Hey everyone. This week holds a lot of tests, but I will tell you about those in a bit. First, I want to share something cool God whispered to me this past week.
During my quiet time last week, a couple things jumped out to me as an aide in my NOW moments. First was about a passage when Luke wrote the prescription for the victorious life. He wrote it for all of us who would desire to become Christ's disciple or His follower: live life one surrendered day at a time. I am so there right now. Living each day as it comes and giving it back to Jesus. I'm thankful for each one He gives me and brings me through.
The second cool thing was how sometimes when Jesus is about to do something really special in our lives, He will rearrange our surroundings. That's exactly what He did for me almost 5 months ago. My surroundings definitely have changed. I wouldn't have it any other way. I know God is using this mountain, though it feels so steep sometimes, to bring growth spiritually.
The past few weeks have been so nice in not having appointments or procedures. I didn't realize how much I needed the break until I was in it. I'm so glad I have one day in between my scans and my surgery this week too. I have to psychologically prepare myself for these kind of things.
So this week I have 3 MRIs, 1 CT scan, pre-op surgery stuff like bloodwork, an EKG, and chest xray, and then on Friday another brain surgery. This is the one where they'll replace the shunt. I was supposed to have this surgery on April 16, but it was postponed. So please pray along with me that all scans come back clear or if something does show up, that it will be so apparent the doctors will know how to treat it.
Another thing you can be praying for is I feel as though I'm getting something, like getting sick. My throat has been scratchy all day and my ears are starting to hurt. I've been taking lots of vitamin C and gargling with warm salt water. I'd hate for this surgery to be postponed again. Chemo can't begin until I've had this surgery and healed completely from it. I know everything happens for a reason, so that's what I'm trusting in.
That's all for now. I'll let you guys know what the chief oncologist says after my Wednesday appointment. I should have a lot more clarity about my chemo plan and lots of questions answered from the previous appointment that put quite the scare in us.
Monday, April 23, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Great is Thy Faithfulness!
The past couple of days, God has revealed His power to me in some new ways! It's so exciting to see Him do things over and over and just take care of me. In the mornings, while my mom or mother-in-law keeps an eye on Jonathan, I eat my breakfast and take my pills in the office so I can have my quiet time. I'm going through a 90 days with Jesus study with Beth Moore and I'm really enjoying it.
On Wednesday morning, after I finished my reading, I started to take my pills. This time, I tried taking them whole and not cut up. I've had to take them quartered for the last at least month because of my gag reflex. At the beginning of this mountain climb, back when I had the salt tablets and all of those supplements, I could take each pill whole with no problem. This is a challenge that has developed fairly recently. So this time, I tried taking it whole and guess what?! It went down with no problem!!!! I just sat there for a minute in shock that I just swallowed a whole pill, without food to help it go down. All of the sudden, a song started going in my heart. The one that goes "God is so good .... God is so good ... God is so good, He's so good to me." Now back when I had the almost unbearable pain in my legs, I was told by someone, I can't remember who, that through my tears and crying out in pain, I sang God is so good. BUT, I do remember not being able to sing the verse of "God answers prayers." In that moment, I felt like God didn't hear a single word I had prayed in asking for some kind of relief. That is the only time in my life that I felt that God had turned His back on me. I now know different. He never left me. He probably cried along with me. I'm so glad that pain is gone and I'm no longer on the steroid that caused it.
That Wednesday, in my heart, I sang "GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!!!!" I remember telling Andrew, can you believe God just did that?! I haven't swallowed a pill whole in a really long time! I shouldn't be surprised by His faithfulness to me, but I was.
There was a split second before taking the pill that doubt crept in and the thought of throwing the calcium & colace in the garbage crossed my mind. After all, I'd take it again at lunch time. But the Holy Spirit, almost instantly spoke to my heart and said "Why do you want to throw away an opportunity to see me work?" I'm so glad I took the pills and then sat in shock at my Jesus' faithfulness in helping me. Yay God!!!
