Great news everyone. After another attack last night, at 9:00 pm, a young man was arrested. Police are pretty sure this is the same guy from all of the other attacks. I'm not sure of further details, but this is the only one I cared about. That whoever was doing it is now in custody of the police. I have never been gripped by fear as I was last night. It's hard to explain. The devil knows that I am struggling with fear the most right now and he was hitting me with everything he could. I couldn't write about it without crying. I'm praising Jesus now and I will be praying for mine & my family's safety in a whole new way now. Thank you for praying!!
Surgery didn't happen this morning as planned. We were debating whether or not to go through with it because the long week with NIH wore me down and I caught a cold from Jonathan. I went to see my PCM (family doctor) to see what he recommended. He didn't want to tell me either way because he didn't want anything on him. He did suggest that if I was still feeling achy, sore throat, and ear tenderness/pain, to just ask to reschedule. It wasn't worth it to go under anesthesia and come out and try to fight off being sick AND heal from a surgery. So, that's what we did. We got up this morning at 3:30 to do the surgery prep wipe down, left by 4:30 for the hospital and was in the chair ready to start an IV. I told them of course that I didn't want to be stuck unless I was for sure going into surgery. Well, they had to take blood to check levels to see how sick I was. One poke. It wasn't that bad. The nurse was great. I told him, "I'm not trying to be ugly, but you've only got one try before I ask for another nurse." He laughed and understood. So I talked with the surgeon and he said we'd reschedule for the same reasons the PCM said for next Friday.
Monday, we have an appointment at 10:00 with my oncologist, Dr. Wanko and Dr. Wroblewski (the one I'm not fond of and do not trust) At that time, we should learn my chemo regimen. Dr. Fine gave us the recommended doses and all that. He never wanted me to do the plan that was presented by Dr. Wroblewski. The creator of that protocol also didn't want me to do that chemo plan at those high doses. He suggested the lower doses. Andrew's already got his fighting gear on and is ready to fire if need be. Mom has been ready since the Dr. Wroblewski appointment lol.
My week coming up isn't quite as full as last week. I'm going to try my best to rest and get to feeling lots better so I can get this surgery done and over with.
Thanks again for the prayers for everything. God answers prayers ... He's so good to me!!!!
Friday, April 27, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Get on your knees
Tomorrow morning at 5:30, I plan to be at the hospital getting ready for surgery at 7:30. The last couple of days I've been feeling pretty crummy. The run around yesterday didn't help at all. Surgery tomorrow includes shunt removal and replacement with different kind and spinal tap. I think that's all. No port replacement at the time. I should be able to use the one I have. We weren't able to meet with my oncologist today, but I DO have an appointment for Monday that will give us the final details of when chemo will begin and all that. I have what chemo drugs they'll be using and dosage amounts but we'll see what the doctor says and who will be administering it.
This afternoon, when I turned the tv on, the local news station mentioned of 3 attacks within 26 hours of each other about 8 miles up the road. All who were attacked were walking alone. The first one they are unsure of the time of attack, but the man was found dead at 6:00, the second was at 3 am with another man injured to the back of the head, the third was 37 yr old black female at 8:40 pm. All were struck in the back of the head and those alive are in serious condition.
I don't tell you this to scare y'all, but to alert you to call the angels of Heaven to protect my family, especially Andrew. He walks from our apartment complex to the bus stop early in the morning and when he gets off from work. Both are at daylight hours but it still makes me extremely nervous for his safety. My God is bigger than anything and will protect my husband! Hopefully this attacker is caught very soon. I'm trying very hard not to worry.
Okay, get to praying!
This afternoon, when I turned the tv on, the local news station mentioned of 3 attacks within 26 hours of each other about 8 miles up the road. All who were attacked were walking alone. The first one they are unsure of the time of attack, but the man was found dead at 6:00, the second was at 3 am with another man injured to the back of the head, the third was 37 yr old black female at 8:40 pm. All were struck in the back of the head and those alive are in serious condition.
