my shin, as well. Each red spot was very tender to touch and if pressure of any kind was placed on it I was hurting quite a bit. So off to the ER we went. Andrew was glad that I told him it felt worse and that I wanted to get it checked out.
Once at the hospital, I was put in a room fairly quickly. I sort of expected an IV and/or blood work, so I drank as much water as I could beforehand. By then, I had seen five different doctors. They all came in, looked at my leg and foot, poked around, and then left after saying, "Im not sure what it is." It was frustrating to say the least. One doctor thought it was one thing while another physician guess something else. I already have white coat syndrome so the lack of confidence in my diagnosis was not reassuring at all. I had been praying about these painful spots since they appeared, but now I was praying with a little more urgency. I asked God to help them figure out what was wrong without having to run too much more testing, which would often involve pain with poking, prodding, and me feeling like I could pass out. The final doctor that I saw was a Rheumatologist (sp). He said he was often the one called when other doctors and nurses couldn't figure things out. After taking a look at my "rare" case, he put in orders for antibiotics, something for pain and inflammation, and a biopsy with the Dermatologist. He said the biopsy would be a simple punch test and it would help them know exactly what was going on underneath the skin. God opened the door for an appointment the next day, rather than 4 days later, like the ER doctor said it would most likely happen. That's when my anxiety went up a little. I was thinking a biopsy would not only mean more pain because it was a needle, but also because the needle would be in the most tender spot of all the sores, in my shin.
I'm not the type to go look up what procedures involve and exactly what is done or things like that. I did that once a couple years ago and almost had an anxiety attack. I won't do that again. The main thing I wanted to know was if I needed to prepare mentally for any pain. The doctor said I'd be fine. I knew what he meant and I didn't like it.
The next morning, we went to the Dermatologist. After talking about the procedure of the punch test, the doctor showed me the tool he would use and explained in a little more detail exactly what he'd do. I was ready to throw up. I must have looked terrified because he quickly told me that I would have a numbing agent so I wouldn't feel anything. I was pretty relieved after hearing that! I knew lidocaine was painful when injected, but I also knew I could get through it. I had lidocaine both times with my port placement and removal. The "bee sting" as the doctor called it. HA! Yeah right! More like 10 bees stinging you at the same time.
So the nurse injected the lidocaine and then the doctor started. At first I couldn't feel anything, but then all of the sudden I felt this extremely sharp pain and it felt like the doctor was slowly tearing my skin away, leaving an open wound. I squeezed Andrew's arm as hard as I could and tried super hard to get a strong "OW" out. It was such a strong pain that I could barely talk and almost passed out. It hurt so bad I couldn't even cry.
The doctor had the nurse inject more lidocaine each time I told him I could feel anything. Each time I'd feel pain I cried out "Jesus help me!!" If you want to know the details of the procedure, you'll have to ask Andrew. I get pretty sick to my stomach just thinking about the whole appointment. Needless to say, I was SO glad when the procedure was finished. It took me a while to slow my breathing. While I was laying on the table trying to focus on not hyperventilating, Andrew had to sit down. He was as white as a sheet and was feeling like he was going to faint. I guess what he saw the doctor do was pretty hard to watch. Andrew was in the chair, I was on the exam table, and Jonathan was in the stroller by the door. We were a mess. The nurse was watching us all pretty closely.
I thought we were done with everything and were about to go home. We had our discharge papers and then the doctor said, "Oh I'd like you to have some labs done, too." I thought that meant we'd come back the next day or later on in the week. Nope! So down to the lab and pharmacy we went. When we got there I told Andrew that I was going to complain for a second. I told him it wasn't bad enough that I had that excruciating pain just minutes ago, but now I'll be poked again! I was having a hard time living out joy. A very difficult time. The Lord was still right there by my side. He allowed the tech there to get the needle in the first time and blood flowed as needed.
I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I was in the car and on the way home. I made myself count my blessings of the morning and the whole ordeal of the infection coming up in the first place. Here are some things Jesus brought to my mind ...
- I'm thankful I have a husband who was able to take me to be seen by a doctor sooner rather than later.
- I'm thankful for a clean ER that I could be seen and treated in.
- I'm thankful for the several doctors and nurses I saw that were trying to help diagnose me and help me feel better.
- I'm thankful for the Dermatologist and yes, even the painful procedure to accurately diagnose the infection and possible cause.
- I'm thankful for medicine that helps relieve pain, gives me rest, and works to fight any infection I have.
- I'm thankful that I had Andrew to squeeze when I was hurting.
- I'm thankful the nurse gave me crutches.
- I'm thankful Jonathan behaved.
- I'm thankful Jesus never left my side.
- I'm thankful the whole dang procedure is DONE!
Here are some ways you can be praying in the coming days ...
* Complete healing
* Medicine works
* Biopsy results and blood work come back with answers to help further treatment and prevention in the future
* Pray I will never have to have this again ... please!!!!
My next MRI is May 3. I'll post again after that.
I try to take Jonathan on a walk around our apartment complex each week day and sometimes on the weekend. This past Saturday, I noticed some pain in my right foot when I reached home and was unloading everything. I took my shoes off thinking I had tied them too tight or just walked too far without a break. I had a hard time putting full weight on my foot because it felt bruised, so I limped just a tad when walking. By the evening, the pain had increased a little bit and I took of my sock to see if anything was wrong. I noticed on the inside of my foot, by my ankle some redness and then on the outside of my foot what looked like some kind of spider or bug bite. I had Andrew look at it after dinner to see what he thought it was. He didn't think it was a bite because there were no puncture marks ... just redness and a little knot. I went to bed hoping it all would be better the next morning so we could go to church. I was wrong. When I got out of bed Sunday morning, I had a much bigger limp and the pain had increased even more. I was at the point that I wanted to be seen by a doctor because a place had shown up on my shin, as well. Each red spot was very tender to touch and if pressure of any kind was placed on it I was hurting quite a bit. So off to the ER we went. Andrew was glad that I told him it felt worse and that I wanted to get it checked out.
Once at the hospital, I was put in a room fairly quickly. I sort of expected an IV and/or blood work, so I drank as much water as I could beforehand. By then, I had seen five different doctors. They all came in, looked at my leg and foot, poked around, and then left after saying, "Im not sure what it is." It was frustrating to say the least. One doctor thought it was one thing while another physician guess something else. I already have white coat syndrome so the lack of confidence in my diagnosis was not reassuring at all. I had been praying about these painful spots since they appeared, but now I was praying with a little more urgency. I asked God to help them figure out what was wrong without having to run too much more testing, which would often involve pain with poking, prodding, and me feeling like I could pass out. The final doctor that I saw was a Rheumatologist (sp). He said he was often the one called when other doctors and nurses couldn't figure things out. After taking a look at my "rare" case, he put in orders for antibiotics, something for pain and inflammation, and a biopsy with the Dermatologist. He said the biopsy would be a simple punch test and it would help them know exactly what was going on underneath the skin. God opened the door for an appointment the next day, rather than 4 days later, like the ER doctor said it would most likely happen. That's when my anxiety went up a little. I was thinking a biopsy would not only mean more pain because it was a needle, but also because the needle would be in the most tender spot of all the sores, in my shin.
I'm not the type to go look up what procedures involve and exactly what is done or things like that. I did that once a couple years ago and almost had an anxiety attack. I won't do that again. The main thing I wanted to know was if I needed to prepare mentally for any pain. The doctor said I'd be fine. I knew what he meant and I didn't like it.