On Wednesday morning, after I finished my reading, I started to take my pills. This time, I tried taking them whole and not cut up. I've had to take them quartered for the last at least month because of my gag reflex. At the beginning of this mountain climb, back when I had the salt tablets and all of those supplements, I could take each pill whole with no problem. This is a challenge that has developed fairly recently. So this time, I tried taking it whole and guess what?! It went down with no problem!!!! I just sat there for a minute in shock that I just swallowed a whole pill, without food to help it go down. All of the sudden, a song started going in my heart. The one that goes "God is so good .... God is so good ... God is so good, He's so good to me." Now back when I had the almost unbearable pain in my legs, I was told by someone, I can't remember who, that through my tears and crying out in pain, I sang God is so good. BUT, I do remember not being able to sing the verse of "God answers prayers." In that moment, I felt like God didn't hear a single word I had prayed in asking for some kind of relief. That is the only time in my life that I felt that God had turned His back on me. I now know different. He never left me. He probably cried along with me. I'm so glad that pain is gone and I'm no longer on the steroid that caused it.
That Wednesday, in my heart, I sang "GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!!!!" I remember telling Andrew, can you believe God just did that?! I haven't swallowed a pill whole in a really long time! I shouldn't be surprised by His faithfulness to me, but I was.
There was a split second before taking the pill that doubt crept in and the thought of throwing the calcium & colace in the garbage crossed my mind. After all, I'd take it again at lunch time. But the Holy Spirit, almost instantly spoke to my heart and said "Why do you want to throw away an opportunity to see me work?" I'm so glad I took the pills and then sat in shock at my Jesus' faithfulness in helping me. Yay God!!!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
God is Working ...
I have to share with you all my latest answered prayers. I think I put in the last post how I had a surgery coming up on April 16. That has been postponed until April 27. Here are some answered prayers within that new date ...
1. I can enjoy my brother-in-law & his family & my sister-in-law coming in this weekend.
2. I am able to meet with the chief oncologist at NIH before the surgery & I should be able to have LOTS more answers on chemo plan & all that.
3. We were told that the shunt will be changed to the one that has the magnetic dial & later removed. I wanted this shunt! So yay God!
4. They can take cerebral fluid from my brain & not need to do the spinal tap!
There was something else, but I can't remember it right now. Anyway, all procedures I was asking you to pray for can be done while I'm under!! Praise the Lord! That helps my anxiety level going into this surgery SO much!
This morning, when I was doing my quiet time, I was reading through the passage that tells of when Jesus brought a girl who was dead, back to life. She was only sleeping. I'm doing a 90 days with Jesus study from Beth Moore and learning a lot. So today was about desperation for Jesus. She asked the question if I knew someone who was or was myself desperate for Jesus. UH YEAH! I can't fight this battle, climb this mountain, or anything else without Him. I'm learning that in a whole new way. I just loved her ending statement talking about Jesus ...
"He is there for the desperate. He specializes in the hopeless. Every time you think of those who are suffering, think of Jesus, who knows the path through dire need."
Pretty cool huh? Now, I don't look at my battle right now as suffering. In a month ... I might. Each day is different. But I DO know & have seen with my own eyes that Jesus knows the path through dire need. I've called out to Him several times, asking Him for help to swallow pills, keep them down, help me gain weight, help me through radiation treatments, help me through labwork, help me through the port procedure, & even help me drink an ensure drink when it tastes over the top sweet.
I just wanted to share how God was working with me lately. He is & I know He will continue. Through your prayers, power has been released. So don't stop! I haven't & won't.
Be blessed!!
1. I can enjoy my brother-in-law & his family & my sister-in-law coming in this weekend.
2. I am able to meet with the chief oncologist at NIH before the surgery & I should be able to have LOTS more answers on chemo plan & all that.
3. We were told that the shunt will be changed to the one that has the magnetic dial & later removed. I wanted this shunt! So yay God!
4. They can take cerebral fluid from my brain & not need to do the spinal tap!
There was something else, but I can't remember it right now. Anyway, all procedures I was asking you to pray for can be done while I'm under!! Praise the Lord! That helps my anxiety level going into this surgery SO much!
This morning, when I was doing my quiet time, I was reading through the passage that tells of when Jesus brought a girl who was dead, back to life. She was only sleeping. I'm doing a 90 days with Jesus study from Beth Moore and learning a lot. So today was about desperation for Jesus. She asked the question if I knew someone who was or was myself desperate for Jesus. UH YEAH! I can't fight this battle, climb this mountain, or anything else without Him. I'm learning that in a whole new way. I just loved her ending statement talking about Jesus ...