I don't tell you this to scare y'all, but to alert you to call the angels of Heaven to protect my family, especially Andrew. He walks from our apartment complex to the bus stop early in the morning and when he gets off from work. Both are at daylight hours but it still makes me extremely nervous for his safety. My God is bigger than anything and will protect my husband! Hopefully this attacker is caught very soon. I'm trying very hard not to worry.
Okay, get to praying!
Monday, April 23, 2012
Getting My Gear On
Hey everyone. This week holds a lot of tests, but I will tell you about those in a bit. First, I want to share something cool God whispered to me this past week.
During my quiet time last week, a couple things jumped out to me as an aide in my NOW moments. First was about a passage when Luke wrote the prescription for the victorious life. He wrote it for all of us who would desire to become Christ's disciple or His follower: live life one surrendered day at a time. I am so there right now. Living each day as it comes and giving it back to Jesus. I'm thankful for each one He gives me and brings me through.
The second cool thing was how sometimes when Jesus is about to do something really special in our lives, He will rearrange our surroundings. That's exactly what He did for me almost 5 months ago. My surroundings definitely have changed. I wouldn't have it any other way. I know God is using this mountain, though it feels so steep sometimes, to bring growth spiritually.
The past few weeks have been so nice in not having appointments or procedures. I didn't realize how much I needed the break until I was in it. I'm so glad I have one day in between my scans and my surgery this week too. I have to psychologically prepare myself for these kind of things.
So this week I have 3 MRIs, 1 CT scan, pre-op surgery stuff like bloodwork, an EKG, and chest xray, and then on Friday another brain surgery. This is the one where they'll replace the shunt. I was supposed to have this surgery on April 16, but it was postponed. So please pray along with me that all scans come back clear or if something does show up, that it will be so apparent the doctors will know how to treat it.
Another thing you can be praying for is I feel as though I'm getting something, like getting sick. My throat has been scratchy all day and my ears are starting to hurt. I've been taking lots of vitamin C and gargling with warm salt water. I'd hate for this surgery to be postponed again. Chemo can't begin until I've had this surgery and healed completely from it. I know everything happens for a reason, so that's what I'm trusting in.
That's all for now. I'll let you guys know what the chief oncologist says after my Wednesday appointment. I should have a lot more clarity about my chemo plan and lots of questions answered from the previous appointment that put quite the scare in us.
During my quiet time last week, a couple things jumped out to me as an aide in my NOW moments. First was about a passage when Luke wrote the prescription for the victorious life. He wrote it for all of us who would desire to become Christ's disciple or His follower: live life one surrendered day at a time. I am so there right now. Living each day as it comes and giving it back to Jesus. I'm thankful for each one He gives me and brings me through.
The second cool thing was how sometimes when Jesus is about to do something really special in our lives, He will rearrange our surroundings. That's exactly what He did for me almost 5 months ago. My surroundings definitely have changed. I wouldn't have it any other way. I know God is using this mountain, though it feels so steep sometimes, to bring growth spiritually.
The past few weeks have been so nice in not having appointments or procedures. I didn't realize how much I needed the break until I was in it. I'm so glad I have one day in between my scans and my surgery this week too. I have to psychologically prepare myself for these kind of things.
So this week I have 3 MRIs, 1 CT scan, pre-op surgery stuff like bloodwork, an EKG, and chest xray, and then on Friday another brain surgery. This is the one where they'll replace the shunt. I was supposed to have this surgery on April 16, but it was postponed. So please pray along with me that all scans come back clear or if something does show up, that it will be so apparent the doctors will know how to treat it.
Another thing you can be praying for is I feel as though I'm getting something, like getting sick. My throat has been scratchy all day and my ears are starting to hurt. I've been taking lots of vitamin C and gargling with warm salt water. I'd hate for this surgery to be postponed again. Chemo can't begin until I've had this surgery and healed completely from it. I know everything happens for a reason, so that's what I'm trusting in.
That's all for now. I'll let you guys know what the chief oncologist says after my Wednesday appointment. I should have a lot more clarity about my chemo plan and lots of questions answered from the previous appointment that put quite the scare in us.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Great is Thy Faithfulness!