The next morning, we went to the Dermatologist. After talking about the procedure of the punch test, the doctor showed me the tool he would use and explained in a little more detail exactly what he'd do. I was ready to throw up. I must have looked terrified because he quickly told me that I would have a numbing agent so I wouldn't feel anything. I was pretty relieved after hearing that! I knew lidocaine was painful when injected, but I also knew I could get through it. I had lidocaine both times with my port placement and removal. The "bee sting" as the doctor called it. HA! Yeah right! More like 10 bees stinging you at the same time.
So the nurse injected the lidocaine and then the doctor started. At first I couldn't feel anything, but then all of the sudden I felt this extremely sharp pain and it felt like the doctor was slowly tearing my skin away, leaving an open wound. I squeezed Andrew's arm as hard as I could and tried super hard to get a strong "OW" out. It was such a strong pain that I could barely talk and almost passed out. It hurt so bad I couldn't even cry.
The doctor had the nurse inject more lidocaine each time I told him I could feel anything. Each time I'd feel pain I cried out "Jesus help me!!" If you want to know the details of the procedure, you'll have to ask Andrew. I get pretty sick to my stomach just thinking about the whole appointment. Needless to say, I was SO glad when the procedure was finished. It took me a while to slow my breathing. While I was laying on the table trying to focus on not hyperventilating, Andrew had to sit down. He was as white as a sheet and was feeling like he was going to faint. I guess what he saw the doctor do was pretty hard to watch. Andrew was in the chair, I was on the exam table, and Jonathan was in the stroller by the door. We were a mess. The nurse was watching us all pretty closely.
I thought we were done with everything and were about to go home. We had our discharge papers and then the doctor said, "Oh I'd like you to have some labs done, too." I thought that meant we'd come back the next day or later on in the week. Nope! So down to the lab and pharmacy we went. When we got there I told Andrew that I was going to complain for a second. I told him it wasn't bad enough that I had that excruciating pain just minutes ago, but now I'll be poked again! I was having a hard time living out joy. A very difficult time. The Lord was still right there by my side. He allowed the tech there to get the needle in the first time and blood flowed as needed.
I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I was in the car and on the way home. I made myself count my blessings of the morning and the whole ordeal of the infection coming up in the first place. Here are some things Jesus brought to my mind ...
- I'm thankful I have a husband who was able to take me to be seen by a doctor sooner rather than later.
- I'm thankful for a clean ER that I could be seen and treated in.
- I'm thankful for the several doctors and nurses I saw that were trying to help diagnose me and help me feel better.
- I'm thankful for the Dermatologist and yes, even the painful procedure to accurately diagnose the infection and possible cause.
- I'm thankful for medicine that helps relieve pain, gives me rest, and works to fight any infection I have.
- I'm thankful that I had Andrew to squeeze when I was hurting.
- I'm thankful the nurse gave me crutches.
- I'm thankful Jonathan behaved.
- I'm thankful Jesus never left my side.
- I'm thankful the whole dang procedure is DONE!
Here are some ways you can be praying in the coming days ...
* Complete healing
* Medicine works
* Biopsy results and blood work come back with answers to help further treatment and prevention in the future
* Pray I will never have to have this again ... please!!!!
My next MRI is May 3. I'll post again after that.
Friday, April 5, 2013
When One Door Closes Another Opens
This past week I had an important appointment I think I mentioned would be coming up. About a month ago I had some bloodwork done on my hormones to check levels and then additional labs were sent off to take a closer look at my numbers from my ovaries. They were elevated and my gynecologist wanted to know why.
Yesterday, I went in to talk with her about the results and what everything meant. The elevated number from my ovaries was 38, where menopausal women are at 40. She told me that I have premature ovarian failure. Which means I'm not producing any eggs and therefore will not be able to get pregnant. This is a side effect from radiation and the high toxicity of my chemo regimen. I was given Lupron shots, that shut my ovaries down during treatment, in hopes of saving the eggs I did have. It didn't work.
My options for having more children are to either go through a donor egg program or adopt. In vitro fertilization is not an option for us since my ovaries are not working at all. Andrew and I are not wanting to do the donor egg option.
Some may know already, but I'll tell you all for those who do not know. Andrew and I have a passion to adopt internationally. We'd like to adopt a girl from China and a boy from Africa. God gave me the passion some time during my college years. Andrew showed interest when we talked about it during our engagement. There was a time last year when I doubted if God wanted us to adopt internationally or if it was something I made up. After doing some research and hearing from others that have been through an adoption process, it was discouraging to see the amount of money it would take just to get started. I know the Lord will provide.
I believe and know with all my heart that God was preparing me for this appointment. Months ago He had been speaking into my heart about spiritually developing Jonathan and being intentional. He gave me a peace more and more with each day that passed about having Jonathan as our only biological child. When the doctor gave us the news I think she was surprised at how calm we were. She was probably wondering why I didn't have any tears. I told her that God had been working on my heart to hear what she had told us and I'm okay. Thank you Jesus we have our sweet Jonathan to build up and watch grow.
Now I'm not saying I didn't shed ANY tears over the news. My heart did break in hearing, "You cannot have anymore children" and it was pretty hard to tell my family. Everyone has been wonderful about it, though. I have been given reminders to praise the Lord for mine and Andrew's passion for adopting and to get excited about the precious child I have in Jonathan. I love him on a totally different level now. :)
In almost all of the research I've done previously on adopting from China, I found that the age requirement is for both parents must be at least 30 years old. That gives us about 4-5 years before we can start anything. By then Jonathan should be in school and I could handle another small child. I have no idea what we're getting into with all of this, but I am certain that in time, God will give me and Andrew peace about decisions that need to be made and will walk with us through this journey. He is faithful!
So that's the latest in our lives right now. A little setback, but we serve a BIG God. He is the joy of my life and I will not let the devil take it away from me.
Yesterday, I went in to talk with her about the results and what everything meant. The elevated number from my ovaries was 38, where menopausal women are at 40. She told me that I have premature ovarian failure. Which means I'm not producing any eggs and therefore will not be able to get pregnant. This is a side effect from radiation and the high toxicity of my chemo regimen. I was given Lupron shots, that shut my ovaries down during treatment, in hopes of saving the eggs I did have. It didn't work.
My options for having more children are to either go through a donor egg program or adopt. In vitro fertilization is not an option for us since my ovaries are not working at all. Andrew and I are not wanting to do the donor egg option.
Some may know already, but I'll tell you all for those who do not know. Andrew and I have a passion to adopt internationally. We'd like to adopt a girl from China and a boy from Africa. God gave me the passion some time during my college years. Andrew showed interest when we talked about it during our engagement. There was a time last year when I doubted if God wanted us to adopt internationally or if it was something I made up. After doing some research and hearing from others that have been through an adoption process, it was discouraging to see the amount of money it would take just to get started. I know the Lord will provide.
I believe and know with all my heart that God was preparing me for this appointment. Months ago He had been speaking into my heart about spiritually developing Jonathan and being intentional. He gave me a peace more and more with each day that passed about having Jonathan as our only biological child. When the doctor gave us the news I think she was surprised at how calm we were. She was probably wondering why I didn't have any tears. I told her that God had been working on my heart to hear what she had told us and I'm okay. Thank you Jesus we have our sweet Jonathan to build up and watch grow.
Now I'm not saying I didn't shed ANY tears over the news. My heart did break in hearing, "You cannot have anymore children" and it was pretty hard to tell my family. Everyone has been wonderful about it, though. I have been given reminders to praise the Lord for mine and Andrew's passion for adopting and to get excited about the precious child I have in Jonathan. I love him on a totally different level now. :)
In almost all of the research I've done previously on adopting from China, I found that the age requirement is for both parents must be at least 30 years old. That gives us about 4-5 years before we can start anything. By then Jonathan should be in school and I could handle another small child. I have no idea what we're getting into with all of this, but I am certain that in time, God will give me and Andrew peace about decisions that need to be made and will walk with us through this journey. He is faithful!
