In my last entry, I covered how Andrew, me, and my Momma were fasting from Facebook & seeking out what God wanted for my personal chemo plan - to continue or not. I felt a peace about going on. I heard the Holy Spirit tell me to press on! and to continue to allow Him to use me through my journey.
I am now 1/2 way through my chemo rounds. I have 2 left! Woo Hoo! I've been home a few days now and it still quite hasn't hit me that I'm on my break. While in the hospital, I kept dreaming about being in the apartment, at home and now that I'm at home, I keep dreaming I'm at the hospital. The devil's really been getting me here because the dreams have often been about unnecessary procedures being forced upon me. Of course, in those dreams ... Andrew and Mom are no where to be found to help me. So please pray that I have peaceful sleep while I'm at home.
So this weekend is almost over and I have labs on Tuesday. I'll be taking my book and Ipad this time. I have a feeling some transfusion, whether it be blood or platelets will be taking place. I've been very tired this weekend and I don't remember it being this exhausting last time.
Each time I got into the hospital, I try to wait and watch God point out which nurse He wants me to be an extra blessing to. During my first one, it was with a nurse named Angelique. Well, God brought her to minister to me, more than the other way around. I remember chatting with her about the frustrations I was having and being nervous about what was ahead. What she told me next has stuck with me until now. I often ask God to give me no side effects with my meds, but Angelique reminded me that those side effects let everyone know that the medicine is working for me. So I try to remind myself of that each time I feel nauseated, my mouth burns, or I'm really tired. I'll tell you about the next nurse later.
This weekend is supposed to be my nader point (when all counts are really low). It's normal for chemo patients. I'm just curious exactly how tired I'm going to feel and I'm this exhausted now. I do remember my oncologist telling me people often didn't work a job on my regimen. It'd be too much. I just feel so lazy sometimes. I'm still going on walks with Mom and Jonathan.
Good news! I had a sliver of brownie last night! I'm working on packing on the pounds ... maybe a few more pieces would help. Andrew made some the other night and I just couldn't get over how good it tasted. Oh, and for the first time since last year, I got up in the middle of the night and ate cereal. That should help me gain weight too right?
Alright, that's all I can think of right now. Here are some things to pray for in the next few days .... or until I am able to get back on here.
- Weight gain
- Nupegen shots continue to work
- Next round of chemo
- Being a witness for Jesus to my medical staff
Okay ... get on those knees! I know God hears every one! Thanks guys. :o)
Sunday, June 24, 2012
Monday, June 18, 2012
Coming Up This Week
This past week, I've not been on the computer too much because I've been fasting from FB & I know that's how most of you read this. My mom and I took a week-long break from Facebook to seek out God's will for me with the rest of my chemo treatments. I was prepared for either answer, knowing both would take a great amount of faith. We made it through the week and at the end, I asked Mom what the Holy Spirit had revealed to her. We had the same thing. What I heard from the Lord was to press on. How can He help others without my doing the rest of my treatments?
This past Sunday, after listening to a sermon from Craig Groeschel on lifechurch.tv, we all went to DC to try a museum out. Our first pick was the Native American Museum. I'm so glad we had the wheelchair. I don't think I would've been able to do all that walking. We had fun, but were pretty tired at the end of the day.
So, as far as treatment goes, I'm going in tonight to start hydration and then chemo will begin tomorrow. After this treatment, I'll have 2 left! How I react to the chemo could be different each time, so please continue to pray about that. Another very important thing to pray for is my weight. I'm still having a hard time gaining. I am now down to 95, which isn't that far from my normal. Even so, it's not a great number. I'm very frustrated because I've been eating as much as I can and I still don't see results. I'm afraid a feeding tube is coming?! It's hard to stretch your stomach and eat a normal portion after you've been eating half of that for so long. I really AM trying even though it often doesn't look like it. I've tried drinking Ensure and/or Boost plus, but they are SO sweet they give me a stomach ache on top of the nausea. One morning I got sick because I turned around to fast while I was putting dishes away. The next morning, I threw up because of the smell of eggs. So that made things even more frustrating since I had just eaten and you know how you really don't feel like eating anything after getting sick. Andrew was so good though! He usually needs a bucket right next to you for himself, but he kept his distance checking on me and poured me some ginger ale. What a great guy I have! He is a blessing for sure.
