Sometimes I can't believe it and sometimes I feel relief when I look at the calendar and see that I'm at my marker of being cancer free for a whole year!!!! THANK YOU JESUS!!!!
Last year, on August 18 I walked out of the hospital at Walter Reed National Military Medical Center having completed my 4th and final round of chemotherapy. I remember ringing the bell on my way out and dancing with my precious Momma to "Hit The Road Jack." I can't help but smile and even laugh at the song now. My mom and I were all decked out in green and purple foil streamer wigs and looking pretty crazy; me with my bald head and Momma probably crying tears of joy, JoY, JOY! Andrew and Jonathan were trailing behind carrying all of the stuff from my last stay. I should've made Andrew take all the stuff to the car, come back up, and then dance all the way to the car with us. I think Jonathan was too little to be out of the stroller without causing trouble. :) I can guarantee you though, Jonathan would be dancing now! He certainly knows how to and we dance together often during the day!
Something I started earlier this month when I was thinking about my year out marker coming up, was to go back and read through my blog posts from the very beginning. Well, it didn't take long for me to be in tears. I had only read 2 posts and I felt like a fountain. As I was reading I remember just sitting back a couple of times amazed that I even went through what I did. Then almost immediately after those kind of thoughts I was overwhelmed with how great God was and is to me. OH MY WORD! Since I was a little girl, I was taught Jesus will never leave me. I have without a shadow of doubt experienced that through my cancer mountain climb. There were times that I felt God was far off or wasn't hearing my cries for help, but I knew deep down in my soul the many promises from the Bible that talk about God's presence.
My biggest take away from my journey with cancer has been in my relationship with Jesus Christ. I knew (pointing to my head) a lot of things about Jesus and how He loves me, but now I KNOW (pointing to my heart) the love and faithfulness of my Savior in a whole new way. I have a hunger like never before for God's Word and letting my light shine so that others see Jesus in me. I am able to find blessings in struggles, learn so much more about the character of God, and by the power of the blood of Jesus fight back Satan, his demons and his lies with an intensity that is fresh each day.
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the earth hear his voice
Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
Let the people rejoice
Oh come to the Father
Through Jesus the Son,
And give Him the glory
Great things He has done!!!!!!!
I'd like to extend one last thank you to EVERYONE who encouraged me with cards, texts, emails, gifts, and so much more. The love that was showered out by you, the body of Christ, was pleasantly overwhelming and I am forever grateful to each and every one of you.
Yes, I am thankful for all the above things, but most of all, I am grateful for the who knows how many number of prayers that were offered before the throne of our King on my behalf. Prayer works!!! I'm here to tell ya!
It is with great love and appreciation that I end this blog. I'm walking on with faith and an excitement to see what the Lord has next for me.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Thursday, August 8, 2013
One year
I'm not sure why it has taken me so long to get this up. Just so everyone knows, my last scan was clear! Thank you Jesus. Now I will have them every 3 months instead of 2. I don't meet with my oncologist for another couple months.
The MRI tech. I had was named Dante. I've had him several times throughout this last year. When I went in the last time, he recognized me and began telling me how much of an inspiration I am to him. I just smiled and pointed up.
After my scan was complete, for some reason I started crying. I get pretty anxious every time I go in and I'm not sure if it was my nerves or what. Dante asked me what was wrong and I told him they were happy tears...happy that he was able to get the needle in my vein for the contrast with one poke, happy that the scan was only 45 minutes long, and happy to be done with the whole process. He laughed, helped me sit up and then gave me a big hug.
I don't know why those things freak me out, but they do. You'd think I'd be used to them since I've had so many.
So we're in August and that means one great thing. I'll be a year out from my last chemo treatment sometime this month. I don't remember the exact date. Thank you Jesus for bringing me through a year with clear scans and gradual healing to my body.
As far as how I feel goes, I'm afraid to say I feel very close to normal. I still feel like I have to take a nap with Jonathan in the afternoon to make it through the remainder of the day. On days I don't get the nap, I almost fall into bed at night.
Along with how I'm feeling, I'm able to do much more around the house. Laundry, dishes and taking care of Jonathan is getting slightly easier. I'm not saying I'm supermom or anything. I've tried to make a habit of making a list for what I need to do each day with errands to run, things to do around the house or places to go.
All the time, God is good! He continues to help me each moment of every day and I am so thankful for His presence.
That's all for now, folks!
The MRI tech. I had was named Dante. I've had him several times throughout this last year. When I went in the last time, he recognized me and began telling me how much of an inspiration I am to him. I just smiled and pointed up.
After my scan was complete, for some reason I started crying. I get pretty anxious every time I go in and I'm not sure if it was my nerves or what. Dante asked me what was wrong and I told him they were happy tears...happy that he was able to get the needle in my vein for the contrast with one poke, happy that the scan was only 45 minutes long, and happy to be done with the whole process. He laughed, helped me sit up and then gave me a big hug.
I don't know why those things freak me out, but they do. You'd think I'd be used to them since I've had so many.
So we're in August and that means one great thing. I'll be a year out from my last chemo treatment sometime this month. I don't remember the exact date. Thank you Jesus for bringing me through a year with clear scans and gradual healing to my body.
As far as how I feel goes, I'm afraid to say I feel very close to normal. I still feel like I have to take a nap with Jonathan in the afternoon to make it through the remainder of the day. On days I don't get the nap, I almost fall into bed at night.
