This past week I had an important appointment I think I mentioned would be coming up. About a month ago I had some bloodwork done on my hormones to check levels and then additional labs were sent off to take a closer look at my numbers from my ovaries. They were elevated and my gynecologist wanted to know why.
Yesterday, I went in to talk with her about the results and what everything meant. The elevated number from my ovaries was 38, where menopausal women are at 40. She told me that I have premature ovarian failure. Which means I'm not producing any eggs and therefore will not be able to get pregnant. This is a side effect from radiation and the high toxicity of my chemo regimen. I was given Lupron shots, that shut my ovaries down during treatment, in hopes of saving the eggs I did have. It didn't work.
My options for having more children are to either go through a donor egg program or adopt. In vitro fertilization is not an option for us since my ovaries are not working at all. Andrew and I are not wanting to do the donor egg option.
Some may know already, but I'll tell you all for those who do not know. Andrew and I have a passion to adopt internationally. We'd like to adopt a girl from China and a boy from Africa. God gave me the passion some time during my college years. Andrew showed interest when we talked about it during our engagement. There was a time last year when I doubted if God wanted us to adopt internationally or if it was something I made up. After doing some research and hearing from others that have been through an adoption process, it was discouraging to see the amount of money it would take just to get started. I know the Lord will provide.
I believe and know with all my heart that God was preparing me for this appointment. Months ago He had been speaking into my heart about spiritually developing Jonathan and being intentional. He gave me a peace more and more with each day that passed about having Jonathan as our only biological child. When the doctor gave us the news I think she was surprised at how calm we were. She was probably wondering why I didn't have any tears. I told her that God had been working on my heart to hear what she had told us and I'm okay. Thank you Jesus we have our sweet Jonathan to build up and watch grow.
Now I'm not saying I didn't shed ANY tears over the news. My heart did break in hearing, "You cannot have anymore children" and it was pretty hard to tell my family. Everyone has been wonderful about it, though. I have been given reminders to praise the Lord for mine and Andrew's passion for adopting and to get excited about the precious child I have in Jonathan. I love him on a totally different level now. :)
In almost all of the research I've done previously on adopting from China, I found that the age requirement is for both parents must be at least 30 years old. That gives us about 4-5 years before we can start anything. By then Jonathan should be in school and I could handle another small child. I have no idea what we're getting into with all of this, but I am certain that in time, God will give me and Andrew peace about decisions that need to be made and will walk with us through this journey. He is faithful!
So that's the latest in our lives right now. A little setback, but we serve a BIG God. He is the joy of my life and I will not let the devil take it away from me.
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