The past couple of days, God has revealed His power to me in some new ways! It's so exciting to see Him do things over and over and just take care of me. In the mornings, while my mom or mother-in-law keeps an eye on Jonathan, I eat my breakfast and take my pills in the office so I can have my quiet time. I'm going through a 90 days with Jesus study with Beth Moore and I'm really enjoying it.
On Wednesday morning, after I finished my reading, I started to take my pills. This time, I tried taking them whole and not cut up. I've had to take them quartered for the last at least month because of my gag reflex. At the beginning of this mountain climb, back when I had the salt tablets and all of those supplements, I could take each pill whole with no problem. This is a challenge that has developed fairly recently. So this time, I tried taking it whole and guess what?! It went down with no problem!!!! I just sat there for a minute in shock that I just swallowed a whole pill, without food to help it go down. All of the sudden, a song started going in my heart. The one that goes "God is so good .... God is so good ... God is so good, He's so good to me." Now back when I had the almost unbearable pain in my legs, I was told by someone, I can't remember who, that through my tears and crying out in pain, I sang God is so good. BUT, I do remember not being able to sing the verse of "God answers prayers." In that moment, I felt like God didn't hear a single word I had prayed in asking for some kind of relief. That is the only time in my life that I felt that God had turned His back on me. I now know different. He never left me. He probably cried along with me. I'm so glad that pain is gone and I'm no longer on the steroid that caused it.
That Wednesday, in my heart, I sang "GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!!!!" I remember telling Andrew, can you believe God just did that?! I haven't swallowed a pill whole in a really long time! I shouldn't be surprised by His faithfulness to me, but I was.
There was a split second before taking the pill that doubt crept in and the thought of throwing the calcium & colace in the garbage crossed my mind. After all, I'd take it again at lunch time. But the Holy Spirit, almost instantly spoke to my heart and said "Why do you want to throw away an opportunity to see me work?" I'm so glad I took the pills and then sat in shock at my Jesus' faithfulness in helping me. Yay God!!!
On Wednesday morning, after I finished my reading, I started to take my pills. This time, I tried taking them whole and not cut up. I've had to take them quartered for the last at least month because of my gag reflex. At the beginning of this mountain climb, back when I had the salt tablets and all of those supplements, I could take each pill whole with no problem. This is a challenge that has developed fairly recently. So this time, I tried taking it whole and guess what?! It went down with no problem!!!! I just sat there for a minute in shock that I just swallowed a whole pill, without food to help it go down. All of the sudden, a song started going in my heart. The one that goes "God is so good .... God is so good ... God is so good, He's so good to me." Now back when I had the almost unbearable pain in my legs, I was told by someone, I can't remember who, that through my tears and crying out in pain, I sang God is so good. BUT, I do remember not being able to sing the verse of "God answers prayers." In that moment, I felt like God didn't hear a single word I had prayed in asking for some kind of relief. That is the only time in my life that I felt that God had turned His back on me. I now know different. He never left me. He probably cried along with me. I'm so glad that pain is gone and I'm no longer on the steroid that caused it.
That Wednesday, in my heart, I sang "GOD ANSWERS PRAYERS!!!!" I remember telling Andrew, can you believe God just did that?! I haven't swallowed a pill whole in a really long time! I shouldn't be surprised by His faithfulness to me, but I was.
There was a split second before taking the pill that doubt crept in and the thought of throwing the calcium & colace in the garbage crossed my mind. After all, I'd take it again at lunch time. But the Holy Spirit, almost instantly spoke to my heart and said "Why do you want to throw away an opportunity to see me work?" I'm so glad I took the pills and then sat in shock at my Jesus' faithfulness in helping me. Yay God!!!
Thursday, April 12, 2012
God is Working ...
I have to share with you all my latest answered prayers. I think I put in the last post how I had a surgery coming up on April 16. That has been postponed until April 27. Here are some answered prayers within that new date ...
1. I can enjoy my brother-in-law & his family & my sister-in-law coming in this weekend.
2. I am able to meet with the chief oncologist at NIH before the surgery & I should be able to have LOTS more answers on chemo plan & all that.
3. We were told that the shunt will be changed to the one that has the magnetic dial & later removed. I wanted this shunt! So yay God!