So that's the latest in our lives right now. A little setback, but we serve a BIG God. He is the joy of my life and I will not let the devil take it away from me.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Looking Up
Last week, I had a routine appointment with my oncologist to go over my MRI results. He said overall things look clear and good. Two scans ago, a spot showed up in another part of my brain. Not in the same area my previous tumor was. He said that it had not grown since this most recent scan, but he wanted to keep an eye on it. He wasn't concerned about it, yet.
Other news he gave me was about my future scans. Right now, each MRI is every 2 months. He would like me to continue with that schedule until my year anniversary of stopping chemo, which is in August. Now, instead of having a 2 hour scan, it should be cut down. He doesn't think it's necessary to scan the spine any longer, so he just wants to have the brain scanned & evaluated. Yay!!! Yay God!! What a blessing!
I also had quite a bit of blood work done last week, as well. My gynecologist sent off blood work to see if I can have anymore children. The first blood test came back with some pretty elevated numbers for my ovaries. "Normal" numbers are around 12 & under. Mine were 38. An infertility specialist was consulted & more blood was sent off for a specialized test. The other blood work was sort of routine for my oncologist to check my levels.
So this is the latest on all that is going on. Right now, I'm taking care of 2 guys at home. Andrew is still recovering from his foot surgery. He will return to work in early April. We're praying this surgery did the trick for his overall pain in his feet. He had the left one done this time & the right one will probably be done later on this year. I've lost count of how many foot surgeries Andrew has had. I think it's something like 7. Needless to say, he's been through quite a lot. And of course, I'm taking care of the little man, too. Right now, we're learning obedience & consequences of disobedience. My, my what a fun little game! I'm trying my best to be consistent. God has helped me. He's revealed a lot about himself during this time of discipline. I'm sure He doesn't like to hear me whine just like it drives me crazy with Jonathan.
Ways to pray:
- MRI spot to end up being scar tissue or something like that
- Blood tests from gynecologist
- Andrew's healing process
Other news he gave me was about my future scans. Right now, each MRI is every 2 months. He would like me to continue with that schedule until my year anniversary of stopping chemo, which is in August. Now, instead of having a 2 hour scan, it should be cut down. He doesn't think it's necessary to scan the spine any longer, so he just wants to have the brain scanned & evaluated. Yay!!! Yay God!! What a blessing!
I also had quite a bit of blood work done last week, as well. My gynecologist sent off blood work to see if I can have anymore children. The first blood test came back with some pretty elevated numbers for my ovaries. "Normal" numbers are around 12 & under. Mine were 38. An infertility specialist was consulted & more blood was sent off for a specialized test. The other blood work was sort of routine for my oncologist to check my levels.
So this is the latest on all that is going on. Right now, I'm taking care of 2 guys at home. Andrew is still recovering from his foot surgery. He will return to work in early April. We're praying this surgery did the trick for his overall pain in his feet. He had the left one done this time & the right one will probably be done later on this year. I've lost count of how many foot surgeries Andrew has had. I think it's something like 7. Needless to say, he's been through quite a lot. And of course, I'm taking care of the little man, too. Right now, we're learning obedience & consequences of disobedience. My, my what a fun little game! I'm trying my best to be consistent. God has helped me. He's revealed a lot about himself during this time of discipline. I'm sure He doesn't like to hear me whine just like it drives me crazy with Jonathan.
Ways to pray:
- MRI spot to end up being scar tissue or something like that
- Blood tests from gynecologist
- Andrew's healing process
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Lord Heard My Cry
Yesterday, I was supposed to have a MRI. I had been praying all week and asking God to heal the cold I've had for 2 weeks. I didn't know how I'd make it through it without coughing and sneezing lots. Andrew was supposed to pick me up an hour before and his bus home was late. An hour late. With such a big delay, we called the nurse at the MRI office and asked her if she still wanted us to come in knowing we would be so late. She had us reschedule for next month. Now yesterday was quite eventful for me and Jonathan, at home.
For lunch, I planned on making pizzas from the freezer. I turned the oven on and after it was preheated, I put the pizzas in. About 5 minutes into cooking, the smoke detectors in the apartment started blaring. Jonathan came running from the living room, crying and just stood looking up at me with his arms up. I think he was scared and the alarm hurt his ears. I went around the kitchen opening as many windows as I could. After the alarm had been going for quite a while I tried to think of what else I needed to do to stop it before someone called the fire dept. thinking we weren't home. I went to the office and opened that big window and then came back in the living room to try to think and not panic. Jonathan was on my hip the whole time crying. I said out loud, "Jesus, help me!!" Next I remembered I had one more area I could open and headed straight for the door of the apartment. I opened the door and a minute later a big gust of wind came through and went in the house. Soon after, the alarms shut off! Jesus heard my prayers and sent me wind to quiet not just smoke detectors, but my crying toddler too!
I just had to share how God helped us out yesterday. He watches out for ALL of our needs. He hears every cry for help. His arm is not too short to bring assistance.
I pray you experience God's help in your life, when you need it. He is ever-present.
For lunch, I planned on making pizzas from the freezer. I turned the oven on and after it was preheated, I put the pizzas in. About 5 minutes into cooking, the smoke detectors in the apartment started blaring. Jonathan came running from the living room, crying and just stood looking up at me with his arms up. I think he was scared and the alarm hurt his ears. I went around the kitchen opening as many windows as I could. After the alarm had been going for quite a while I tried to think of what else I needed to do to stop it before someone called the fire dept. thinking we weren't home. I went to the office and opened that big window and then came back in the living room to try to think and not panic. Jonathan was on my hip the whole time crying. I said out loud, "Jesus, help me!!" Next I remembered I had one more area I could open and headed straight for the door of the apartment. I opened the door and a minute later a big gust of wind came through and went in the house. Soon after, the alarms shut off! Jesus heard my prayers and sent me wind to quiet not just smoke detectors, but my crying toddler too!
I just had to share how God helped us out yesterday. He watches out for ALL of our needs. He hears every cry for help. His arm is not too short to bring assistance.
I pray you experience God's help in your life, when you need it. He is ever-present.
Friday, January 11, 2013
One Step Closer
Yesterday I had my port removed. As many of you know, I was pretty nervous about this procedure because I knew pain would be involved. When my medi-port was put in around this time last year, I was sedated (so that means awake & fully aware of what was going on) and knew everything that was happening. The lidocaine injection hurt pretty bad. That was one of the biggest reasons for my anxiety upon going in to have my port removed. Well, let me tell you how God provided comfort and peace before the minor surgery.
Before I was taken back to the OR, I changed into the hospital gown and an IV was started. I was told at the time an IV was needed so I could have the sedation medicine. My nurses name was Aaron. He was retired Army and in his 40's. Before he started my IV, I asked him if he was good with needles. He told me he had a background with NICU and had dealt with small veins several times. I then told him I was a preemie and we chatted about that for a little bit. So ... attempt one ... he went straight through the vein. Attempt 2, he tried to "float" the needle in. After the second attempt, as politely as I could without punching him in the face, I asked for someone else to poke me. Someone that could actually do it right, ya know?! So another Army nurse came in and said he was as good as gold. I laughed and commented, "Yeah ... that's what he said (pointing to Aaron)." Jesus must be good at IV's too because I believe that's why it went in. To me, the IV would be the second worst part of the whole procedure. It proved to be true.