Along with how I'm feeling, I'm able to do much more around the house. Laundry, dishes and taking care of Jonathan is getting slightly easier. I'm not saying I'm supermom or anything. I've tried to make a habit of making a list for what I need to do each day with errands to run, things to do around the house or places to go.
All the time, God is good! He continues to help me each moment of every day and I am so thankful for His presence.
That's all for now, folks!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
What's Going On
Today, I went to an appointment with my Oncologist to go over my most recent scans from early May. They came back clear, but he still wanted to check on my over all health and have labs run. If my next scan, next month is clear, Dr. Wanko said we could move the MRI scans from every 2 months to every 3 months. I'm a fan of that!
My oncologist also was inquisitive about how much longer Andrew and I will be here in Maryland. Since Andrew has had 7 surgeries on his feet, he's done with all that. I don't blame him! Next year his commitment time will be completed and he will be up for reenlistment. Andrew was only planning on staying in if it was beneficial for my health with staying with my doctors or if it had anything to do with getting his feet fixed. Dr. Wanko mentioned today that he'd like to observe me until my 2 year mark out of chemo.
As for my overall health check up, the doctor was very pleased with my progress, except my weight loss. I've changed some things in my diet lately, like eating more raw fruits and vegetables. I don't crave sweets and greasy foods, thank you Jesus! Anyway, I've lost 5 lbs. in the last month, so please pray along with me on either maintaining this weight or gaining at least the 5 lbs. back that I've lost.
That's what's going on right now. Still relying on the Lord to help me each moment of every day with being a wife and a momma. He is faithful and gives me lots of opportunities to share of His goodness with those around me.
My oncologist also was inquisitive about how much longer Andrew and I will be here in Maryland. Since Andrew has had 7 surgeries on his feet, he's done with all that. I don't blame him! Next year his commitment time will be completed and he will be up for reenlistment. Andrew was only planning on staying in if it was beneficial for my health with staying with my doctors or if it had anything to do with getting his feet fixed. Dr. Wanko mentioned today that he'd like to observe me until my 2 year mark out of chemo.
As for my overall health check up, the doctor was very pleased with my progress, except my weight loss. I've changed some things in my diet lately, like eating more raw fruits and vegetables. I don't crave sweets and greasy foods, thank you Jesus! Anyway, I've lost 5 lbs. in the last month, so please pray along with me on either maintaining this weight or gaining at least the 5 lbs. back that I've lost.
That's what's going on right now. Still relying on the Lord to help me each moment of every day with being a wife and a momma. He is faithful and gives me lots of opportunities to share of His goodness with those around me.
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Most Recent Scan
I had my routine, every 2 months MRI on Friday. This time when I went in, the scan only took 45 minutes instead of 2 hours. The scan was of my brain and not my spine. Even though the scan was significantly shorter than previous ones, I still took Ativan to calm any anxiety. As I said before my scan was much shorter. A 45 minute scan of just my brain should be the new normal. My oncologist said there was no need to scan the spine and/or to do any spinal taps. I was SO glad to hear that!
I received a call from my oncologist yesterday telling me my results. He said the scans were clear!! Thank you Jesus, my Healer! I'll be seeing the doctor next month to go over the scans in more detail. Dr. Wanko (oncologist) also said that my scans can probably be moved from every 2 months to every 3. :) WooHoo!!
I will give another update after the appointment with Dr. Wanko.
I received a call from my oncologist yesterday telling me my results. He said the scans were clear!! Thank you Jesus, my Healer! I'll be seeing the doctor next month to go over the scans in more detail. Dr. Wanko (oncologist) also said that my scans can probably be moved from every 2 months to every 3. :) WooHoo!!
I will give another update after the appointment with Dr. Wanko.
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Pain With A Touch Of Peace
So far this month has been quite the rollercoaster ride. I thought after chemo, the whole serious sickness and side effects would slow down and I'd have a somewhat smoother ride with little dips every now and then. Well, this past weekend, God decided to allow another trial to remind me of His love for me.
I try to take Jonathan on a walk around our apartment complex each week day and sometimes on the weekend. This past Saturday, I noticed some pain in my right foot when I reached home and was unloading everything. I took my shoes off thinking I had tied them too tight or just walked too far without a break. I had a hard time putting full weight on my foot because it felt bruised, so I limped just a tad when walking. By the evening, the pain had increased a little bit and I took of my sock to see if anything was wrong. I noticed on the inside of my foot, by my ankle some redness and then on the outside of my foot what looked like some kind of spider or bug bite. I had Andrew look at it after dinner to see what he thought it was. He didn't think it was a bite because there were no puncture marks ... just redness and a little knot. I went to bed hoping it all would be better the next morning so we could go to church. I was wrong. When I got out of bed Sunday morning, I had a much bigger limp and the pain had increased even more. I was at the point that I wanted to be seen by a doctor because a place had shown up on my shin, as well. Each red spot was very tender to touch and if pressure of any kind was placed on it I was hurting quite a bit. So off to the ER we went. Andrew was glad that I told him it felt worse and that I wanted to get it checked out.