"He is there for the desperate. He specializes in the hopeless. Every time you think of those who are suffering, think of Jesus, who knows the path through dire need."
Pretty cool huh? Now, I don't look at my battle right now as suffering. In a month ... I might. Each day is different. But I DO know & have seen with my own eyes that Jesus knows the path through dire need. I've called out to Him several times, asking Him for help to swallow pills, keep them down, help me gain weight, help me through radiation treatments, help me through labwork, help me through the port procedure, & even help me drink an ensure drink when it tastes over the top sweet.
I just wanted to share how God was working with me lately. He is & I know He will continue. Through your prayers, power has been released. So don't stop! I haven't & won't.
Be blessed!!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Thank You!
I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers. I have so many of you remind me of how you are lifting me up and it's very encouraging. Here's what's been going on lately.
My swallowing is without pain (Thank You Jesus!) now, so I can eat easily, just not the normal portion size I did previously. I'd love to tell you I've been eating anything and everything I want, but that hasn't happened yet. In addition to feeling full pretty quickly because I've been eating half the amount I did before, lately everything has been tasting like salt. Momma made some biscuits and gravy the other day and the salt has just stuck with me, for some reason. All day I felt like I had swallowed a salt tablet on an empty stomach. I only did that once while we were staying at the Fisher House. Never again. I was miserable. Talk about a tummy ache! Anyway, since eating that, it hasn't mattered what I eat and sometimes even drink. I just taste salt. I had a green grape today, thinking fresh fruit would be nice ... but the dang grape tasted like salt! Ugh! Oh well, at least I can eat! I was having the problem of anything sweet would taste SUPER sweet and anything salty would taste SUPER salty. So taking pills with strawberry shortcake ... pretty hard. I'm trying hard to gain weight to get ready for chemo, but it's hard. I know, I know ... lots of you are saying, "man, I wish I had a hard time gaining weight."
Sleeping is difficult at night only because the people that live above us sound like a herd of buffalo. I'm not kidding. They must be playing that dance game on the Wii. Last night was the first night in a long time that I slept in the same bed as Andrew. I've been sleeping on the couch sort of propped up, since I was coughing a lot. Not anymore! Yay :o)
Right now, my Momma is back in FL for 2 weeks. She has lots to get done and lots of love to give her boys and the rest of the family down there. She told me my oldest nephew Waylon was so excited to see her that he raised his hands and yelled "Nana!" at the sight of her. Wish I could've seen it.
While my Mom is away, Andrew's Mom is here to help me. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law, so having her with me is a blessing. A BIG blessing! Others in his family are coming in soon.
I'm trying to get back into doing things on my own, so this morning, I got up before Jonathan's dr appt so I could grab him out of the crib. I had Andrew help me because I can only hold him for maybe a minute. He's so stinkin' heavy! 23 lbs. is feeling pretty heavy these days. It's annoying because I want to love on him, but have to sit and then he wants to get down and play. So I woke him up this morning and brought him into the kitchen to get his breakfast (oatmeal) ready. For a split second, everything felt back to normal again. Like I wasn't fighting cancer. But, I was quickly snapped back into reality when I tried to refill the Brita with cold water. The cold water gave off an odor that to me, smelled just like radiation. Now my radiologist would say, "Oh, it's psychological" but from now on, I'll let someone else refill that thing.
On Friday evening, I was thinking of Good Friday and thanking Jesus for his death on the cross for me. But then I got to thinking, this year, I'm thankful for a little more. I'm thankful for the struggle he had in the Garden before he was arrested. I'm grateful for that because in that moment he showed the conflict he was challenged with and how even he wrestled with obeying in faith and not wanting to go forward. I had those feelings almost every Monday, with radiation. I have those feelings now, with chemo. I'm pretty scared of what's to come. I don't know the terrain of this mountain ahead. I don't know how hard the battle will be. But I DO KNOW Jesus hasn't left my side from the beginning until now, and it's not like him to walk away now. I KNOW that just as Isaiah 41:13 says, He will hold my right hand. I need to reclaim my verse from my Team Lindsey shirt and fear NO bad news because I am firmly fixed on trusting the Lord. I feel like singing that song that goes "He's still workin' on me ..." Learned that one when I was a little girl. I'm a work in progress and I pray it never ends!