About an hour after all the needle pokes and misses I was taken back to the OR and prepped for surgery. The prep stuff only adds to the anxiety because you see, feel, and hear them getting everything ready. At this point, my Mom would probably say, "That's when you thank Jesus for all of your senses." Ha ... I'm very thankful for my senses, but in those moments it was pretty hard to thank the Lord for them. I asked one of the techs when they'd give me the sedation medicine and she looked at me puzzled and said, "What sedation medicine?" Oh my word!!! I was ready to jump of the table. I really didn't think I was able to get through the procedure without it. I was then asked if I had anything for breakfast. Well, the nurse that called me earlier in the week failed to tell me that since I was wanting sedation I shouldn't eat anything before surgery. I had a waffle for breakfast, thinking I needed to eat something to help my usual morning nausea. I guess that was a bad idea. The tech then told me that she couldn't give me sedation since I had something to eat. I was so aggravated and frustrated after hearing that. I was mad that an IV was even started for no reason. Especially with how hard it was to get a vein. (I later learned an IV is started regardless just in case it is needed during surgery for any emergency) So the Lord helped me with Ativan instead.
The procedure began with the painful lidocaine injection. When the port was placed, I cried when given the injection because it hurt so bad. This time all I could get out was, "Jesus help me" about four times. I think the nurse next to me thought I was crazy. After the lidocaine, the tugging and pulling began. In about 10 minutes I was being stitched up. So YAY GOD! He brought me through!
When I was back in my little curtained off room, in recovery, the Army nurse, Aaron came back in to check on me and see how everything went. He also apologized again for not getting my IV the first time. Before he left, I asked him if I could pray with him. (I like to pray with all my nurses and doctors) When I finished praying, Aaron kept holding my hand and started praying for me! I was so surprised. I think he was the first nurse that has ever prayed for me WITH me. It was such a blessing!
I woke up this morning thanking Jesus that the procedure was done and over with and for helping me through it. Now that the port is gone, I'm one step closer to complete healing. :)
Things to pray for:
- that the incision site of my port will not get infected and that it will heal perfectly fine
- Aaron the Army nurse - that God will bless him for taking a stand and praying with a patient
Before I was taken back to the OR, I changed into the hospital gown and an IV was started. I was told at the time an IV was needed so I could have the sedation medicine. My nurses name was Aaron. He was retired Army and in his 40's. Before he started my IV, I asked him if he was good with needles. He told me he had a background with NICU and had dealt with small veins several times. I then told him I was a preemie and we chatted about that for a little bit. So ... attempt one ... he went straight through the vein. Attempt 2, he tried to "float" the needle in. After the second attempt, as politely as I could without punching him in the face, I asked for someone else to poke me. Someone that could actually do it right, ya know?! So another Army nurse came in and said he was as good as gold. I laughed and commented, "Yeah ... that's what he said (pointing to Aaron)." Jesus must be good at IV's too because I believe that's why it went in. To me, the IV would be the second worst part of the whole procedure. It proved to be true.
About an hour after all the needle pokes and misses I was taken back to the OR and prepped for surgery. The prep stuff only adds to the anxiety because you see, feel, and hear them getting everything ready. At this point, my Mom would probably say, "That's when you thank Jesus for all of your senses." Ha ... I'm very thankful for my senses, but in those moments it was pretty hard to thank the Lord for them. I asked one of the techs when they'd give me the sedation medicine and she looked at me puzzled and said, "What sedation medicine?" Oh my word!!! I was ready to jump of the table. I really didn't think I was able to get through the procedure without it. I was then asked if I had anything for breakfast. Well, the nurse that called me earlier in the week failed to tell me that since I was wanting sedation I shouldn't eat anything before surgery. I had a waffle for breakfast, thinking I needed to eat something to help my usual morning nausea. I guess that was a bad idea. The tech then told me that she couldn't give me sedation since I had something to eat. I was so aggravated and frustrated after hearing that. I was mad that an IV was even started for no reason. Especially with how hard it was to get a vein. (I later learned an IV is started regardless just in case it is needed during surgery for any emergency) So the Lord helped me with Ativan instead.
The procedure began with the painful lidocaine injection. When the port was placed, I cried when given the injection because it hurt so bad. This time all I could get out was, "Jesus help me" about four times. I think the nurse next to me thought I was crazy. After the lidocaine, the tugging and pulling began. In about 10 minutes I was being stitched up. So YAY GOD! He brought me through!
When I was back in my little curtained off room, in recovery, the Army nurse, Aaron came back in to check on me and see how everything went. He also apologized again for not getting my IV the first time. Before he left, I asked him if I could pray with him. (I like to pray with all my nurses and doctors) When I finished praying, Aaron kept holding my hand and started praying for me! I was so surprised. I think he was the first nurse that has ever prayed for me WITH me. It was such a blessing!
I woke up this morning thanking Jesus that the procedure was done and over with and for helping me through it. Now that the port is gone, I'm one step closer to complete healing. :)
Things to pray for:
- that the incision site of my port will not get infected and that it will heal perfectly fine
- Aaron the Army nurse - that God will bless him for taking a stand and praying with a patient
Friday, January 4, 2013
Encouragement In A Time Of Need
As I was reading through Isaiah this morning God just spoke right to me, starting in verse 10. Here's what it said...
10 - See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.
11- He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gather the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
Now I'm not sure exactly what this is all about, but what I came away with was that Jesus holds me close to his heart and he helps me raise Jonathan.
This week started my days at home and alone with Jonathan. Andrew leaves around 7:30 and returns home from work around 6:00 each night, during the week. Last week, before Andrew started back to work, I was pretty discouraged about being by myself and taking care of Jonathan. He was waking up at 5:15 and 5:30 and I was so tired by 10:00. I was almost in tears a couple hours after breakfast because I knew I had until right after lunch before it was time for a nap. On mornings that Jonathan wakes up between 5:15 and 5:30, I get up looking forward to nap time. That sounds terrible, but it's true.
So this morning, when I was doing my devotion, I was encouraged by the passage I read. I know God helps me with everything; but when I ready that he gently lead those that have young, it was like a bite of a rice crispy treat. (I really like those, by the way.) I set out for the day with confidence that Jesus was going to help me get through each minute, hour, and day with watching Jonathan. I love my little boy so very much and enjoy watching him learn. He is such a blessing in my life.
Tomorrow's Saturday!! That means Andrew can get up with Jonathan in the morning and give me a little break.
Oh ... here's an update on my health stuff. Next week on Tuesday and Wednesday, I have appointments. For Tuesday, I'll be going to the dentist to have cavities filled. Not looking forward to the needle. On Wednesday, I will be having my port taken out. Please pray extra for this procedure. I will be awake. I remember having the port put in and I recall pain when they numbed me up. The doctor told me it would feel like a bee sting, but it felt like I had been put over a burner on a stove. I just laid there and cried. I couldn't squeeze the nurses hand or anything. BUT, Jesus brought me through it! He'll be with me and bring me through this, too. So please pray for courage as I go in for that. I'll give an update after everything is over.
Have a great week in Jesus!
10 - See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.
11- He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gather the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
Now I'm not sure exactly what this is all about, but what I came away with was that Jesus holds me close to his heart and he helps me raise Jonathan.
This week started my days at home and alone with Jonathan. Andrew leaves around 7:30 and returns home from work around 6:00 each night, during the week. Last week, before Andrew started back to work, I was pretty discouraged about being by myself and taking care of Jonathan. He was waking up at 5:15 and 5:30 and I was so tired by 10:00. I was almost in tears a couple hours after breakfast because I knew I had until right after lunch before it was time for a nap. On mornings that Jonathan wakes up between 5:15 and 5:30, I get up looking forward to nap time. That sounds terrible, but it's true.