Once at the hospital, I was put in a room fairly quickly. I sort of expected an IV and/or blood work, so I drank as much water as I could beforehand. By then, I had seen five different doctors. They all came in, looked at my leg and foot, poked around, and then left after saying, "Im not sure what it is." It was frustrating to say the least. One doctor thought it was one thing while another physician guess something else. I already have white coat syndrome so the lack of confidence in my diagnosis was not reassuring at all. I had been praying about these painful spots since they appeared, but now I was praying with a little more urgency. I asked God to help them figure out what was wrong without having to run too much more testing, which would often involve pain with poking, prodding, and me feeling like I could pass out. The final doctor that I saw was a Rheumatologist (sp). He said he was often the one called when other doctors and nurses couldn't figure things out. After taking a look at my "rare" case, he put in orders for antibiotics, something for pain and inflammation, and a biopsy with the Dermatologist. He said the biopsy would be a simple punch test and it would help them know exactly what was going on underneath the skin. God opened the door for an appointment the next day, rather than 4 days later, like the ER doctor said it would most likely happen. That's when my anxiety went up a little. I was thinking a biopsy would not only mean more pain because it was a needle, but also because the needle would be in the most tender spot of all the sores, in my shin.
I'm not the type to go look up what procedures involve and exactly what is done or things like that. I did that once a couple years ago and almost had an anxiety attack. I won't do that again. The main thing I wanted to know was if I needed to prepare mentally for any pain. The doctor said I'd be fine. I knew what he meant and I didn't like it.
The next morning, we went to the Dermatologist. After talking about the procedure of the punch test, the doctor showed me the tool he would use and explained in a little more detail exactly what he'd do. I was ready to throw up. I must have looked terrified because he quickly told me that I would have a numbing agent so I wouldn't feel anything. I was pretty relieved after hearing that! I knew lidocaine was painful when injected, but I also knew I could get through it. I had lidocaine both times with my port placement and removal. The "bee sting" as the doctor called it. HA! Yeah right! More like 10 bees stinging you at the same time.
So the nurse injected the lidocaine and then the doctor started. At first I couldn't feel anything, but then all of the sudden I felt this extremely sharp pain and it felt like the doctor was slowly tearing my skin away, leaving an open wound. I squeezed Andrew's arm as hard as I could and tried super hard to get a strong "OW" out. It was such a strong pain that I could barely talk and almost passed out. It hurt so bad I couldn't even cry.
The doctor had the nurse inject more lidocaine each time I told him I could feel anything. Each time I'd feel pain I cried out "Jesus help me!!" If you want to know the details of the procedure, you'll have to ask Andrew. I get pretty sick to my stomach just thinking about the whole appointment. Needless to say, I was SO glad when the procedure was finished. It took me a while to slow my breathing. While I was laying on the table trying to focus on not hyperventilating, Andrew had to sit down. He was as white as a sheet and was feeling like he was going to faint. I guess what he saw the doctor do was pretty hard to watch. Andrew was in the chair, I was on the exam table, and Jonathan was in the stroller by the door. We were a mess. The nurse was watching us all pretty closely.
I thought we were done with everything and were about to go home. We had our discharge papers and then the doctor said, "Oh I'd like you to have some labs done, too." I thought that meant we'd come back the next day or later on in the week. Nope! So down to the lab and pharmacy we went. When we got there I told Andrew that I was going to complain for a second. I told him it wasn't bad enough that I had that excruciating pain just minutes ago, but now I'll be poked again! I was having a hard time living out joy. A very difficult time. The Lord was still right there by my side. He allowed the tech there to get the needle in the first time and blood flowed as needed.
I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I was in the car and on the way home. I made myself count my blessings of the morning and the whole ordeal of the infection coming up in the first place. Here are some things Jesus brought to my mind ...
- I'm thankful I have a husband who was able to take me to be seen by a doctor sooner rather than later.
- I'm thankful for a clean ER that I could be seen and treated in.
- I'm thankful for the several doctors and nurses I saw that were trying to help diagnose me and help me feel better.
- I'm thankful for the Dermatologist and yes, even the painful procedure to accurately diagnose the infection and possible cause.
- I'm thankful for medicine that helps relieve pain, gives me rest, and works to fight any infection I have.
- I'm thankful that I had Andrew to squeeze when I was hurting.
- I'm thankful the nurse gave me crutches.
- I'm thankful Jonathan behaved.
- I'm thankful Jesus never left my side.
- I'm thankful the whole dang procedure is DONE!
Here are some ways you can be praying in the coming days ...
* Complete healing
* Medicine works
* Biopsy results and blood work come back with answers to help further treatment and prevention in the future
* Pray I will never have to have this again ... please!!!!
My next MRI is May 3. I'll post again after that.
I try to take Jonathan on a walk around our apartment complex each week day and sometimes on the weekend. This past Saturday, I noticed some pain in my right foot when I reached home and was unloading everything. I took my shoes off thinking I had tied them too tight or just walked too far without a break. I had a hard time putting full weight on my foot because it felt bruised, so I limped just a tad when walking. By the evening, the pain had increased a little bit and I took of my sock to see if anything was wrong. I noticed on the inside of my foot, by my ankle some redness and then on the outside of my foot what looked like some kind of spider or bug bite. I had Andrew look at it after dinner to see what he thought it was. He didn't think it was a bite because there were no puncture marks ... just redness and a little knot. I went to bed hoping it all would be better the next morning so we could go to church. I was wrong. When I got out of bed Sunday morning, I had a much bigger limp and the pain had increased even more. I was at the point that I wanted to be seen by a doctor because a place had shown up on my shin, as well. Each red spot was very tender to touch and if pressure of any kind was placed on it I was hurting quite a bit. So off to the ER we went. Andrew was glad that I told him it felt worse and that I wanted to get it checked out.
