It's been a while

Last week was pretty challenging. Radiation seemed to go on and on. I sort of figured out a way to distract myself to get through the smell of the radiation when it's scanning my head. I go through the alphabet in sign language on both hands however many times it takes.

The reason why it was so difficult at first was because my nausea was pretty bad that day. I've always been afraid of getting sick on the table because I'm pinned to the table and can't move, so I'm afraid of choking. So that day I just cried afterwards because I couldn't see how it would be possible to make it through 3 minutes of a head scan if I had trouble making it through 30 seconds - 1 minute. I was very discouraged. My dr. told me to double up on my zofran and ativan.

The next discouraging moment was Wednesday. Normally, I have 3 scans then treatment (radiation). I usually count my scans so I know when I'm about 1/2 way through. That day, for some reason I was crooked and they had to do more scans to make sure I was lined up correctly. This time, it wasn't the nausea that bothered me, it was being on the table longer. My tailbone was hurting pretty bad. It's weird because sometimes the masks are super tight, and sometimes they're not. I have to constantly remind myself to relax my shoulders and every other muscle in my body to just get through it. I didn't cry until I was out of the office and just told Mom "I feel like this week is never going to end!" She is a huge support and just held me. :)

Every Wednesday, after radiation, I meet with the radiologist oncologist and a nurse to just go through how I've been feeling the past week. This coming week, I'll fill them in on how my throat is now hurting an eating is a little painful when I swallow. He told me they have "magic mouthwash" that isn't that great, so I went and bought cepacol tablets hoping for relief that way. I told the dr. they should rename that stuff too, if it's not "magic!" Another thing is I told the dr. about my increased nausea, even at home. He told me is was psychological. If you have questions about that, ask my Mom, I can't remember how he explained it. I just remember leaving thinking "This IS NOT all in my head, I KNOW I almost threw up! I KNOW what I'm feeling!"

Last week I also went to the eye doctor. That appt. went well. I was given a prescription for new lenses. My old ones make everything pretty blurry. My eyes still flutter every now and then. But as Dr. Fine said, with time this should all improve.

I also had bloodwork through my port for the 1st time. I was pretty nervous. The nurse told me to hold my breath, and I was thought "oh man, this is gunna hurt if she's telling me to hold my breath already!" Then she poked the needle in, flushed the port, and then took blood. The flushing of the port was my biggest fear. My veins are so small that I remember each time they flushed them from IVs, they would clog and it was painful to unclog them. That nurse said since we're using such a big vein, (jugular) that shouldn't happen. I was so thankful when I couldn't feel it when she flushed it. God is good!!

So that was pretty much my week. I was very grateful for the weekend this time. I'm already looking forward to the next one.

Ways to pray:
That my sign language distraction will continue to be an effective way of distracting myself.

Miracle: That I'll fall asleep during the whole treatment. Since I'm taking 2 ativan, it's possible but it hasn't happened yet. Kind of hard when you feel yourself pinned to the table.

Our household goods are on their way. We should have lots of boxes in the apartment around the 7th or 8th.