So this morning, when I was doing my devotion, I was encouraged by the passage I read. I know God helps me with everything; but when I ready that he gently lead those that have young, it was like a bite of a rice crispy treat. (I really like those, by the way.) I set out for the day with confidence that Jesus was going to help me get through each minute, hour, and day with watching Jonathan. I love my little boy so very much and enjoy watching him learn. He is such a blessing in my life.
Tomorrow's Saturday!! That means Andrew can get up with Jonathan in the morning and give me a little break.
Oh ... here's an update on my health stuff. Next week on Tuesday and Wednesday, I have appointments. For Tuesday, I'll be going to the dentist to have cavities filled. Not looking forward to the needle. On Wednesday, I will be having my port taken out. Please pray extra for this procedure. I will be awake. I remember having the port put in and I recall pain when they numbed me up. The doctor told me it would feel like a bee sting, but it felt like I had been put over a burner on a stove. I just laid there and cried. I couldn't squeeze the nurses hand or anything. BUT, Jesus brought me through it! He'll be with me and bring me through this, too. So please pray for courage as I go in for that. I'll give an update after everything is over.
Have a great week in Jesus!
Monday, December 24, 2012
A Lesson From Jesus & Paul
Each morning, I try to have quiet time with a devotional and prayer. This time used to be before Jonathan woke up around 8:00. Now, the new rise and shine time is 6:30. Therefore, I stay in bed until I hear him. I'm not a fan of getting up at 5:30 unless I absolutely have to. So my quiet time for devotions and Bible reading has moved to breakfast with Jonathan.
Over the last year I've been doing my quiet times by going through books that Beth Moore wrote. Each has been a 90 study on a person from the Bible. I've done Jesus and David and right now I'm on Paul. I just love how God speaks to me precisely where I'm at in life. He offers encouragement, peace, instruction, and so much more!
This morning, the passage in Acts was about when Paul was being transferred Caesarea. In other words, from one place to another. Throughout the passage, you can read how there were prayers offered up on behalf of Paul while he was traveling and to be bold in Jesus in the next place in sharing God's love with others.
We should never underestimate the effects of our prayers for others. A dear friend of mine reminded me last year that each prayer releases the power of God. You guys have seen God's power this last year, right? I certainly have! I know that God can deliver anyone from anything at any time. He doesn't need any help. Yet He invites us to be part of His great work through prayer. If we don't intercede for one another, we miss opportunities to see His deliverance and thank Him for His faithfulness. (this was all so skillfully written by Beth Moore ... definitely not me!) God is faithful!
I just had to share what God showed me this morning. It was too good to keep to myself. I pray you are able to enjoy the blessing of a growing relationship with Jesus.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas with family and friends. Have a great time celebrating the reason for the season ... Jesus!
Over the last year I've been doing my quiet times by going through books that Beth Moore wrote. Each has been a 90 study on a person from the Bible. I've done Jesus and David and right now I'm on Paul. I just love how God speaks to me precisely where I'm at in life. He offers encouragement, peace, instruction, and so much more!
This morning, the passage in Acts was about when Paul was being transferred Caesarea. In other words, from one place to another. Throughout the passage, you can read how there were prayers offered up on behalf of Paul while he was traveling and to be bold in Jesus in the next place in sharing God's love with others.
We should never underestimate the effects of our prayers for others. A dear friend of mine reminded me last year that each prayer releases the power of God. You guys have seen God's power this last year, right? I certainly have! I know that God can deliver anyone from anything at any time. He doesn't need any help. Yet He invites us to be part of His great work through prayer. If we don't intercede for one another, we miss opportunities to see His deliverance and thank Him for His faithfulness. (this was all so skillfully written by Beth Moore ... definitely not me!) God is faithful!
I just had to share what God showed me this morning. It was too good to keep to myself. I pray you are able to enjoy the blessing of a growing relationship with Jesus.
I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas with family and friends. Have a great time celebrating the reason for the season ... Jesus!
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
MRI results
Last Friday I had an MRI done. I always go in prepared to be in the machine for around 2 hours, wear my earplugs, take my Ativan, calm myself for the needle poke for the contrast, and also to freeze my tail off. I drank a ton of water that morning so my veins would be plump for the contrast injection. I'm always paranoid about it. Needless to say, I had to go to the bathroom quite a bit.
I arrived on time and pretty much went in. After I changed into my gown and was laying on the cold and hard table, I asked for a blanket. Guess what?! This time, they gave me one; and it was heated! Miracle #1. I know that may seem dumb, but the 1st MRI I had at this hospital, I remember shaking uncontrollably because I was so cold. By the time I was given the blanket, I realized I should have worn warmer socks. I made a mental note for the next MRI in 2 months. The imaging started and I was quickly reminded of how loud it is to get an MRI. I wanted to cry. Even though I had earplugs in, it still felt like I was hearing a jackhammer right next to me. About 20 minutes into the scan I opened my eyes for a split second and saw how enclosed I was. Big mistake! I had a mini panic attack. All I remember is wanting to squeeze the ball they give you to alert them if you're having a problem and telling them I'd have to do this on another day and then praying. I wanted to cry but didn't want my nose to stop up so I couldn't breathe. Finally, after what felt like hours, I was rolled out of the machine and then contrast put in. I told the tech. doing it that he only had one chance to get the needle in. If he couldn't, then get someone who is good with needles and small veins. Then I prayed again. He was good with needles and got it in on the first try. After finishing with that, I told him thank you and that he did a good job. I also let him know that I had been praying for him the whole time he was poking me. He laughed and said, "Me too!" Oh and he let me use the restroom. It was a much needed break not only because I drank a ton that morning, but also because I was out of the machine for 5 minutes. Another miracle.
We finished the MRI and then I cried. I was just so overwhelmed. Then it hit me. I had forgotten to take my Ativan that morning! No wonder I was freaking out inside the machine! I WON'T forget that next time, for sure. So, I'm glad the MRI for these 2 months is over and I don't have another one for another 2 months. I'm looking forward to the day when the dr starts spacing them out even more.
My results came out clear, praise the Lord. Another miracle! My oncologist was very happy with my current progress. He took me off a couple more meds and said that should help with my nausea.
This Friday, I have another important dr. visit with the gynecologist. I'll find out answers to questions like if I can get pregnant again and other girly stuff.
Here's how to pray:
- Gynecology appt. on Friday at 1:45 - pray that I remember all of the questions I'd like answered.
- My health - I have a bad cold. Please pray it doesn't turn into bronchitis.
I arrived on time and pretty much went in. After I changed into my gown and was laying on the cold and hard table, I asked for a blanket. Guess what?! This time, they gave me one; and it was heated! Miracle #1. I know that may seem dumb, but the 1st MRI I had at this hospital, I remember shaking uncontrollably because I was so cold. By the time I was given the blanket, I realized I should have worn warmer socks. I made a mental note for the next MRI in 2 months. The imaging started and I was quickly reminded of how loud it is to get an MRI. I wanted to cry. Even though I had earplugs in, it still felt like I was hearing a jackhammer right next to me. About 20 minutes into the scan I opened my eyes for a split second and saw how enclosed I was. Big mistake! I had a mini panic attack. All I remember is wanting to squeeze the ball they give you to alert them if you're having a problem and telling them I'd have to do this on another day and then praying. I wanted to cry but didn't want my nose to stop up so I couldn't breathe. Finally, after what felt like hours, I was rolled out of the machine and then contrast put in. I told the tech. doing it that he only had one chance to get the needle in. If he couldn't, then get someone who is good with needles and small veins. Then I prayed again. He was good with needles and got it in on the first try. After finishing with that, I told him thank you and that he did a good job. I also let him know that I had been praying for him the whole time he was poking me. He laughed and said, "Me too!" Oh and he let me use the restroom. It was a much needed break not only because I drank a ton that morning, but also because I was out of the machine for 5 minutes. Another miracle.