Once at the hospital, I was put in a room fairly quickly. I sort of expected an IV and/or blood work, so I drank as much water as I could beforehand. By then, I had seen five different doctors. They all came in, looked at my leg and foot, poked around, and then left after saying, "Im not sure what it is." It was frustrating to say the least. One doctor thought it was one thing while another physician guess something else. I already have white coat syndrome so the lack of confidence in my diagnosis was not reassuring at all. I had been praying about these painful spots since they appeared, but now I was praying with a little more urgency. I asked God to help them figure out what was wrong without having to run too much more testing, which would often involve pain with poking, prodding, and me feeling like I could pass out. The final doctor that I saw was a Rheumatologist (sp). He said he was often the one called when other doctors and nurses couldn't figure things out. After taking a look at my "rare" case, he put in orders for antibiotics, something for pain and inflammation, and a biopsy with the Dermatologist. He said the biopsy would be a simple punch test and it would help them know exactly what was going on underneath the skin. God opened the door for an appointment the next day, rather than 4 days later, like the ER doctor said it would most likely happen. That's when my anxiety went up a little. I was thinking a biopsy would not only mean more pain because it was a needle, but also because the needle would be in the most tender spot of all the sores, in my shin.
I'm not the type to go look up what procedures involve and exactly what is done or things like that. I did that once a couple years ago and almost had an anxiety attack. I won't do that again. The main thing I wanted to know was if I needed to prepare mentally for any pain. The doctor said I'd be fine. I knew what he meant and I didn't like it.
The next morning, we went to the Dermatologist. After talking about the procedure of the punch test, the doctor showed me the tool he would use and explained in a little more detail exactly what he'd do. I was ready to throw up. I must have looked terrified because he quickly told me that I would have a numbing agent so I wouldn't feel anything. I was pretty relieved after hearing that! I knew lidocaine was painful when injected, but I also knew I could get through it. I had lidocaine both times with my port placement and removal. The "bee sting" as the doctor called it. HA! Yeah right! More like 10 bees stinging you at the same time.
So the nurse injected the lidocaine and then the doctor started. At first I couldn't feel anything, but then all of the sudden I felt this extremely sharp pain and it felt like the doctor was slowly tearing my skin away, leaving an open wound. I squeezed Andrew's arm as hard as I could and tried super hard to get a strong "OW" out. It was such a strong pain that I could barely talk and almost passed out. It hurt so bad I couldn't even cry.
The doctor had the nurse inject more lidocaine each time I told him I could feel anything. Each time I'd feel pain I cried out "Jesus help me!!" If you want to know the details of the procedure, you'll have to ask Andrew. I get pretty sick to my stomach just thinking about the whole appointment. Needless to say, I was SO glad when the procedure was finished. It took me a while to slow my breathing. While I was laying on the table trying to focus on not hyperventilating, Andrew had to sit down. He was as white as a sheet and was feeling like he was going to faint. I guess what he saw the doctor do was pretty hard to watch. Andrew was in the chair, I was on the exam table, and Jonathan was in the stroller by the door. We were a mess. The nurse was watching us all pretty closely.
I thought we were done with everything and were about to go home. We had our discharge papers and then the doctor said, "Oh I'd like you to have some labs done, too." I thought that meant we'd come back the next day or later on in the week. Nope! So down to the lab and pharmacy we went. When we got there I told Andrew that I was going to complain for a second. I told him it wasn't bad enough that I had that excruciating pain just minutes ago, but now I'll be poked again! I was having a hard time living out joy. A very difficult time. The Lord was still right there by my side. He allowed the tech there to get the needle in the first time and blood flowed as needed.
I finally breathed a sigh of relief when I was in the car and on the way home. I made myself count my blessings of the morning and the whole ordeal of the infection coming up in the first place. Here are some things Jesus brought to my mind ...
- I'm thankful I have a husband who was able to take me to be seen by a doctor sooner rather than later.
- I'm thankful for a clean ER that I could be seen and treated in.
- I'm thankful for the several doctors and nurses I saw that were trying to help diagnose me and help me feel better.
- I'm thankful for the Dermatologist and yes, even the painful procedure to accurately diagnose the infection and possible cause.
- I'm thankful for medicine that helps relieve pain, gives me rest, and works to fight any infection I have.
- I'm thankful that I had Andrew to squeeze when I was hurting.
- I'm thankful the nurse gave me crutches.
- I'm thankful Jonathan behaved.
- I'm thankful Jesus never left my side.
- I'm thankful the whole dang procedure is DONE!
Here are some ways you can be praying in the coming days ...
* Complete healing
* Medicine works
* Biopsy results and blood work come back with answers to help further treatment and prevention in the future
* Pray I will never have to have this again ... please!!!!
My next MRI is May 3. I'll post again after that.