The nausea is still there almost all the time. The dr. gave me some patch that looks like a band-aid to help. I feel like it does a little bit. I still take my zofran, ativan, and composine throughout the day though.
Okay, I gave you new things to pray for, an update on last week's happenings, and now I'll probably not blog for another week since I'm going into the hospital tonight.
Thanks again for your prayers and encouragement. They help me through my "run away" moments, when I just want to be somewhere else with none of this happening.
Have a great week in the Lord!
This past Sunday, after listening to a sermon from Craig Groeschel on lifechurch.tv, we all went to DC to try a museum out. Our first pick was the Native American Museum. I'm so glad we had the wheelchair. I don't think I would've been able to do all that walking. We had fun, but were pretty tired at the end of the day.
So, as far as treatment goes, I'm going in tonight to start hydration and then chemo will begin tomorrow. After this treatment, I'll have 2 left! How I react to the chemo could be different each time, so please continue to pray about that. Another very important thing to pray for is my weight. I'm still having a hard time gaining. I am now down to 95, which isn't that far from my normal. Even so, it's not a great number. I'm very frustrated because I've been eating as much as I can and I still don't see results. I'm afraid a feeding tube is coming?! It's hard to stretch your stomach and eat a normal portion after you've been eating half of that for so long. I really AM trying even though it often doesn't look like it. I've tried drinking Ensure and/or Boost plus, but they are SO sweet they give me a stomach ache on top of the nausea. One morning I got sick because I turned around to fast while I was putting dishes away. The next morning, I threw up because of the smell of eggs. So that made things even more frustrating since I had just eaten and you know how you really don't feel like eating anything after getting sick. Andrew was so good though! He usually needs a bucket right next to you for himself, but he kept his distance checking on me and poured me some ginger ale. What a great guy I have! He is a blessing for sure.
The nausea is still there almost all the time. The dr. gave me some patch that looks like a band-aid to help. I feel like it does a little bit. I still take my zofran, ativan, and composine throughout the day though.
Okay, I gave you new things to pray for, an update on last week's happenings, and now I'll probably not blog for another week since I'm going into the hospital tonight.
Thanks again for your prayers and encouragement. They help me through my "run away" moments, when I just want to be somewhere else with none of this happening.
Have a great week in the Lord!
Thursday, June 7, 2012
A New Kind of Thankful
Today I had my support group meeting. Every first and third Thursday of the month, I meet with about 10 women that all have cancer and we talk with a psychologist about different topics. Today was about relationships.
We covered a lot in our 2 hours together. We talked about everything from communication challenges between spouses to how to handle when others want to help or when they expect too much of you. I found several of the women mentioning how lots of people think once you're done with chemo or whatever treatment regimen you were given, many around us think, "Oh, they're done, they should be back to normal now." That's not the case. It's a stereotype I believed until today. I knew my body would take a week or so to feel better, but these women were saying it was more like months and sometimes even a year. I'm not discouraged, just thankful, because now I can communicate with others better now that I know.
When we talked about communicating with family, mothers became topic. I almost cried when talking about mine. There was one woman who said she had the expectation that her mom would come and help out or at least offer when she found out her daughter had cancer and she didn't. It was heartbreaking to hear of a momma who for whatever reason wasn't there for her daughter when she clearly needed her. The woman was saying she doesn't have a great relationship with her mom and she thinks that's why she isn't helping her today.
I hugged my Mom long and hard afterward and told her how thankful I was to have her here with me during this time.
After my group, I had labs. So I went to get my labs done assuming we'd be there for another 4 hours getting platelets. My labs came back showing the important numbers had gone up. Not much, but they had gone up and I didn't need platelets right now. I go back in the morning to test again. I'm thankful I have a lidocaine cream, because even with a port, being stuck one day after another can be tender.