We finished the MRI and then I cried. I was just so overwhelmed. Then it hit me. I had forgotten to take my Ativan that morning! No wonder I was freaking out inside the machine! I WON'T forget that next time, for sure. So, I'm glad the MRI for these 2 months is over and I don't have another one for another 2 months. I'm looking forward to the day when the dr starts spacing them out even more.
My results came out clear, praise the Lord. Another miracle! My oncologist was very happy with my current progress. He took me off a couple more meds and said that should help with my nausea.
This Friday, I have another important dr. visit with the gynecologist. I'll find out answers to questions like if I can get pregnant again and other girly stuff.
Here's how to pray:
- Gynecology appt. on Friday at 1:45 - pray that I remember all of the questions I'd like answered.
- My health - I have a bad cold. Please pray it doesn't turn into bronchitis.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Home Sweet Home
Well, we've been home for a little over a week now and it's nice to be back. We (me, Andrew & Jonathan) had a wonderful time during our visit to AZ. We stayed with Philip & Angela & Jonathan tried learning how to share toys with Parker. We need a little more practice. He wasn't very nice about it. Another exciting event while in AZ, besides Thanksgiving was how I was able to be a part of one of my previous student's baptism. In his testimony video, Aidan shared how he wanted Miss Lindsey to baptize him, but knew that it would require me to fly all the way out there and that it most likely wouldn't happen. Well, we surprised him and we had the joy together to take that next step in his walk with Jesus. I love seeing kids grow in Jesus!! We were able to visit with lots of friends that feel like family. We also were able to say goodbye this time. It's been almost a year since I up & left & was diagnosed with brain cancer. I'm so thankful that my family was able to make the trip.
The Thursday after we returned I met with my speech therapist at home. She has told me, pretty much from the beginning, how she didn't think I needed her. She thought my memory was fine. Anyway, Thursday was my last visit with her at my house. She was going to refer me to an out patient clinic to continue working, but said I didn't need it. As long as I use my strategies, such as writing things down, making lists, etc. I was able to invite my speech therapist to church. So yay God! No more speech therapy & and invite too!
The next day, Friday, I had an MRI. It was very hard for me this time. I opened my eyes for a split second and saw how enclosed I was and had a mini panic attack. I just prayed my way through it. I don't know how many times I prayed "Jesus help me." Sometimes I cried it. I knew I could get through it, because God had brought me through them before. It was just a very challenging test this time. Since I have MRI's every 2 months now, I'll have to remember to take my Ativan so I'll be calm and hopefully fall asleep. I'm not sure how long the results take. This MRI will also reveal what the bump on my head is.
This past weekend we went to Walmart (a 30 minute drive for us) and Lowe's to buy our Christmas tree. We found our favorite frozen Chinese food & birthday supplies for Jonathan's upcoming special day & finally, we found our pretty tree.
On Sunday, there was a surprise at church. The Watoto Children's Choir from Africa was there! I love watching and hearing African children praise the Lord. They have so much passion! If you get a chance, go to youtube.com & type in "Watoto Children's Choir Not Forgotten" you will be blessed for sure. I told Andrew that Heaven had to be like hearing those kids sing. It was too much fun!
Coming this week I have an appointment with my oncologist. I have no idea what this visit is for. Probably just to check in & go over the MRI results.
Ways to pray ...
- results of MRI to be clear
- my witness to Sabrina (speech therapist) & that she experienced Jesus when she was with me
- bump on my head to be nothing serious
The Thursday after we returned I met with my speech therapist at home. She has told me, pretty much from the beginning, how she didn't think I needed her. She thought my memory was fine. Anyway, Thursday was my last visit with her at my house. She was going to refer me to an out patient clinic to continue working, but said I didn't need it. As long as I use my strategies, such as writing things down, making lists, etc. I was able to invite my speech therapist to church. So yay God! No more speech therapy & and invite too!
The next day, Friday, I had an MRI. It was very hard for me this time. I opened my eyes for a split second and saw how enclosed I was and had a mini panic attack. I just prayed my way through it. I don't know how many times I prayed "Jesus help me." Sometimes I cried it. I knew I could get through it, because God had brought me through them before. It was just a very challenging test this time. Since I have MRI's every 2 months now, I'll have to remember to take my Ativan so I'll be calm and hopefully fall asleep. I'm not sure how long the results take. This MRI will also reveal what the bump on my head is.
This past weekend we went to Walmart (a 30 minute drive for us) and Lowe's to buy our Christmas tree. We found our favorite frozen Chinese food & birthday supplies for Jonathan's upcoming special day & finally, we found our pretty tree.
On Sunday, there was a surprise at church. The Watoto Children's Choir from Africa was there! I love watching and hearing African children praise the Lord. They have so much passion! If you get a chance, go to youtube.com & type in "Watoto Children's Choir Not Forgotten" you will be blessed for sure. I told Andrew that Heaven had to be like hearing those kids sing. It was too much fun!
Coming this week I have an appointment with my oncologist. I have no idea what this visit is for. Probably just to check in & go over the MRI results.
Ways to pray ...
- results of MRI to be clear
- my witness to Sabrina (speech therapist) & that she experienced Jesus when she was with me
- bump on my head to be nothing serious
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Sharing some blessings ...
Since it's been so long since my last post, it's time I share the blessings God has given me over the past couple months. Just to update from the last post on Andrew ... he had the surgery and healed just fine. He said it doesn't feel as if it helped, but we'll still go through with the other foot. We just aren't sure of when. He did have a reaction to the betadyne (sp) they used for surgery and had a very irritating rash. So as a result, he'll be seeing an allergist, I think, to figure out just what exactly he's allergic to.
Not too long after Andrew had his surgery, I had my shunt removal. So now I am shunt free! Before the shunt removal, the doctors had to do a test where they injected a dye in the shunt I had to see if it wasn't working. They only wanted to take it out if my body was doing everything on it's own. I was really nervous about the procedure because it involved a needle in my head while I was awake. I remember crying when the dr. told me. I was pretty scared. The Lord held my right hand and we made it through it together. :)
So I had my surgery and then two weeks later, which ended up this past Tuesday, we went back in for a wound check. The PA said everything looked great and to come back on December 19. I now can sit at home without a big white bandage on my head. I only put the bandage on if I'm going out and want to wear my hat.
Last week I had a day long appointment with a psychologist to evaluate what sort of speech therapy I will need. My at home nurse informed me that speech therapy helps with memory so that's why they've signed me up to begin. The tests were quite difficult. After I explained to Andrew what sort of questions were asked, he said they sounded very similar to IQ testing. I was in tears by the end of the appointment. For a lot of the questions that I couldn't answer I felt dumb or like a failure. I often felt overwhelmed and just wanted to get out of there. But the Lord helped me through that too.
My at home nurse comes 3 times a week to help with my memory. I've been playing solitaire and boggle a lot lately. Please pray for me next week because I meet with my nurse on Monday & Tuesday & then I have another 2 hour appointment with the psychologist right before we leave for an out of town visit at 12:00. I'm thinking I'll be overwhelmed again! But God is going to help me just like He has up to this point.
That's all for now. We'll be going to church tomorrow. Hopefully Jonathan will stay in his class instead of cry. :) I know he can do it!
Things to pray for:
- Psych. appointment on Wednesday
- Travel mercies on Wednesday & Sunday
I'll be praying with you all. Y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving. Be sure to count your blessings too!