Friday, April 5, 2013
When One Door Closes Another Opens
This past week I had an important appointment I think I mentioned would be coming up. About a month ago I had some bloodwork done on my hormones to check levels and then additional labs were sent off to take a closer look at my numbers from my ovaries. They were elevated and my gynecologist wanted to know why.
Yesterday, I went in to talk with her about the results and what everything meant. The elevated number from my ovaries was 38, where menopausal women are at 40. She told me that I have premature ovarian failure. Which means I'm not producing any eggs and therefore will not be able to get pregnant. This is a side effect from radiation and the high toxicity of my chemo regimen. I was given Lupron shots, that shut my ovaries down during treatment, in hopes of saving the eggs I did have. It didn't work.
My options for having more children are to either go through a donor egg program or adopt. In vitro fertilization is not an option for us since my ovaries are not working at all. Andrew and I are not wanting to do the donor egg option.
Some may know already, but I'll tell you all for those who do not know. Andrew and I have a passion to adopt internationally. We'd like to adopt a girl from China and a boy from Africa. God gave me the passion some time during my college years. Andrew showed interest when we talked about it during our engagement. There was a time last year when I doubted if God wanted us to adopt internationally or if it was something I made up. After doing some research and hearing from others that have been through an adoption process, it was discouraging to see the amount of money it would take just to get started. I know the Lord will provide.
I believe and know with all my heart that God was preparing me for this appointment. Months ago He had been speaking into my heart about spiritually developing Jonathan and being intentional. He gave me a peace more and more with each day that passed about having Jonathan as our only biological child. When the doctor gave us the news I think she was surprised at how calm we were. She was probably wondering why I didn't have any tears. I told her that God had been working on my heart to hear what she had told us and I'm okay. Thank you Jesus we have our sweet Jonathan to build up and watch grow.
Now I'm not saying I didn't shed ANY tears over the news. My heart did break in hearing, "You cannot have anymore children" and it was pretty hard to tell my family. Everyone has been wonderful about it, though. I have been given reminders to praise the Lord for mine and Andrew's passion for adopting and to get excited about the precious child I have in Jonathan. I love him on a totally different level now. :)
In almost all of the research I've done previously on adopting from China, I found that the age requirement is for both parents must be at least 30 years old. That gives us about 4-5 years before we can start anything. By then Jonathan should be in school and I could handle another small child. I have no idea what we're getting into with all of this, but I am certain that in time, God will give me and Andrew peace about decisions that need to be made and will walk with us through this journey. He is faithful!
So that's the latest in our lives right now. A little setback, but we serve a BIG God. He is the joy of my life and I will not let the devil take it away from me.
Yesterday, I went in to talk with her about the results and what everything meant. The elevated number from my ovaries was 38, where menopausal women are at 40. She told me that I have premature ovarian failure. Which means I'm not producing any eggs and therefore will not be able to get pregnant. This is a side effect from radiation and the high toxicity of my chemo regimen. I was given Lupron shots, that shut my ovaries down during treatment, in hopes of saving the eggs I did have. It didn't work.
My options for having more children are to either go through a donor egg program or adopt. In vitro fertilization is not an option for us since my ovaries are not working at all. Andrew and I are not wanting to do the donor egg option.
Some may know already, but I'll tell you all for those who do not know. Andrew and I have a passion to adopt internationally. We'd like to adopt a girl from China and a boy from Africa. God gave me the passion some time during my college years. Andrew showed interest when we talked about it during our engagement. There was a time last year when I doubted if God wanted us to adopt internationally or if it was something I made up. After doing some research and hearing from others that have been through an adoption process, it was discouraging to see the amount of money it would take just to get started. I know the Lord will provide.
I believe and know with all my heart that God was preparing me for this appointment. Months ago He had been speaking into my heart about spiritually developing Jonathan and being intentional. He gave me a peace more and more with each day that passed about having Jonathan as our only biological child. When the doctor gave us the news I think she was surprised at how calm we were. She was probably wondering why I didn't have any tears. I told her that God had been working on my heart to hear what she had told us and I'm okay. Thank you Jesus we have our sweet Jonathan to build up and watch grow.
Now I'm not saying I didn't shed ANY tears over the news. My heart did break in hearing, "You cannot have anymore children" and it was pretty hard to tell my family. Everyone has been wonderful about it, though. I have been given reminders to praise the Lord for mine and Andrew's passion for adopting and to get excited about the precious child I have in Jonathan. I love him on a totally different level now. :)
In almost all of the research I've done previously on adopting from China, I found that the age requirement is for both parents must be at least 30 years old. That gives us about 4-5 years before we can start anything. By then Jonathan should be in school and I could handle another small child. I have no idea what we're getting into with all of this, but I am certain that in time, God will give me and Andrew peace about decisions that need to be made and will walk with us through this journey. He is faithful!
So that's the latest in our lives right now. A little setback, but we serve a BIG God. He is the joy of my life and I will not let the devil take it away from me.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Looking Up
Last week, I had a routine appointment with my oncologist to go over my MRI results. He said overall things look clear and good. Two scans ago, a spot showed up in another part of my brain. Not in the same area my previous tumor was. He said that it had not grown since this most recent scan, but he wanted to keep an eye on it. He wasn't concerned about it, yet.