So there's an update for now. In case I don't write until next week, I have a surgery on Monday. This will be to remove or replace the shunt I have in my brain. There is a shunt that can be turned with a magnetic dial and I'm hoping they put that one back in. That way if this ever happens again, instead of drilling into my brain, they can turn the dial and I'll get relief that way. Another thing y'all can be praying earnestly with me for is that two other procedures can be done while I'm under. My port may need to be replaced with a different kind, so I'd like them to do it then. The first and only port procedure I had earlier was pretty painful and I really don't want to do that over again. The second procedure would be the spinal tap. During my last surgery a spinal tap was done and you all might know how completely terrified I am of this procedure. I've heard to many horror stories about them.
So there ya go, pray that during my surgery, those other procedures can be done so I won't feel them. Oh and that Andrew can reach the oncologist at NIH to find out exactly what port I need to have ... the one I have now, or a different one. After the surgery, I'll be in the hospital recovering for however many days the surgeon tells me.
Thank you again for all the prayers. With God and those prayers, I have been able to get through each day, take my pills, and just live life. Thought I was gunna say just do it huh?
My swallowing is without pain (Thank You Jesus!) now, so I can eat easily, just not the normal portion size I did previously. I'd love to tell you I've been eating anything and everything I want, but that hasn't happened yet. In addition to feeling full pretty quickly because I've been eating half the amount I did before, lately everything has been tasting like salt. Momma made some biscuits and gravy the other day and the salt has just stuck with me, for some reason. All day I felt like I had swallowed a salt tablet on an empty stomach. I only did that once while we were staying at the Fisher House. Never again. I was miserable. Talk about a tummy ache! Anyway, since eating that, it hasn't mattered what I eat and sometimes even drink. I just taste salt. I had a green grape today, thinking fresh fruit would be nice ... but the dang grape tasted like salt! Ugh! Oh well, at least I can eat! I was having the problem of anything sweet would taste SUPER sweet and anything salty would taste SUPER salty. So taking pills with strawberry shortcake ... pretty hard. I'm trying hard to gain weight to get ready for chemo, but it's hard. I know, I know ... lots of you are saying, "man, I wish I had a hard time gaining weight."
Sleeping is difficult at night only because the people that live above us sound like a herd of buffalo. I'm not kidding. They must be playing that dance game on the Wii. Last night was the first night in a long time that I slept in the same bed as Andrew. I've been sleeping on the couch sort of propped up, since I was coughing a lot. Not anymore! Yay :o)
Right now, my Momma is back in FL for 2 weeks. She has lots to get done and lots of love to give her boys and the rest of the family down there. She told me my oldest nephew Waylon was so excited to see her that he raised his hands and yelled "Nana!" at the sight of her. Wish I could've seen it.
While my Mom is away, Andrew's Mom is here to help me. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law, so having her with me is a blessing. A BIG blessing! Others in his family are coming in soon.
I'm trying to get back into doing things on my own, so this morning, I got up before Jonathan's dr appt so I could grab him out of the crib. I had Andrew help me because I can only hold him for maybe a minute. He's so stinkin' heavy! 23 lbs. is feeling pretty heavy these days. It's annoying because I want to love on him, but have to sit and then he wants to get down and play. So I woke him up this morning and brought him into the kitchen to get his breakfast (oatmeal) ready. For a split second, everything felt back to normal again. Like I wasn't fighting cancer. But, I was quickly snapped back into reality when I tried to refill the Brita with cold water. The cold water gave off an odor that to me, smelled just like radiation. Now my radiologist would say, "Oh, it's psychological" but from now on, I'll let someone else refill that thing.