4. They can take cerebral fluid from my brain & not need to do the spinal tap!
There was something else, but I can't remember it right now. Anyway, all procedures I was asking you to pray for can be done while I'm under!! Praise the Lord! That helps my anxiety level going into this surgery SO much!
This morning, when I was doing my quiet time, I was reading through the passage that tells of when Jesus brought a girl who was dead, back to life. She was only sleeping. I'm doing a 90 days with Jesus study from Beth Moore and learning a lot. So today was about desperation for Jesus. She asked the question if I knew someone who was or was myself desperate for Jesus. UH YEAH! I can't fight this battle, climb this mountain, or anything else without Him. I'm learning that in a whole new way. I just loved her ending statement talking about Jesus ...
"He is there for the desperate. He specializes in the hopeless. Every time you think of those who are suffering, think of Jesus, who knows the path through dire need."
Pretty cool huh? Now, I don't look at my battle right now as suffering. In a month ... I might. Each day is different. But I DO know & have seen with my own eyes that Jesus knows the path through dire need. I've called out to Him several times, asking Him for help to swallow pills, keep them down, help me gain weight, help me through radiation treatments, help me through labwork, help me through the port procedure, & even help me drink an ensure drink when it tastes over the top sweet.
I just wanted to share how God was working with me lately. He is & I know He will continue. Through your prayers, power has been released. So don't stop! I haven't & won't.
Be blessed!!
1. I can enjoy my brother-in-law & his family & my sister-in-law coming in this weekend.
2. I am able to meet with the chief oncologist at NIH before the surgery & I should be able to have LOTS more answers on chemo plan & all that.
3. We were told that the shunt will be changed to the one that has the magnetic dial & later removed. I wanted this shunt! So yay God!
4. They can take cerebral fluid from my brain & not need to do the spinal tap!
There was something else, but I can't remember it right now. Anyway, all procedures I was asking you to pray for can be done while I'm under!! Praise the Lord! That helps my anxiety level going into this surgery SO much!
This morning, when I was doing my quiet time, I was reading through the passage that tells of when Jesus brought a girl who was dead, back to life. She was only sleeping. I'm doing a 90 days with Jesus study from Beth Moore and learning a lot. So today was about desperation for Jesus. She asked the question if I knew someone who was or was myself desperate for Jesus. UH YEAH! I can't fight this battle, climb this mountain, or anything else without Him. I'm learning that in a whole new way. I just loved her ending statement talking about Jesus ...
"He is there for the desperate. He specializes in the hopeless. Every time you think of those who are suffering, think of Jesus, who knows the path through dire need."
Pretty cool huh? Now, I don't look at my battle right now as suffering. In a month ... I might. Each day is different. But I DO know & have seen with my own eyes that Jesus knows the path through dire need. I've called out to Him several times, asking Him for help to swallow pills, keep them down, help me gain weight, help me through radiation treatments, help me through labwork, help me through the port procedure, & even help me drink an ensure drink when it tastes over the top sweet.
I just wanted to share how God was working with me lately. He is & I know He will continue. Through your prayers, power has been released. So don't stop! I haven't & won't.
Be blessed!!
Monday, April 9, 2012
Thank You!
I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers. I have so many of you remind me of how you are lifting me up and it's very encouraging. Here's what's been going on lately.
My swallowing is without pain (Thank You Jesus!) now, so I can eat easily, just not the normal portion size I did previously. I'd love to tell you I've been eating anything and everything I want, but that hasn't happened yet. In addition to feeling full pretty quickly because I've been eating half the amount I did before, lately everything has been tasting like salt. Momma made some biscuits and gravy the other day and the salt has just stuck with me, for some reason. All day I felt like I had swallowed a salt tablet on an empty stomach. I only did that once while we were staying at the Fisher House. Never again. I was miserable. Talk about a tummy ache! Anyway, since eating that, it hasn't mattered what I eat and sometimes even drink. I just taste salt. I had a green grape today, thinking fresh fruit would be nice ... but the dang grape tasted like salt! Ugh! Oh well, at least I can eat! I was having the problem of anything sweet would taste SUPER sweet and anything salty would taste SUPER salty. So taking pills with strawberry shortcake ... pretty hard. I'm trying hard to gain weight to get ready for chemo, but it's hard. I know, I know ... lots of you are saying, "man, I wish I had a hard time gaining weight."
