Thank You!

I just wanted to thank everyone for their prayers. I have so many of you remind me of how you are lifting me up and it's very encouraging. Here's what's been going on lately.

My swallowing is without pain (Thank You Jesus!) now, so I can eat easily, just not the normal portion size I did previously. I'd love to tell you I've been eating anything and everything I want, but that hasn't happened yet. In addition to feeling full pretty quickly because I've been eating half the amount I did before, lately everything has been tasting like salt. Momma made some biscuits and gravy the other day and the salt has just stuck with me, for some reason. All day I felt like I had swallowed a salt tablet on an empty stomach. I only did that once while we were staying at the Fisher House. Never again. I was miserable. Talk about a tummy ache! Anyway, since eating that, it hasn't mattered what I eat and sometimes even drink. I just taste salt. I had a green grape today, thinking fresh fruit would be nice ... but the dang grape tasted like salt! Ugh! Oh well, at least I can eat! I was having the problem of anything sweet would taste SUPER sweet and anything salty would taste SUPER salty. So taking pills with strawberry shortcake ... pretty hard. I'm trying hard to gain weight to get ready for chemo, but it's hard. I know, I know ... lots of you are saying, "man, I wish I had a hard time gaining weight."

Sleeping is difficult at night only because the people that live above us sound like a herd of buffalo. I'm not kidding. They must be playing that dance game on the Wii. Last night was the first night in a long time that I slept in the same bed as Andrew. I've been sleeping on the couch sort of propped up, since I was coughing a lot. Not anymore! Yay :o)

Right now, my Momma is back in FL for 2 weeks. She has lots to get done and lots of love to give her boys and the rest of the family down there. She told me my oldest nephew Waylon was so excited to see her that he raised his hands and yelled "Nana!" at the sight of her. Wish I could've seen it.

While my Mom is away, Andrew's Mom is here to help me. I have a great relationship with my mother-in-law, so having her with me is a blessing. A BIG blessing! Others in his family are coming in soon.

I'm trying to get back into doing things on my own, so this morning, I got up before Jonathan's dr appt so I could grab him out of the crib. I had Andrew help me because I can only hold him for maybe a minute. He's so stinkin' heavy! 23 lbs. is feeling pretty heavy these days. It's annoying because I want to love on him, but have to sit and then he wants to get down and play. So I woke him up this morning and brought him into the kitchen to get his breakfast (oatmeal) ready. For a split second, everything felt back to normal again. Like I wasn't fighting cancer. But, I was quickly snapped back into reality when I tried to refill the Brita with cold water. The cold water gave off an odor that to me, smelled just like radiation. Now my radiologist would say, "Oh, it's psychological" but from now on, I'll let someone else refill that thing.

On Friday evening, I was thinking of Good Friday and thanking Jesus for his death on the cross for me. But then I got to thinking, this year, I'm thankful for a little more. I'm thankful for the struggle he had in the Garden before he was arrested. I'm grateful for that because in that moment he showed the conflict he was challenged with and how even he wrestled with obeying in faith and not wanting to go forward. I had those feelings almost every Monday, with radiation. I have those feelings now, with chemo. I'm pretty scared of what's to come. I don't know the terrain of this mountain ahead. I don't know how hard the battle will be. But I DO KNOW Jesus hasn't left my side from the beginning until now, and it's not like him to walk away now. I KNOW that just as Isaiah 41:13 says, He will hold my right hand. I need to reclaim my verse from my Team Lindsey shirt and fear NO bad news because I am firmly fixed on trusting the Lord. I feel like singing that song that goes "He's still workin' on me ..." Learned that one when I was a little girl. I'm a work in progress and I pray it never ends!

So there's an update for now. In case I don't write until next week, I have a surgery on Monday. This will be to remove or replace the shunt I have in my brain. There is a shunt that can be turned with a magnetic dial and I'm hoping they put that one back in. That way if this ever happens again, instead of drilling into my brain, they can turn the dial and I'll get relief that way. Another thing y'all can be praying earnestly with me for is that two other procedures can be done while I'm under. My port may need to be replaced with a different kind, so I'd like them to do it then. The first and only port procedure I had earlier was pretty painful and I really don't want to do that over again. The second procedure would be the spinal tap. During my last surgery a spinal tap was done and you all might know how completely terrified I am of this procedure. I've heard to many horror stories about them.

So there ya go, pray that during my surgery, those other procedures can be done so I won't feel them. Oh and that Andrew can reach the oncologist at NIH to find out exactly what port I need to have ... the one I have now, or a different one. After the surgery, I'll be in the hospital recovering for however many days the surgeon tells me.

Thank you again for all the prayers. With God and those prayers, I have been able to get through each day, take my pills, and just live life. Thought I was gunna say just do it huh?