On Friday evening, I was thinking of Good Friday and thanking Jesus for his death on the cross for me. But then I got to thinking, this year, I'm thankful for a little more. I'm thankful for the struggle he had in the Garden before he was arrested. I'm grateful for that because in that moment he showed the conflict he was challenged with and how even he wrestled with obeying in faith and not wanting to go forward. I had those feelings almost every Monday, with radiation. I have those feelings now, with chemo. I'm pretty scared of what's to come. I don't know the terrain of this mountain ahead. I don't know how hard the battle will be. But I DO KNOW Jesus hasn't left my side from the beginning until now, and it's not like him to walk away now. I KNOW that just as Isaiah 41:13 says, He will hold my right hand. I need to reclaim my verse from my Team Lindsey shirt and fear NO bad news because I am firmly fixed on trusting the Lord. I feel like singing that song that goes "He's still workin' on me ..." Learned that one when I was a little girl. I'm a work in progress and I pray it never ends!
So there's an update for now. In case I don't write until next week, I have a surgery on Monday. This will be to remove or replace the shunt I have in my brain. There is a shunt that can be turned with a magnetic dial and I'm hoping they put that one back in. That way if this ever happens again, instead of drilling into my brain, they can turn the dial and I'll get relief that way. Another thing y'all can be praying earnestly with me for is that two other procedures can be done while I'm under. My port may need to be replaced with a different kind, so I'd like them to do it then. The first and only port procedure I had earlier was pretty painful and I really don't want to do that over again. The second procedure would be the spinal tap. During my last surgery a spinal tap was done and you all might know how completely terrified I am of this procedure. I've heard to many horror stories about them.
So there ya go, pray that during my surgery, those other procedures can be done so I won't feel them. Oh and that Andrew can reach the oncologist at NIH to find out exactly what port I need to have ... the one I have now, or a different one. After the surgery, I'll be in the hospital recovering for however many days the surgeon tells me.
Thank you again for all the prayers. With God and those prayers, I have been able to get through each day, take my pills, and just live life. Thought I was gunna say just do it huh?
Saturday, March 17, 2012
Oncologist Appointment
I'm going to let y'all in on my mom's account of our overwhelming appointment with the oncologist. I don't remember hardly any of it.
So that's all for now. Still taking one day at a time. Swallowing food is becoming a little more difficult each day. Not because of pain, but because anything in my mouth other than liquid makes me want to get sick. Taking my vitamins at each meal is very challenging. But ... God has helped me through each meal, whatever it may be and however long it may take, I'm glad I don't have a feeding tube! God is so good and helps me every time! I do pray between every single pill, "Lord help me" just like Peter, in the Bible.
So that's all for now. Still taking one day at a time. Swallowing food is becoming a little more difficult each day. Not because of pain, but because anything in my mouth other than liquid makes me want to get sick. Taking my vitamins at each meal is very challenging. But ... God has helped me through each meal, whatever it may be and however long it may take, I'm glad I don't have a feeding tube! God is so good and helps me every time! I do pray between every single pill, "Lord help me" just like Peter, in the Bible.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Counting My Blessings
The Lord has brought me through another week. I'm looking forward to going to church in the morning.
This past Monday was rough. It was my first Monday at radiation after a weekend off. It was challenging. I had to put my "Just Do It" attitude on and get it over with. Every Thursday, I begin to get used to the masks and can tolerate the radiation treatment a little better. This time, I was excited to see a Wednesday. I'm learning every week day is a stepping stone to a little break. One of my side effects that I've had for a little while has become stronger. My throat has been dry, but now I have pain in my ears when I swallow and yawn. Especially when I yawn. I've tried different things to try to cut my yawns short, if that makes sense. Chewing come seems to help, and holding my nose and then blowing out. The pain doesn't last as long.
My nausea is still present. I've been taking zofran a lot. I had a dream my doctor limited me. So glad it was a dream. It helps a little bit. The nausea has really messed with my appetite. I rarely feel like eating at all. Mom is really good at gently reminding me I HAVE to eat. I just try to remind myself of a feeding tube and how much I don't want that.
A new side effect that came last night was hair loss. I was taking my shower and washing my hair and noticed my hand was pretty full of hair that had come out. I'm so glad my hair is short. I would have freak out if I saw long strands coming out. Thank you Andrew for letting me buzz it. Now I'm not going to say it wasn't hard to see my hair fall out, because it was. I cried a little bit. Mom helped me come out a lot after I was done drying off. Once again, she was my rock to lean on. So right now, I look a little patchy, with less hair on the sides. I'm a little nervous about going to church tomorrow without a hat. My head is sort of sore, so I'm not wanting to wear a wig yet. There is a wig store in town that we're going to go by during the week to look at head scarfs. A head scarf should be much more gentle for now.
