The Making of a Mask

Today, I went to a radiology appointment to have my mask made and drawn on for how they need to line me up for radiation. Oh and I have one tattoo mark on my chest. I guess that's for lining up too. Sorry, I won't be showing that one off. It's just a little dot anyway.
My appointment was at 10:45, but I set my alarm to drink a lot.
So we made it to the hospital and I thought I was fine, until they called me back. I asked the nurse what the procedure was like since the doctors had not told me. She explained it, in detail. I cried. Not because of what was coming, but because of how much I didn't know. This was the first time for anything like this and I was afraid of the unknown.
Then the doctor came in and explained it in further detail. I cried again. This time because it hit me that I have cancer and I'm starting radiation and chemo. I don't know why it just hit me now. But it did. It was a surreal moment. The doctor did very well in explaining everything and being very understanding about my crazy emotions. He told me, think of it as getting a facial. They not only did a mask of my face, but also of my pelvis. I'll be having radiation from my head to just about my tailbone. They want to cover the spine. The masks were to make sure I was lined up for everything.
I went in and the nurse told me to take everything off but my underwear and put the gown on. She was great too. The room was pretty cold. Not as cold as the MRI suite. I didn't know just how cold it was yet. So I hopped on the table and my oncologist (Dr. Jones) was there. I wasn't expecting him to be there. I'm not sure why it was such a big deal, but it was. I asked him if he was staying for the whole thing and he said yes. Well then the nurse said I'd be exposed for some parts, meaning towel off my chest. Great! 3 people I don't really know get to see my chest like it's nothing. That was the least of my worries.
So I laid down on the piece of plastic that would be my bed for the next at least 30 minutes. They pulled the sheet off I was also told not to move my head, not to talk, and to keep my eyes closed. I did all of that, but could hear everything (clipping of mask, bed I was on going in and out of CT machine, etc) I later told Andrew that watching the original of Planet of the Apes before this procedure wasn't a good idea. My reasoning for that is because your mind wanders, or the devil used it against me.
So the head mask was finished and they did the pelvic one next. I was sort of thankful for that one because I was really shaking by then. It felt pretty good. I do remember feeling my stomach as I was breathing.
I did have one moment when the devil fed me a lie of if they started cutting on me or causing me pain, I'd have NO way out since I was in these hard cast things clamped to the bed.
I told him to leave me alone and he did. Now here's something I forgot to mention earlier. When I went in the CT machine for the first round of pictures I remember praying "Jesus help me, I need to feel you!" Almost immediately, a song was brought to my mind that I believe was an answer from above. I don't remember the name of the song, but I know the lyrics. It was from an elementary musical I helped out with in high school. Here are the words of the chorus...
I am with you wherever you go
I am with you you are never alone
I am with you my heart is your home
My child, I am with you
So there it is! My encouragement that got me through most of this experience. I'm not sure how long the whole process lasted. I really don't care anymore, now that it's over.
I remember crying after I sat up from having both masks removed. The nurse asked me why I was crying and I just told her I'm so glad that everything's over. She gave me a hug and helped me off the table. I was so glad to get into clothes since I was cold and that this big step was over.
I think I cried again when I saw Mom and Andrew in the waiting room. Happy tears of course. Like they were there to save me. lol.
A couple other cool things that God did today were help me with my sight and hearing. As most of you may know, I've been super sensitive to sound and light to the point of wearing sunglasses and earplugs almost all the time. So today, I didn't wear my sunglasses and have been without my earplugs for half a day! Yay God!!
Oh the other thing with my vision was I am able to look up!! With how the tumor was positioned and causing pressure on my eyes, I've had great difficulty looking up at all. I often had to ask whoever was talking with me to sit down so I could see them. Not today! I was able to look at the face of whoever was speaking to me! I remember thinking last night about it and how I wouldn't be able to drive with that challenge, or I wouldn't feel like it would be safe enough for Jonathan to be in a moving vehicle with me. Then I thought of how if this was a permanent challenge that we most likely couldn't add to our family because if I couldn't drive one around, how would I do it with any more? How would I get a lot of things done? Grocery shopping, taking him to school, going to the library, etc. It was a moment that was sort of sad but the Lord has healed me!! Jesus is my Healer!
So that's my story for today. Those are my blessings. It was an emotional roller coaster, but I'm closer to being better! Oh and my oncologist and one of my nurses from the mask thing were believers. Sometimes I feel like I need to draw the first half of the fish before I talk anyone and see if they'll draw the second half. :) It's so nice to know I am surrounded by brothers and sisters in Christ through this mountain.
Talk with y'all later!