Sleeping is difficult at night only because the people that live above us sound like a herd of buffalo. I'm not kidding. They must be playing that dance game on the Wii. Last night was the first night in a long time that I slept in the same bed as Andrew. I've been sleeping on the couch sort of propped up, since I was coughing a lot. Not anymore! Yay :o)
Right now, my Momma is back in FL for 2 weeks. She has lots to get done and lots of love to give her boys and the rest of the family down there. She told me my oldest nephew Waylon was so excited to see her that he raised his hands and yelled "Nana!" at the sight of her. Wish I could've seen it.
While my Mom is away, Andrew's Mom is here to help me. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law, so having her with me is a blessing. A BIG blessing! Others in his family are coming in soon.
I'm trying to get back into doing things on my own, so this morning, I got up before Jonathan's dr appt so I could grab him out of the crib. I had Andrew help me because I can only hold him for maybe a minute. He's so stinkin' heavy! 23 lbs. is feeling pretty heavy these days. It's annoying because I want to love on him, but have to sit and then he wants to get down and play. So I woke him up this morning and brought him into the kitchen to get his breakfast (oatmeal) ready. For a split second, everything felt back to normal again. Like I wasn't fighting cancer. But, I was quickly snapped back into reality when I tried to refill the Brita with cold water. The cold water gave off an odor that to me, smelled just like radiation. Now my radiologist would say, "Oh, it's psychological" but from now on, I'll let someone else refill that thing.
On Friday evening, I was thinking of Good Friday and thanking Jesus for his death on the cross for me. But then I got to thinking, this year, I'm thankful for a little more. I'm thankful for the struggle he had in the Garden before he was arrested. I'm grateful for that because in that moment he showed the conflict he was challenged with and how even he wrestled with obeying in faith and not wanting to go forward. I had those feelings almost every Monday, with radiation. I have those feelings now, with chemo. I'm pretty scared of what's to come. I don't know the terrain of this mountain ahead. I don't know how hard the battle will be. But I DO KNOW Jesus hasn't left my side from the beginning until now, and it's not like him to walk away now. I KNOW that just as Isaiah 41:13 says, He will hold my right hand. I need to reclaim my verse from my Team Lindsey shirt and fear NO bad news because I am firmly fixed on trusting the Lord. I feel like singing that song that goes "He's still workin' on me ..." Learned that one when I was a little girl. I'm a work in progress and I pray it never ends!
So there's an update for now. In case I don't write until next week, I have a surgery on Monday. This will be to remove or replace the shunt I have in my brain. There is a shunt that can be turned with a magnetic dial and I'm hoping they put that one back in. That way if this ever happens again, instead of drilling into my brain, they can turn the dial and I'll get relief that way. Another thing y'all can be praying earnestly with me for is that two other procedures can be done while I'm under. My port may need to be replaced with a different kind, so I'd like them to do it then. The first and only port procedure I had earlier was pretty painful and I really don't want to do that over again. The second procedure would be the spinal tap. During my last surgery a spinal tap was done and you all might know how completely terrified I am of this procedure. I've heard to many horror stories about them.
So there ya go, pray that during my surgery, those other procedures can be done so I won't feel them. Oh and that Andrew can reach the oncologist at NIH to find out exactly what port I need to have ... the one I have now, or a different one. After the surgery, I'll be in the hospital recovering for however many days the surgeon tells me.
Thank you again for all the prayers. With God and those prayers, I have been able to get through each day, take my pills, and just live life. Thought I was gunna say just do it huh?