Other news he gave me was about my future scans. Right now, each MRI is every 2 months. He would like me to continue with that schedule until my year anniversary of stopping chemo, which is in August. Now, instead of having a 2 hour scan, it should be cut down. He doesn't think it's necessary to scan the spine any longer, so he just wants to have the brain scanned & evaluated. Yay!!! Yay God!! What a blessing!
I also had quite a bit of blood work done last week, as well. My gynecologist sent off blood work to see if I can have anymore children. The first blood test came back with some pretty elevated numbers for my ovaries. "Normal" numbers are around 12 & under. Mine were 38. An infertility specialist was consulted & more blood was sent off for a specialized test. The other blood work was sort of routine for my oncologist to check my levels.
So this is the latest on all that is going on. Right now, I'm taking care of 2 guys at home. Andrew is still recovering from his foot surgery. He will return to work in early April. We're praying this surgery did the trick for his overall pain in his feet. He had the left one done this time & the right one will probably be done later on this year. I've lost count of how many foot surgeries Andrew has had. I think it's something like 7. Needless to say, he's been through quite a lot. And of course, I'm taking care of the little man, too. Right now, we're learning obedience & consequences of disobedience. My, my what a fun little game! I'm trying my best to be consistent. God has helped me. He's revealed a lot about himself during this time of discipline. I'm sure He doesn't like to hear me whine just like it drives me crazy with Jonathan.
Ways to pray:
- MRI spot to end up being scar tissue or something like that
- Blood tests from gynecologist
- Andrew's healing process
Other news he gave me was about my future scans. Right now, each MRI is every 2 months. He would like me to continue with that schedule until my year anniversary of stopping chemo, which is in August. Now, instead of having a 2 hour scan, it should be cut down. He doesn't think it's necessary to scan the spine any longer, so he just wants to have the brain scanned & evaluated. Yay!!! Yay God!! What a blessing!
I also had quite a bit of blood work done last week, as well. My gynecologist sent off blood work to see if I can have anymore children. The first blood test came back with some pretty elevated numbers for my ovaries. "Normal" numbers are around 12 & under. Mine were 38. An infertility specialist was consulted & more blood was sent off for a specialized test. The other blood work was sort of routine for my oncologist to check my levels.
So this is the latest on all that is going on. Right now, I'm taking care of 2 guys at home. Andrew is still recovering from his foot surgery. He will return to work in early April. We're praying this surgery did the trick for his overall pain in his feet. He had the left one done this time & the right one will probably be done later on this year. I've lost count of how many foot surgeries Andrew has had. I think it's something like 7. Needless to say, he's been through quite a lot. And of course, I'm taking care of the little man, too. Right now, we're learning obedience & consequences of disobedience. My, my what a fun little game! I'm trying my best to be consistent. God has helped me. He's revealed a lot about himself during this time of discipline. I'm sure He doesn't like to hear me whine just like it drives me crazy with Jonathan.
Ways to pray:
- MRI spot to end up being scar tissue or something like that
- Blood tests from gynecologist
- Andrew's healing process
Friday, February 1, 2013
The Lord Heard My Cry
Yesterday, I was supposed to have a MRI. I had been praying all week and asking God to heal the cold I've had for 2 weeks. I didn't know how I'd make it through it without coughing and sneezing lots. Andrew was supposed to pick me up an hour before and his bus home was late. An hour late. With such a big delay, we called the nurse at the MRI office and asked her if she still wanted us to come in knowing we would be so late. She had us reschedule for next month. Now yesterday was quite eventful for me and Jonathan, at home.
For lunch, I planned on making pizzas from the freezer. I turned the oven on and after it was preheated, I put the pizzas in. About 5 minutes into cooking, the smoke detectors in the apartment started blaring. Jonathan came running from the living room, crying and just stood looking up at me with his arms up. I think he was scared and the alarm hurt his ears. I went around the kitchen opening as many windows as I could. After the alarm had been going for quite a while I tried to think of what else I needed to do to stop it before someone called the fire dept. thinking we weren't home. I went to the office and opened that big window and then came back in the living room to try to think and not panic. Jonathan was on my hip the whole time crying. I said out loud, "Jesus, help me!!" Next I remembered I had one more area I could open and headed straight for the door of the apartment. I opened the door and a minute later a big gust of wind came through and went in the house. Soon after, the alarms shut off! Jesus heard my prayers and sent me wind to quiet not just smoke detectors, but my crying toddler too!
I just had to share how God helped us out yesterday. He watches out for ALL of our needs. He hears every cry for help. His arm is not too short to bring assistance.
I pray you experience God's help in your life, when you need it. He is ever-present.
For lunch, I planned on making pizzas from the freezer. I turned the oven on and after it was preheated, I put the pizzas in. About 5 minutes into cooking, the smoke detectors in the apartment started blaring. Jonathan came running from the living room, crying and just stood looking up at me with his arms up. I think he was scared and the alarm hurt his ears. I went around the kitchen opening as many windows as I could. After the alarm had been going for quite a while I tried to think of what else I needed to do to stop it before someone called the fire dept. thinking we weren't home. I went to the office and opened that big window and then came back in the living room to try to think and not panic. Jonathan was on my hip the whole time crying. I said out loud, "Jesus, help me!!" Next I remembered I had one more area I could open and headed straight for the door of the apartment. I opened the door and a minute later a big gust of wind came through and went in the house. Soon after, the alarms shut off! Jesus heard my prayers and sent me wind to quiet not just smoke detectors, but my crying toddler too!