Not too long after Andrew had his surgery, I had my shunt removal. So now I am shunt free! Before the shunt removal, the doctors had to do a test where they injected a dye in the shunt I had to see if it wasn't working. They only wanted to take it out if my body was doing everything on it's own. I was really nervous about the procedure because it involved a needle in my head while I was awake. I remember crying when the dr. told me. I was pretty scared. The Lord held my right hand and we made it through it together. :)
So I had my surgery and then two weeks later, which ended up this past Tuesday, we went back in for a wound check. The PA said everything looked great and to come back on December 19. I now can sit at home without a big white bandage on my head. I only put the bandage on if I'm going out and want to wear my hat.
Last week I had a day long appointment with a psychologist to evaluate what sort of speech therapy I will need. My at home nurse informed me that speech therapy helps with memory so that's why they've signed me up to begin. The tests were quite difficult. After I explained to Andrew what sort of questions were asked, he said they sounded very similar to IQ testing. I was in tears by the end of the appointment. For a lot of the questions that I couldn't answer I felt dumb or like a failure. I often felt overwhelmed and just wanted to get out of there. But the Lord helped me through that too.
My at home nurse comes 3 times a week to help with my memory. I've been playing solitaire and boggle a lot lately. Please pray for me next week because I meet with my nurse on Monday & Tuesday & then I have another 2 hour appointment with the psychologist right before we leave for an out of town visit at 12:00. I'm thinking I'll be overwhelmed again! But God is going to help me just like He has up to this point.
That's all for now. We'll be going to church tomorrow. Hopefully Jonathan will stay in his class instead of cry. :) I know he can do it!
Things to pray for:
- Psych. appointment on Wednesday
- Travel mercies on Wednesday & Sunday
I'll be praying with you all. Y'all have a Happy Thanksgiving. Be sure to count your blessings too!
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Prayers for Andrew
My sweet hubby goes in for his 6th foot surgery. This time doctors will be taking hardware out. Hopefully this will help with the pain he's been having. We won't know if he'll have the same surgery on his right foot until we see if it works for the left. We will be there at 6:15 to start the process.
Praying for:
- Andrew foot surgery to remove hardware
- His recovery (only supposed to be 2 weeks
- Surgeons
Thanks guys!
Praying for:
- Andrew foot surgery to remove hardware
- His recovery (only supposed to be 2 weeks
- Surgeons
Thanks guys!
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
The Prognosis
Yesterday, after labs, I met with a new doctor. He's a neurologist (brain dr.) I figured it would be the routine examination, questions, and then the dr. would tell me when to go back for labs. Instead I was met with some quite shocking news. I remember I just sort of sat through the appointment and then vented when I got home. The prognosis is as follows ...
To my understanding, this is what the dr. said. I have 2-5 years and my cancer will reoccur, we just don't know when. Like I said, SHOCKING! The news was not a possibility, it was more like a probability. I didn't even know what to say in the office. I was thankful for the dr. laying it all out for me, honestly and completely. Oh yeah ... MRIs every 2 months.
When I got home I cried to Andrew and Mom about how hard it was to be strong still knowing what lies ahead. I cried about the unknown. I felt mad about doing all my treatments for nothing. (Probably not the case, since I'm here now). And for the first time with this whole cancer stuff, I asked God why? I was aggravated that no one else had told me the tumor would return before, if they knew it. I was told my tumor was 100% resected, at the beginning of my journey.
By the end of the night, after many tears, I knew sleep would help. This morning, I got up and was reminded of the words of encouragement my Mom and Andrew had offered the night before. God is still in control. This hasn't taken Him by surprise. and God WILL get glory if my cancer returns. They were both very helpful in pointing out God's hand in things and listening to my unreasonable fears. Even now, I can't write about all this without crying.
So that's where we're at right now. Every 2 months we'll do MRIs. I'll still do my labs.
To my understanding, this is what the dr. said. I have 2-5 years and my cancer will reoccur, we just don't know when. Like I said, SHOCKING! The news was not a possibility, it was more like a probability. I didn't even know what to say in the office. I was thankful for the dr. laying it all out for me, honestly and completely. Oh yeah ... MRIs every 2 months.
When I got home I cried to Andrew and Mom about how hard it was to be strong still knowing what lies ahead. I cried about the unknown. I felt mad about doing all my treatments for nothing. (Probably not the case, since I'm here now). And for the first time with this whole cancer stuff, I asked God why? I was aggravated that no one else had told me the tumor would return before, if they knew it. I was told my tumor was 100% resected, at the beginning of my journey.
By the end of the night, after many tears, I knew sleep would help. This morning, I got up and was reminded of the words of encouragement my Mom and Andrew had offered the night before. God is still in control. This hasn't taken Him by surprise. and God WILL get glory if my cancer returns. They were both very helpful in pointing out God's hand in things and listening to my unreasonable fears. Even now, I can't write about all this without crying.
So that's where we're at right now. Every 2 months we'll do MRIs. I'll still do my labs.
Monday, September 24, 2012
Jesus Loves Me
Today I had labs and an appointment with my oncologist about the PET scan and MRI from last week. Only the PET scan was ready for viewing. Now earlier while praying for courage for the IV part, I asked God to make the scans as clear as a reflection if something was wrong. I was thankful though, when Dr. Wanko told me the PET scan looked clean. MRIs will be read later & I see them again next week.
On our way out there was a young man playing "Jesus Loves Me" on a piano in the main lobby. I didn't think anything of it other than, "Hey I know that song!" Later on, when we got home, Mom asked if I had heard what he was playing. It's like God was saying, "See? I took care of something else for ya! I love you!" When I got home, I looked up the lyrics for the song and found a super cool line. It goes ...
Jesus loves me! Loves me still
When I'm very weak and ill
From His shining throne on high
Come to watch me where I lie
Is that not the coolest thing ever?!?!? I love little gifts like that from my Heavenly Father. He's so good to me!
My counts for blood work were all good. The dr. was very happy to see those. Still waiting for the hemoglobin to come up a little more before I have my surgery to remove my shunt.
So that's where we are this week. Mom is going home for a fun camping trip at Disney with Michelle's little family. They are all going to have so much fun!! Pray for their safety.
Yessssss Jesus loves youuuuu!!!! Talk with y'all later!
On our way out there was a young man playing "Jesus Loves Me" on a piano in the main lobby. I didn't think anything of it other than, "Hey I know that song!" Later on, when we got home, Mom asked if I had heard what he was playing. It's like God was saying, "See? I took care of something else for ya! I love you!" When I got home, I looked up the lyrics for the song and found a super cool line. It goes ...
Jesus loves me! Loves me still
When I'm very weak and ill
From His shining throne on high
Come to watch me where I lie
Is that not the coolest thing ever?!?!? I love little gifts like that from my Heavenly Father. He's so good to me!
My counts for blood work were all good. The dr. was very happy to see those. Still waiting for the hemoglobin to come up a little more before I have my surgery to remove my shunt.
So that's where we are this week. Mom is going home for a fun camping trip at Disney with Michelle's little family. They are all going to have so much fun!! Pray for their safety.
Yessssss Jesus loves youuuuu!!!! Talk with y'all later!
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
1,2,3 ... bee sting
Today I had the first of what I think are many scans to come. At 11 this morning, I went in for a PET scan. A PET scan was done to see my current condition with the brain cancer. I had never had one before so I was pretty nervous. Andrew brought home some paperwork that told me what I could and couldn't eat 12 hours before and then what I could and could not have 4 hours before starting. Last night's dinner was chicken and dumplins with greens, corn, and peach cobbler. Oh ... I've taken up drinking .... pot liquor. (For those of you freaking out, pot liquor is the juice from fixin' collard greens.)
In being paranoid about veins not popping up and such, I woke up this morning at 6:15 to eat something for breakfast and then sit and wait until it was time to go. Thank the Lord, I fell back to sleep for an hour after I finished eating breakfast. I didn't just stay awake and dread what was coming. I've done that before.