So that's my update for side effects. I titled this entry counting my blessings. Even though I'm feeling rough most of the time and I really do feel like I'm taking it minute by minute instead of day by day, I know the Great Physician is watching over me, I have great at-home nurses, and I'm blessed to finally have the stability of being in the apartment and unpacking to make it our home. God is good!
This past Monday was rough. It was my first Monday at radiation after a weekend off. It was challenging. I had to put my "Just Do It" attitude on and get it over with. Every Thursday, I begin to get used to the masks and can tolerate the radiation treatment a little better. This time, I was excited to see a Wednesday. I'm learning every week day is a stepping stone to a little break. One of my side effects that I've had for a little while has become stronger. My throat has been dry, but now I have pain in my ears when I swallow and yawn. Especially when I yawn. I've tried different things to try to cut my yawns short, if that makes sense. Chewing come seems to help, and holding my nose and then blowing out. The pain doesn't last as long.
My nausea is still present. I've been taking zofran a lot. I had a dream my doctor limited me. So glad it was a dream. It helps a little bit. The nausea has really messed with my appetite. I rarely feel like eating at all. Mom is really good at gently reminding me I HAVE to eat. I just try to remind myself of a feeding tube and how much I don't want that.
A new side effect that came last night was hair loss. I was taking my shower and washing my hair and noticed my hand was pretty full of hair that had come out. I'm so glad my hair is short. I would have freak out if I saw long strands coming out. Thank you Andrew for letting me buzz it. Now I'm not going to say it wasn't hard to see my hair fall out, because it was. I cried a little bit. Mom helped me come out a lot after I was done drying off. Once again, she was my rock to lean on. So right now, I look a little patchy, with less hair on the sides. I'm a little nervous about going to church tomorrow without a hat. My head is sort of sore, so I'm not wanting to wear a wig yet. There is a wig store in town that we're going to go by during the week to look at head scarfs. A head scarf should be much more gentle for now.
So that's my update for side effects. I titled this entry counting my blessings. Even though I'm feeling rough most of the time and I really do feel like I'm taking it minute by minute instead of day by day, I know the Great Physician is watching over me, I have great at-home nurses, and I'm blessed to finally have the stability of being in the apartment and unpacking to make it our home. God is good!
Sunday, March 4, 2012
It's been a while
Last week was pretty challenging. Radiation seemed to go on and on. I sort of figured out a way to distract myself to get through the smell of the radiation when it's scanning my head. I go through the alphabet in sign language on both hands however many times it takes.
The reason why it was so difficult at first was because my nausea was pretty bad that day. I've always been afraid of getting sick on the table because I'm pinned to the table and can't move, so I'm afraid of choking. So that day I just cried afterwards because I couldn't see how it would be possible to make it through 3 minutes of a head scan if I had trouble making it through 30 seconds - 1 minute. I was very discouraged. My dr. told me to double up on my zofran and ativan.
The next discouraging moment was Wednesday. Normally, I have 3 scans then treatment (radiation). I usually count my scans so I know when I'm about 1/2 way through. That day, for some reason I was crooked and they had to do more scans to make sure I was lined up correctly. This time, it wasn't the nausea that bothered me, it was being on the table longer. My tailbone was hurting pretty bad. It's weird because sometimes the masks are super tight, and sometimes they're not. I have to constantly remind myself to relax my shoulders and every other muscle in my body to just get through it. I didn't cry until I was out of the office and just told Mom "I feel like this week is never going to end!" She is a huge support and just held me. :)
Every Wednesday, after radiation, I meet with the radiologist oncologist and a nurse to just go through how I've been feeling the past week. This coming week, I'll fill them in on how my throat is now hurting an eating is a little painful when I swallow. He told me they have "magic mouthwash" that isn't that great, so I went and bought cepacol tablets hoping for relief that way. I told the dr. they should rename that stuff too, if it's not "magic!" Another thing is I told the dr. about my increased nausea, even at home. He told me is was psychological. If you have questions about that, ask my Mom, I can't remember how he explained it. I just remember leaving thinking "This IS NOT all in my head, I KNOW I almost threw up! I KNOW what I'm feeling!"