I just had to share how God helped us out yesterday. He watches out for ALL of our needs. He hears every cry for help. His arm is not too short to bring assistance.
I pray you experience God's help in your life, when you need it. He is ever-present.
Friday, January 11, 2013
One Step Closer
Yesterday I had my port removed. As many of you know, I was pretty nervous about this procedure because I knew pain would be involved. When my medi-port was put in around this time last year, I was sedated (so that means awake & fully aware of what was going on) and knew everything that was happening. The lidocaine injection hurt pretty bad. That was one of the biggest reasons for my anxiety upon going in to have my port removed. Well, let me tell you how God provided comfort and peace before the minor surgery.
Before I was taken back to the OR, I changed into the hospital gown and an IV was started. I was told at the time an IV was needed so I could have the sedation medicine. My nurses name was Aaron. He was retired Army and in his 40's. Before he started my IV, I asked him if he was good with needles. He told me he had a background with NICU and had dealt with small veins several times. I then told him I was a preemie and we chatted about that for a little bit. So ... attempt one ... he went straight through the vein. Attempt 2, he tried to "float" the needle in. After the second attempt, as politely as I could without punching him in the face, I asked for someone else to poke me. Someone that could actually do it right, ya know?! So another Army nurse came in and said he was as good as gold. I laughed and commented, "Yeah ... that's what he said (pointing to Aaron)." Jesus must be good at IV's too because I believe that's why it went in. To me, the IV would be the second worst part of the whole procedure. It proved to be true.
About an hour after all the needle pokes and misses I was taken back to the OR and prepped for surgery. The prep stuff only adds to the anxiety because you see, feel, and hear them getting everything ready. At this point, my Mom would probably say, "That's when you thank Jesus for all of your senses." Ha ... I'm very thankful for my senses, but in those moments it was pretty hard to thank the Lord for them. I asked one of the techs when they'd give me the sedation medicine and she looked at me puzzled and said, "What sedation medicine?" Oh my word!!! I was ready to jump of the table. I really didn't think I was able to get through the procedure without it. I was then asked if I had anything for breakfast. Well, the nurse that called me earlier in the week failed to tell me that since I was wanting sedation I shouldn't eat anything before surgery. I had a waffle for breakfast, thinking I needed to eat something to help my usual morning nausea. I guess that was a bad idea. The tech then told me that she couldn't give me sedation since I had something to eat. I was so aggravated and frustrated after hearing that. I was mad that an IV was even started for no reason. Especially with how hard it was to get a vein. (I later learned an IV is started regardless just in case it is needed during surgery for any emergency) So the Lord helped me with Ativan instead.
The procedure began with the painful lidocaine injection. When the port was placed, I cried when given the injection because it hurt so bad. This time all I could get out was, "Jesus help me" about four times. I think the nurse next to me thought I was crazy. After the lidocaine, the tugging and pulling began. In about 10 minutes I was being stitched up. So YAY GOD! He brought me through!
When I was back in my little curtained off room, in recovery, the Army nurse, Aaron came back in to check on me and see how everything went. He also apologized again for not getting my IV the first time. Before he left, I asked him if I could pray with him. (I like to pray with all my nurses and doctors) When I finished praying, Aaron kept holding my hand and started praying for me! I was so surprised. I think he was the first nurse that has ever prayed for me WITH me. It was such a blessing!
I woke up this morning thanking Jesus that the procedure was done and over with and for helping me through it. Now that the port is gone, I'm one step closer to complete healing. :)
Things to pray for:
- that the incision site of my port will not get infected and that it will heal perfectly fine
- Aaron the Army nurse - that God will bless him for taking a stand and praying with a patient
Before I was taken back to the OR, I changed into the hospital gown and an IV was started. I was told at the time an IV was needed so I could have the sedation medicine. My nurses name was Aaron. He was retired Army and in his 40's. Before he started my IV, I asked him if he was good with needles. He told me he had a background with NICU and had dealt with small veins several times. I then told him I was a preemie and we chatted about that for a little bit. So ... attempt one ... he went straight through the vein. Attempt 2, he tried to "float" the needle in. After the second attempt, as politely as I could without punching him in the face, I asked for someone else to poke me. Someone that could actually do it right, ya know?! So another Army nurse came in and said he was as good as gold. I laughed and commented, "Yeah ... that's what he said (pointing to Aaron)." Jesus must be good at IV's too because I believe that's why it went in. To me, the IV would be the second worst part of the whole procedure. It proved to be true.
About an hour after all the needle pokes and misses I was taken back to the OR and prepped for surgery. The prep stuff only adds to the anxiety because you see, feel, and hear them getting everything ready. At this point, my Mom would probably say, "That's when you thank Jesus for all of your senses." Ha ... I'm very thankful for my senses, but in those moments it was pretty hard to thank the Lord for them. I asked one of the techs when they'd give me the sedation medicine and she looked at me puzzled and said, "What sedation medicine?" Oh my word!!! I was ready to jump of the table. I really didn't think I was able to get through the procedure without it. I was then asked if I had anything for breakfast. Well, the nurse that called me earlier in the week failed to tell me that since I was wanting sedation I shouldn't eat anything before surgery. I had a waffle for breakfast, thinking I needed to eat something to help my usual morning nausea. I guess that was a bad idea. The tech then told me that she couldn't give me sedation since I had something to eat. I was so aggravated and frustrated after hearing that. I was mad that an IV was even started for no reason. Especially with how hard it was to get a vein. (I later learned an IV is started regardless just in case it is needed during surgery for any emergency) So the Lord helped me with Ativan instead.