Oh and good news ... I mean great news! I don't have to have the shots anymore for right now. So tonight, I don't have to dread 9:00 and Mom doesn't have to give them anymore for now. We were both happy about that one!
This Saturday, we're going to this place called Butler's Orchard. You get to pick your own strawberries and blueberries. We're pretty excited about doing that family outing.
So things to pray for ...
- My counts continue to rise on the levels that need it the most
- I continue to gain weight
- Continued blessing and strength for my husband and mom who are doing extra to take care of me and Jonathan.
We covered a lot in our 2 hours together. We talked about everything from communication challenges between spouses to how to handle when others want to help or when they expect too much of you. I found several of the women mentioning how lots of people think once you're done with chemo or whatever treatment regimen you were given, many around us think, "Oh, they're done, they should be back to normal now." That's not the case. It's a stereotype I believed until today. I knew my body would take a week or so to feel better, but these women were saying it was more like months and sometimes even a year. I'm not discouraged, just thankful, because now I can communicate with others better now that I know.
When we talked about communicating with family, mothers became topic. I almost cried when talking about mine. There was one woman who said she had the expectation that her mom would come and help out or at least offer when she found out her daughter had cancer and she didn't. It was heartbreaking to hear of a momma who for whatever reason wasn't there for her daughter when she clearly needed her. The woman was saying she doesn't have a great relationship with her mom and she thinks that's why she isn't helping her today.
I hugged my Mom long and hard afterward and told her how thankful I was to have her here with me during this time.
After my group, I had labs. So I went to get my labs done assuming we'd be there for another 4 hours getting platelets. My labs came back showing the important numbers had gone up. Not much, but they had gone up and I didn't need platelets right now. I go back in the morning to test again. I'm thankful I have a lidocaine cream, because even with a port, being stuck one day after another can be tender.
Oh and good news ... I mean great news! I don't have to have the shots anymore for right now. So tonight, I don't have to dread 9:00 and Mom doesn't have to give them anymore for now. We were both happy about that one!
This Saturday, we're going to this place called Butler's Orchard. You get to pick your own strawberries and blueberries. We're pretty excited about doing that family outing.
So things to pray for ...
- My counts continue to rise on the levels that need it the most
- I continue to gain weight
- Continued blessing and strength for my husband and mom who are doing extra to take care of me and Jonathan.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
God Brought Me Through It
In the time between the last blog, lots has happened. I’ve had the stem cell harvest, my first chemo treatment, blood & platelet transfusions, and am now at home on a break before my next chemo treatment.
The stem cell harvest process was boring, just like my psychologist told me. I took a book (thanks Rachel Moore), my phone (for music), a couple magazines, and some dvd’s. Mom and I ended up watching Narnia together over a couple of nights. One of the side effects I had during the harvest was my feet and hands would get really tingly. Like when something falls asleep on your body. When I felt that, I had to eat a handful of TUMS. They worked. The stem cell harvest process started on my birthday, May 16 and was supposed to take as long as needed to get the 10 millions stem cells required. It took my 2 days for all those to be collected. Answered prayer right there that I didn’t haven’t to stay in the hospital for a week just for that. Now I don’t remember the placing of the catheter for this process. I had two plastic tubes sticking out of the left side of my neck. I couldn’t really straighten my head because of how it was taped, so it was pretty uncomfortable. I DO remember when they took it out. That hurt quite a bit. It felt like the doctor was putting his thumb in a hole in my neck. He probably was to stop bleeding or whatever. Ugh ... don’t like to think about it. God brought me through it. :)