Last week I also went to the eye doctor. That appt. went well. I was given a prescription for new lenses. My old ones make everything pretty blurry. My eyes still flutter every now and then. But as Dr. Fine said, with time this should all improve.
I also had bloodwork through my port for the 1st time. I was pretty nervous. The nurse told me to hold my breath, and I was thought "oh man, this is gunna hurt if she's telling me to hold my breath already!" Then she poked the needle in, flushed the port, and then took blood. The flushing of the port was my biggest fear. My veins are so small that I remember each time they flushed them from IVs, they would clog and it was painful to unclog them. That nurse said since we're using such a big vein, (jugular) that shouldn't happen. I was so thankful when I couldn't feel it when she flushed it. God is good!!
So that was pretty much my week. I was very grateful for the weekend this time. I'm already looking forward to the next one.
Ways to pray:
That my sign language distraction will continue to be an effective way of distracting myself.
Miracle: That I'll fall asleep during the whole treatment. Since I'm taking 2 ativan, it's possible but it hasn't happened yet. Kind of hard when you feel yourself pinned to the table.
Our household goods are on their way. We should have lots of boxes in the apartment around the 7th or 8th.
The reason why it was so difficult at first was because my nausea was pretty bad that day. I've always been afraid of getting sick on the table because I'm pinned to the table and can't move, so I'm afraid of choking. So that day I just cried afterwards because I couldn't see how it would be possible to make it through 3 minutes of a head scan if I had trouble making it through 30 seconds - 1 minute. I was very discouraged. My dr. told me to double up on my zofran and ativan.
The next discouraging moment was Wednesday. Normally, I have 3 scans then treatment (radiation). I usually count my scans so I know when I'm about 1/2 way through. That day, for some reason I was crooked and they had to do more scans to make sure I was lined up correctly. This time, it wasn't the nausea that bothered me, it was being on the table longer. My tailbone was hurting pretty bad. It's weird because sometimes the masks are super tight, and sometimes they're not. I have to constantly remind myself to relax my shoulders and every other muscle in my body to just get through it. I didn't cry until I was out of the office and just told Mom "I feel like this week is never going to end!" She is a huge support and just held me. :)
Every Wednesday, after radiation, I meet with the radiologist oncologist and a nurse to just go through how I've been feeling the past week. This coming week, I'll fill them in on how my throat is now hurting an eating is a little painful when I swallow. He told me they have "magic mouthwash" that isn't that great, so I went and bought cepacol tablets hoping for relief that way. I told the dr. they should rename that stuff too, if it's not "magic!" Another thing is I told the dr. about my increased nausea, even at home. He told me is was psychological. If you have questions about that, ask my Mom, I can't remember how he explained it. I just remember leaving thinking "This IS NOT all in my head, I KNOW I almost threw up! I KNOW what I'm feeling!"
Last week I also went to the eye doctor. That appt. went well. I was given a prescription for new lenses. My old ones make everything pretty blurry. My eyes still flutter every now and then. But as Dr. Fine said, with time this should all improve.
I also had bloodwork through my port for the 1st time. I was pretty nervous. The nurse told me to hold my breath, and I was thought "oh man, this is gunna hurt if she's telling me to hold my breath already!" Then she poked the needle in, flushed the port, and then took blood. The flushing of the port was my biggest fear. My veins are so small that I remember each time they flushed them from IVs, they would clog and it was painful to unclog them. That nurse said since we're using such a big vein, (jugular) that shouldn't happen. I was so thankful when I couldn't feel it when she flushed it. God is good!!
So that was pretty much my week. I was very grateful for the weekend this time. I'm already looking forward to the next one.
Ways to pray:
That my sign language distraction will continue to be an effective way of distracting myself.
Miracle: That I'll fall asleep during the whole treatment. Since I'm taking 2 ativan, it's possible but it hasn't happened yet. Kind of hard when you feel yourself pinned to the table.
Our household goods are on their way. We should have lots of boxes in the apartment around the 7th or 8th.
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