The procedure began with the painful lidocaine injection. When the port was placed, I cried when given the injection because it hurt so bad. This time all I could get out was, "Jesus help me" about four times. I think the nurse next to me thought I was crazy. After the lidocaine, the tugging and pulling began. In about 10 minutes I was being stitched up. So YAY GOD! He brought me through!
When I was back in my little curtained off room, in recovery, the Army nurse, Aaron came back in to check on me and see how everything went. He also apologized again for not getting my IV the first time. Before he left, I asked him if I could pray with him. (I like to pray with all my nurses and doctors) When I finished praying, Aaron kept holding my hand and started praying for me! I was so surprised. I think he was the first nurse that has ever prayed for me WITH me. It was such a blessing!
I woke up this morning thanking Jesus that the procedure was done and over with and for helping me through it. Now that the port is gone, I'm one step closer to complete healing. :)
Things to pray for:
- that the incision site of my port will not get infected and that it will heal perfectly fine
- Aaron the Army nurse - that God will bless him for taking a stand and praying with a patient
Friday, January 4, 2013
Encouragement In A Time Of Need
As I was reading through Isaiah this morning God just spoke right to me, starting in verse 10. Here's what it said...
10 - See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.
11- He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gather the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
Now I'm not sure exactly what this is all about, but what I came away with was that Jesus holds me close to his heart and he helps me raise Jonathan.
This week started my days at home and alone with Jonathan. Andrew leaves around 7:30 and returns home from work around 6:00 each night, during the week. Last week, before Andrew started back to work, I was pretty discouraged about being by myself and taking care of Jonathan. He was waking up at 5:15 and 5:30 and I was so tired by 10:00. I was almost in tears a couple hours after breakfast because I knew I had until right after lunch before it was time for a nap. On mornings that Jonathan wakes up between 5:15 and 5:30, I get up looking forward to nap time. That sounds terrible, but it's true.
So this morning, when I was doing my devotion, I was encouraged by the passage I read. I know God helps me with everything; but when I ready that he gently lead those that have young, it was like a bite of a rice crispy treat. (I really like those, by the way.) I set out for the day with confidence that Jesus was going to help me get through each minute, hour, and day with watching Jonathan. I love my little boy so very much and enjoy watching him learn. He is such a blessing in my life.
Tomorrow's Saturday!! That means Andrew can get up with Jonathan in the morning and give me a little break.
Oh ... here's an update on my health stuff. Next week on Tuesday and Wednesday, I have appointments. For Tuesday, I'll be going to the dentist to have cavities filled. Not looking forward to the needle. On Wednesday, I will be having my port taken out. Please pray extra for this procedure. I will be awake. I remember having the port put in and I recall pain when they numbed me up. The doctor told me it would feel like a bee sting, but it felt like I had been put over a burner on a stove. I just laid there and cried. I couldn't squeeze the nurses hand or anything. BUT, Jesus brought me through it! He'll be with me and bring me through this, too. So please pray for courage as I go in for that. I'll give an update after everything is over.
Have a great week in Jesus!
10 - See, the Sovereign Lord comes with power, and his arm rules for him. See, his reward is with him, and his recompense accompanies him.
11- He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gather the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young.
Now I'm not sure exactly what this is all about, but what I came away with was that Jesus holds me close to his heart and he helps me raise Jonathan.
This week started my days at home and alone with Jonathan. Andrew leaves around 7:30 and returns home from work around 6:00 each night, during the week. Last week, before Andrew started back to work, I was pretty discouraged about being by myself and taking care of Jonathan. He was waking up at 5:15 and 5:30 and I was so tired by 10:00. I was almost in tears a couple hours after breakfast because I knew I had until right after lunch before it was time for a nap. On mornings that Jonathan wakes up between 5:15 and 5:30, I get up looking forward to nap time. That sounds terrible, but it's true.
So this morning, when I was doing my devotion, I was encouraged by the passage I read. I know God helps me with everything; but when I ready that he gently lead those that have young, it was like a bite of a rice crispy treat. (I really like those, by the way.) I set out for the day with confidence that Jesus was going to help me get through each minute, hour, and day with watching Jonathan. I love my little boy so very much and enjoy watching him learn. He is such a blessing in my life.
Tomorrow's Saturday!! That means Andrew can get up with Jonathan in the morning and give me a little break.
Oh ... here's an update on my health stuff. Next week on Tuesday and Wednesday, I have appointments. For Tuesday, I'll be going to the dentist to have cavities filled. Not looking forward to the needle. On Wednesday, I will be having my port taken out. Please pray extra for this procedure. I will be awake. I remember having the port put in and I recall pain when they numbed me up. The doctor told me it would feel like a bee sting, but it felt like I had been put over a burner on a stove. I just laid there and cried. I couldn't squeeze the nurses hand or anything. BUT, Jesus brought me through it! He'll be with me and bring me through this, too. So please pray for courage as I go in for that. I'll give an update after everything is over.
Have a great week in Jesus!
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