Between the stem cell harvest and chemo, I went to the dentist and had a disappointing appt. It was found that I have 10 surface cavities. My own fault. I had not been to the dentist since I’d been married. I knew better. At least they’re all surface and easy to fix. Also, while at the dentist, we were told about a mouthwash called Mugard. I would swish or swallow if that’s where pain was for a minute. It’s supposed to be a help with one of the chemo’s side effects of your mouth swelling and essentially being burned. Mouth blisters and stuff like that. This Mugard wash is supposed to coat my mouth and protect it from all that rough stuff happening. I had a taste of that with radiation and it was pretty painful. It was very difficult to eat because of pain when swallowing. So even with a dentist visit that revealed way more that I wanted ... God brought me through it. :)
Next was the first chemo treatment Tuesday, May 22. I went in the night before to be admitted. The next day we started and they gave me the “big guns” with the nausea medicine. Man did that stuff work. I asked them why they couldn’t give it to me all the time since it worked so well. The doctor said it was because they wouldn’t have anything stronger to give me if I was feeling even more sick. It was supposed to last 5 days. I have 3 more doses of the 3 different kinds of chemo. After that, I should be done! Through the weight loss, I’ve still been able to eat. God has brought me through it. :)
I went in for some labwork last Friday thinking, “Oh, I’ll go in and then come home and start my weekend.” Not the case this time. My white blood cell count is almost not detectable, which is normal, according to my oncologist. Still kinda scary hearing your body has nothing to fight anything off. So now is the time I have to be SUPER careful around anyone with the sniffles or has been sick. Especially Jonathan. As a result of a .1 white blood cell count showing up, I had to have 2 units of blood and 1 unit of platelets. That was an all day process. We arrived at the lab at 8:30 and didn’t leave until around 5:00. Totally wasn’t expecting that which meant I didn’t bring anything to pass the time. I’m learning how to fall asleep sitting up more and more. My nurse was wonderful. She reminded me of a sweet woman I grew up with, so that helped my anxiety. She brought me a pillow and blanket and was just great. She had to take my vitals it seemed like every 5 minutes. It was probably more like 10-15. I felt so much better as I was leaving then when I had come in. Getting blood was what I needed most I guess. Maybe it was the platelets. Let’s just say both. I joked with Andrew in sending him pictures each time saying I was getting pineapple juice and and strawberry daquiri. Ugh ... I don’t wanna talk about that anymore either. I learned boredom on a whole new level! Mom was with me the entire time and helped me in whatever way she could making me comfortable. God brought me through it. :)
So that’s why I have the title of this blog God brought me through it. A lot has happened.
My next treatment should be around the end of the month. I’ll keep you posted when it gets closer.
Here are some new things to pray about ...
Weight gain - I still need to gain weight. Every lb. is essential. I’m at 100 right now, I need to be a little bit more. With nutrition, not with fluid.
Digestive system to work the way it should. Just being real with y’all. With nausea and constipation together, it makes for a pretty miserable feeling. Makes it hard to do a lot of stuff.
Thank God for my Momma being here and doing so much. Oh ... and for my family that allows me to have her. I love them in a new way because of this.
Thank God for Andrew’s boss being so understanding with all of this medical stuff. She’s been great with letting him come be with me or watch the baby to give Mom a break.
Jonathan - he’s been acting out a lot lately. I know he’s only 1 and 1/2, but a whiny baby all day is tough to rest with. I’m sure he’s just thrown off with all this stuff going on.
GSF shots - every night, Mom has to give me a shot (you guys know how I LOVE needles). I dread it each time. But God helps us both. I can’t imagine what she’s going through with having to give them knowing how I feel about it. We always pray afterward. Pray that these really boost my counts.