So the time came to leave and go to the hospital. I took a couple Ativan to calm my nerves. I drank quite a bit of water and then grabbed a warm cloth to hold on my arm on the way.
I went back pretty quick. Normally I'd have Andrew or Mom go back with me for any needle pokes. This time I went by myself. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me earlier to just trust him and see what He could do. He'd helped me with IV's back when I was pregnant and didn't have anyone with me.
After the nurse finished the IV I said out loud, "Thank you Jesus!" The nurse turned around and looked at me and said, "My name is Evette." I went to say thank you to her but she had already walked out the door. When she returned, I mentioned to her that Jesus had made her and that's why I was thankful to have someone who knew what they were doing with a needle. No reply. Another seed planted, I guess. I feel like that seeds thrown fell on the path or rocks.
In the Bible there is a parable about a sower who was planting seeds and then Jesus explained the seeds' landing. The full story can be found in Matthew 13:1-23. It's a pretty neat word picture. If you've read this before, take another look at it. God's Word speaks fresh daily. Ask Him how your "farmin'" is going. OH, and don't forget to pray for the seeds you've planted! God is listening!
I'm gunna run and eat dinner. Andrew cooked tonight! Thank you Jesus for husbands who help in the kitchen. :)
In being paranoid about veins not popping up and such, I woke up this morning at 6:15 to eat something for breakfast and then sit and wait until it was time to go. Thank the Lord, I fell back to sleep for an hour after I finished eating breakfast. I didn't just stay awake and dread what was coming. I've done that before.
So the time came to leave and go to the hospital. I took a couple Ativan to calm my nerves. I drank quite a bit of water and then grabbed a warm cloth to hold on my arm on the way.
I went back pretty quick. Normally I'd have Andrew or Mom go back with me for any needle pokes. This time I went by myself. I felt the Holy Spirit tell me earlier to just trust him and see what He could do. He'd helped me with IV's back when I was pregnant and didn't have anyone with me.
After the nurse finished the IV I said out loud, "Thank you Jesus!" The nurse turned around and looked at me and said, "My name is Evette." I went to say thank you to her but she had already walked out the door. When she returned, I mentioned to her that Jesus had made her and that's why I was thankful to have someone who knew what they were doing with a needle. No reply. Another seed planted, I guess. I feel like that seeds thrown fell on the path or rocks.
In the Bible there is a parable about a sower who was planting seeds and then Jesus explained the seeds' landing. The full story can be found in Matthew 13:1-23. It's a pretty neat word picture. If you've read this before, take another look at it. God's Word speaks fresh daily. Ask Him how your "farmin'" is going. OH, and don't forget to pray for the seeds you've planted! God is listening!
I'm gunna run and eat dinner. Andrew cooked tonight! Thank you Jesus for husbands who help in the kitchen. :)
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Ding, Ding, Ding!
In and through Jesus, I have now completed my fourth and final round of chemo! On the way out, I rang the bell to mark my race run being done. Now, it's the recovery journey. I've been told since it took 4 months to go through chemo, I need to at least give myself that much time to start feeling normal again. Maybe some traveling in the future? I ache to see family in FL and friends in AZ.
I went in for labs today and was feeling pretty crummy from the neupogen shots. I later found out it's because they in essence give you the flu-like soreness throughout your body for about 2 weeks to try to boost the white blood cells. Mom and I pray after each shot (nightly). I won't miss these things at all when we're done. Y'all know how I LOVE needles. So one night I thanked God for the pain the medicine caused because that way I knew it was working. I told God it was hard for me to thank him for something that hurt, but I needed to. I am grateful dangit!
I knew I was feeling bad from those shots because it had happened the last 3 rounds of chemo. I was trying to brace myself for this next round of soreness. Yesterday was a pretty tough day and I was not looking forward to labs and being pushed on. God is good, though, and with my LMX (numbing cream) I didn't even feel the needle go in! I like when that happens.
Labs came back fine. They gave me hydration which helped because I was feeling very tired. Feeling a little better now.
Things to pray for:
-Neupogen shots to continue to work.
-My courage with those dang things. It's a daily thing I ask God for.
-Ferrio - the nurse I witnessed to. Pray that God would send someone to water the seed planted.
-Andrew - he's been having headaches a lot lately. I think it's from stress.
-I still struggle with fear of the unknown of recovery, You'd think I'd be fine, but the devil's lies sound pretty good.
So just as so many of you have said, "PRAISE THE LORD!" Jesus has held my hand through treatment and I know he'll hold my hand through recovery.
I went in for labs today and was feeling pretty crummy from the neupogen shots. I later found out it's because they in essence give you the flu-like soreness throughout your body for about 2 weeks to try to boost the white blood cells. Mom and I pray after each shot (nightly). I won't miss these things at all when we're done. Y'all know how I LOVE needles. So one night I thanked God for the pain the medicine caused because that way I knew it was working. I told God it was hard for me to thank him for something that hurt, but I needed to. I am grateful dangit!
I knew I was feeling bad from those shots because it had happened the last 3 rounds of chemo. I was trying to brace myself for this next round of soreness. Yesterday was a pretty tough day and I was not looking forward to labs and being pushed on. God is good, though, and with my LMX (numbing cream) I didn't even feel the needle go in! I like when that happens.
Labs came back fine. They gave me hydration which helped because I was feeling very tired. Feeling a little better now.
Things to pray for:
-Neupogen shots to continue to work.
-My courage with those dang things. It's a daily thing I ask God for.
-Ferrio - the nurse I witnessed to. Pray that God would send someone to water the seed planted.
-Andrew - he's been having headaches a lot lately. I think it's from stress.
-I still struggle with fear of the unknown of recovery, You'd think I'd be fine, but the devil's lies sound pretty good.
So just as so many of you have said, "PRAISE THE LORD!" Jesus has held my hand through treatment and I know he'll hold my hand through recovery.
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Getting closer
This past week seemed like it took forever to happen. On Saturday evening, I started to run a fever of 102. I had to go to the ER because that's what ya do when you get a fever with chemo. I thought I was only going to be there overnight, but it turned into a week long stay. While in the hospital, they gave me antibiotics, potassium, platelets, and a bunch of other stuff through IV. All of it was able to be done through my port, thank you Jesus! Oh and I was able to witness to one of my nurses! It was a corny way .... the donut man way, but it happened and I pray the seed is watered.
Now I'm home for a little break before I go in for my LAST round of chemo. I'm so thankful the Lord has been gracious in allowing me to come home and just breathe, love on my boys and much more before I go in for another week long stay in the hospital. I am getting tired of their food.
I have labs tomorrow and the white blood count levels will determine when chemo begins. I'm ready to get it done and over with.
Praise the Lord:
- out of the hospital
- no more nupegen (sp) shots for a little bit
Things to pray for:
- one of the antibiotics they sent me home with makes me extra nauseas
- that my body will continue to "get ready" for this last round
- my mom - she's been doing so much to help out
- Andrew - has been experiencing some headaches & weird stuff going on with his left arm
Now I'm home for a little break before I go in for my LAST round of chemo. I'm so thankful the Lord has been gracious in allowing me to come home and just breathe, love on my boys and much more before I go in for another week long stay in the hospital. I am getting tired of their food.
I have labs tomorrow and the white blood count levels will determine when chemo begins. I'm ready to get it done and over with.
Praise the Lord:
- out of the hospital
- no more nupegen (sp) shots for a little bit
Things to pray for:
- one of the antibiotics they sent me home with makes me extra nauseas
- that my body will continue to "get ready" for this last round
- my mom - she's been doing so much to help out
- Andrew - has been experiencing some headaches & weird stuff going on with his left arm
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