My swallowing is without pain (Thank You Jesus!) now, so I can eat easily, just not the normal portion size I did previously. I'd love to tell you I've been eating anything and everything I want, but that hasn't happened yet. In addition to feeling full pretty quickly because I've been eating half the amount I did before, lately everything has been tasting like salt. Momma made some biscuits and gravy the other day and the salt has just stuck with me, for some reason. All day I felt like I had swallowed a salt tablet on an empty stomach. I only did that once while we were staying at the Fisher House. Never again. I was miserable. Talk about a tummy ache! Anyway, since eating that, it hasn't mattered what I eat and sometimes even drink. I just taste salt. I had a green grape today, thinking fresh fruit would be nice ... but the dang grape tasted like salt! Ugh! Oh well, at least I can eat! I was having the problem of anything sweet would taste SUPER sweet and anything salty would taste SUPER salty. So taking pills with strawberry shortcake ... pretty hard. I'm trying hard to gain weight to get ready for chemo, but it's hard. I know, I know ... lots of you are saying, "man, I wish I had a hard time gaining weight."
Sleeping is difficult at night only because the people that live above us sound like a herd of buffalo. I'm not kidding. They must be playing that dance game on the Wii. Last night was the first night in a long time that I slept in the same bed as Andrew. I've been sleeping on the couch sort of propped up, since I was coughing a lot. Not anymore! Yay :o)
Right now, my Momma is back in FL for 2 weeks. She has lots to get done and lots of love to give her boys and the rest of the family down there. She told me my oldest nephew Waylon was so excited to see her that he raised his hands and yelled "Nana!" at the sight of her. Wish I could've seen it.
While my Mom is away, Andrew's Mom is here to help me. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law, so having her with me is a blessing. A BIG blessing! Others in his family are coming in soon.
I'm trying to get back into doing things on my own, so this morning, I got up before Jonathan's dr appt so I could grab him out of the crib. I had Andrew help me because I can only hold him for maybe a minute. He's so stinkin' heavy! 23 lbs. is feeling pretty heavy these days. It's annoying because I want to love on him, but have to sit and then he wants to get down and play. So I woke him up this morning and brought him into the kitchen to get his breakfast (oatmeal) ready. For a split second, everything felt back to normal again. Like I wasn't fighting cancer. But, I was quickly snapped back into reality when I tried to refill the Brita with cold water. The cold water gave off an odor that to me, smelled just like radiation. Now my radiologist would say, "Oh, it's psychological" but from now on, I'll let someone else refill that thing.
On Friday evening, I was thinking of Good Friday and thanking Jesus for his death on the cross for me. But then I got to thinking, this year, I'm thankful for a little more. I'm thankful for the struggle he had in the Garden before he was arrested. I'm grateful for that because in that moment he showed the conflict he was challenged with and how even he wrestled with obeying in faith and not wanting to go forward. I had those feelings almost every Monday, with radiation. I have those feelings now, with chemo. I'm pretty scared of what's to come. I don't know the terrain of this mountain ahead. I don't know how hard the battle will be. But I DO KNOW Jesus hasn't left my side from the beginning until now, and it's not like him to walk away now. I KNOW that just as Isaiah 41:13 says, He will hold my right hand. I need to reclaim my verse from my Team Lindsey shirt and fear NO bad news because I am firmly fixed on trusting the Lord. I feel like singing that song that goes "He's still workin' on me ..." Learned that one when I was a little girl. I'm a work in progress and I pray it never ends!
So there's an update for now. In case I don't write until next week, I have a surgery on Monday. This will be to remove or replace the shunt I have in my brain. There is a shunt that can be turned with a magnetic dial and I'm hoping they put that one back in. That way if this ever happens again, instead of drilling into my brain, they can turn the dial and I'll get relief that way. Another thing y'all can be praying earnestly with me for is that two other procedures can be done while I'm under. My port may need to be replaced with a different kind, so I'd like them to do it then. The first and only port procedure I had earlier was pretty painful and I really don't want to do that over again. The second procedure would be the spinal tap. During my last surgery a spinal tap was done and you all might know how completely terrified I am of this procedure. I've heard to many horror stories about them.
So there ya go, pray that during my surgery, those other procedures can be done so I won't feel them. Oh and that Andrew can reach the oncologist at NIH to find out exactly what port I need to have ... the one I have now, or a different one. After the surgery, I'll be in the hospital recovering for however many days the surgeon tells me.
Thank you again for all the prayers. With God and those prayers, I have been able to get through each day, take my pills, and just live life. Thought I was gunna say just do it huh?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)