The stem cell harvest process was boring, just like my psychologist told me. I took a book (thanks Rachel Moore), my phone (for music), a couple magazines, and some dvd’s. Mom and I ended up watching Narnia together over a couple of nights. One of the side effects I had during the harvest was my feet and hands would get really tingly. Like when something falls asleep on your body. When I felt that, I had to eat a handful of TUMS. They worked. The stem cell harvest process started on my birthday, May 16 and was supposed to take as long as needed to get the 10 millions stem cells required. It took my 2 days for all those to be collected. Answered prayer right there that I didn’t haven’t to stay in the hospital for a week just for that. Now I don’t remember the placing of the catheter for this process. I had two plastic tubes sticking out of the left side of my neck. I couldn’t really straighten my head because of how it was taped, so it was pretty uncomfortable. I DO remember when they took it out. That hurt quite a bit. It felt like the doctor was putting his thumb in a hole in my neck. He probably was to stop bleeding or whatever. Ugh ... don’t like to think about it. God brought me through it. :)
Between the stem cell harvest and chemo, I went to the dentist and had a disappointing appt. It was found that I have 10 surface cavities. My own fault. I had not been to the dentist since I’d been married. I knew better. At least they’re all surface and easy to fix. Also, while at the dentist, we were told about a mouthwash called Mugard. I would swish or swallow if that’s where pain was for a minute. It’s supposed to be a help with one of the chemo’s side effects of your mouth swelling and essentially being burned. Mouth blisters and stuff like that. This Mugard wash is supposed to coat my mouth and protect it from all that rough stuff happening. I had a taste of that with radiation and it was pretty painful. It was very difficult to eat because of pain when swallowing. So even with a dentist visit that revealed way more that I wanted ... God brought me through it. :)
Next was the first chemo treatment Tuesday, May 22. I went in the night before to be admitted. The next day we started and they gave me the “big guns” with the nausea medicine. Man did that stuff work. I asked them why they couldn’t give it to me all the time since it worked so well. The doctor said it was because they wouldn’t have anything stronger to give me if I was feeling even more sick. It was supposed to last 5 days. I have 3 more doses of the 3 different kinds of chemo. After that, I should be done! Through the weight loss, I’ve still been able to eat. God has brought me through it. :)
I went in for some labwork last Friday thinking, “Oh, I’ll go in and then come home and start my weekend.” Not the case this time. My white blood cell count is almost not detectable, which is normal, according to my oncologist. Still kinda scary hearing your body has nothing to fight anything off. So now is the time I have to be SUPER careful around anyone with the sniffles or has been sick. Especially Jonathan. As a result of a .1 white blood cell count showing up, I had to have 2 units of blood and 1 unit of platelets. That was an all day process. We arrived at the lab at 8:30 and didn’t leave until around 5:00. Totally wasn’t expecting that which meant I didn’t bring anything to pass the time. I’m learning how to fall asleep sitting up more and more. My nurse was wonderful. She reminded me of a sweet woman I grew up with, so that helped my anxiety. She brought me a pillow and blanket and was just great. She had to take my vitals it seemed like every 5 minutes. It was probably more like 10-15. I felt so much better as I was leaving then when I had come in. Getting blood was what I needed most I guess. Maybe it was the platelets. Let’s just say both. I joked with Andrew in sending him pictures each time saying I was getting pineapple juice and and strawberry daquiri. Ugh ... I don’t wanna talk about that anymore either. I learned boredom on a whole new level! Mom was with me the entire time and helped me in whatever way she could making me comfortable. God brought me through it. :)
So that’s why I have the title of this blog God brought me through it. A lot has happened.
My next treatment should be around the end of the month. I’ll keep you posted when it gets closer.
Here are some new things to pray about ...
Weight gain - I still need to gain weight. Every lb. is essential. I’m at 100 right now, I need to be a little bit more. With nutrition, not with fluid.
Digestive system to work the way it should. Just being real with y’all. With nausea and constipation together, it makes for a pretty miserable feeling. Makes it hard to do a lot of stuff.
Thank God for my Momma being here and doing so much. Oh ... and for my family that allows me to have her. I love them in a new way because of this.
Thank God for Andrew’s boss being so understanding with all of this medical stuff. She’s been great with letting him come be with me or watch the baby to give Mom a break.
Jonathan - he’s been acting out a lot lately. I know he’s only 1 and 1/2, but a whiny baby all day is tough to rest with. I’m sure he’s just thrown off with all this stuff going on.
GSF shots - every night, Mom has to give me a shot (you guys know how I LOVE needles). I dread it each time. But God helps us both. I can’t imagine what she’s going through with having to give them knowing how I feel about it. We always pray afterward. Pray that these really boost my counts.
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