Take a Deep Breath & Have a Strawberry Frosted Donut

This morning, I was able to be a part of witnessing miracles happen before my eyes. I was scheduled for an MRI at 10:30 and I was dreading it since I knew an IV was needed for contrast and the medicine that was supposed to sedate me.

The first challenge was in arriving at the office at 9:00 and not getting in until 10:30. That entire time, sitting there, I was trying to distract myself from thinking of what was coming by going on Facebook on my phone, looking at pictures and videos on my camera, and talking to Andrew. I tried to sleep, but it was difficult because I didn't want to wake up to going to be stuck. I hate that! It happened a lot in WA when the nurse would come in at 12:00 and say, "Lindsey, it's time for your morning labs." Ugh, I'm so glad I don't have that anymore.

Next came the actual MRI. I had a wonderful and understanding nurse who reminded me of my best friend's momma, Carla. That helped because Miss Carla is a sweet sweet woman! So she gave me some encouraging words about how she didn't like MRIs either or needles in fact. I still was nervous and started praying. I asked her how long the first session was and if they would sedate me. She said your first session is 20 minutes and they don't sedate you. My heart sank. 20 minutes of loud banging?!?! I then asked for ear plugs and a blanket. It was freezing in that room! Ask Andrew!! Oh he had to change in a gown to be with me later. Poor guy. That's the least he could do for me eh?

So they started the process and I got in the machine and forgot that I didn't have a cloth over my eyes. I don't like small spaces, so that's another reason I don't like MRI's and why they sedate me. So I asked her, "Can I have a cloth for my eyes? I'm sorry! I forgot to ask before we started." She was so patient. She rolled me out, gave me the cloth and gave me some encouraging words again. I prayed. So we started again and then I realized I had to go to the bathroom. No ... Just kidding. We started and I immediately was thankful for my earplugs!! I don't know if anyone ever does one of these things without earplugs, but it's gotta be damaging to your ears! If it seems loud with ear plugs in, I can't imagine how loud it is without. Oh, and the nurse put these rubber things next to my head to stabilize it I think. That helped with the sound as well. I had never had those before.
So the first session lasted a total of 20 minutes. Each section whether it was quiet to get ready for the next picture or 3 minutes long, the nurse would get on the speaker and tell me what to prepare for. It helped so much!! Here's the first of many miracles .... I was able to pray for others! I'm not sure if any of you have had an MRI but those of you who have know how stinkin' loud it is and it's hard to even think straight in that much noise. So it was a miracle that I could pray for anyone or anything! I tried it last time and just couldn't do it. I prayed for everyone from my family to Will Ferrell. Now the Will Ferrell one is funny. So one of the MRI noises sounded like a cowbell and all I could think of was the Saturday Night Live cowbell episode with him in it. I didn't see the actual full episode, but I did see that part on youtube once. So I laughed and thanked God for the humor in the noise and asked Him to lead Will Ferrell to Him. So I hope Will Ferrell finds Jesus soon!
Now here's the next miracle. I was praying for either Randy or Mindi ... I don't remember, but I prayed for both again later on. I fell asleep!!!! It was such a miracle!! Who can fall asleep in that thing. I must have been exhausted from anxiety or something. I'm not going to try to figure it out. It just was a God moment!
Before I knew it, I woke up and it was time for the next round. Which was only 10 minutes I think. So they rolled me out and Andrew came in because the next part required contrast and sedation. So I thought. So the kind nurse came out and talked me through and IV placement. Didn't hurt too bad. I had my handsome hubby's hand to squeeze the crud out of. Believe me I did! Even though it didn't hurt too bad. I just like to know I have his finger to squeeze on. My daddy and sister made me a stress balloon out of a glove to squeeze on, but I like to have Andrew around. He helps me through things! Thanks Daddy and Michelle for that glove though, it helps when I don't have Andrew. It smells good too. :)
So the nurse had trouble with the first IV because my veins are so small. She told me that it shouldn't burn with the medicine going in. But it did. So she had to take it out. I was so aggravated. I told her, "I'm going to try not to be mad at you." I knew it wasn't her fault but it felt like it. I really do HATE needles. But I'm so thankful for nurses like this one I had. After her first try wasn't a success, thankfully she went and got help. I don't remember her doing this because I kept my eyes closed the entire time. Then I had the next challenge. I started to shiver ... lots!! Like my legs shaking almost as bad as labor ... which was a lot. I was so cold. They had me squeezing what felt like a pool noodle to try to get the vein to pop up I guess. So I had to try to focus on calming down from shivering, squeeze whatever they gave me in both hands, and then breathe through the anxiety of an IV not working and waiting to be poked again.
Then I started crying ... or trying to at least. All I remember is feeling completely overwhelmed with everything I had to focus on and I just felt like I couldn't do it. I knew the hard work I had ahead of me still. Wow, now that I think of it ... this sounds just like my labor experience. I remember crying at one point from being so tired and knowing I had to still push ... oh man. Not a fun feeling at all.
So the next nurse was able to get an IV in my hand pretty quick. He didn't even warn me with counting. Just poke ... and we're in! I'm not sure if I like that way better. It still hurt. Anyway, I hardly felt the contrast this time. I remember telling Andrew, "Pray these veins cooperate! I'm not sure how much more I can take!" The nurse who put the IV that worked in was great. I told him, "You must be an angel!" He thought that was pretty funny!
Then the 2nd session started. But what I didn't know was that I wasn't given any sedation medicine! That's the third miracle. All, with the help of Jesus, I was able to get through a very long MRI without sedation medication!!! Now I know I can do that! That means I can't be afraid of MRIs anymore. Dangit!! Anyway, I went in wanting to rub this whole thing in the face of the devil as far as being tough and not crying before the IV and freaking out. I freaked out in the lobby a little bit, but I didn't cry. That was my big thing. I did feel a tiny bit discouraged when I cried when I felt overwhelmed. But I do remember saying "Jesus, help me!" through the tears of frustration. He did!
So I didn't fall sleep through the 2nd session, but it wasn't bad. I don't remember praying, but I'm sure I did. I do remember breathing through it like labor and feeling super cold again. Yes, I did pray! Because I asked God to not let me fall asleep because I would catch myself holding my breath and I didn't want to fall asleep and forget to breathe. I know that's dumb. I prayed for Angela Engle because she helped me through labor with Jonathan and I was reminded of it as I was breathing the Bradley Method way. :) Before I knew it, they came on the speaker and said we're done! Those were the best words of the day!!! When they rolled me out, I kept telling the nurses, "I can't believe I'm done!" I asked them if they were certain they got everything. lol.
Then Andrew helped me get dressed and go get a strawberry frosted donut to celebrate. I told Andrew, "I know someone told me cancer feeds off sugar, but I think I deserve at least half a donut because of what I just went through. We ended up getting lunch at the subway next door too.
So cool huh? God did miracles right where I was!! Andrew was probably aggravated with me afterwards because I wouldn't shut up about how God just did so much in there. I was so relieved to be done. Then my bad news came. :(
Andrew and I went to the neurosurgery clinic to meet up with a nurse and then Andrew told me I have to have a spinal tap and before my port procedure. I almost cried. This is one of my biggest fears. I've messaged a friend on facebook about it, since she's had one; asking her what to expect. I've heard they hurt a lot. So I'm pretty scared. I know they can sedate me, but I'm not sure if it's better to be sedated and feel everything or go the other way with nothing and be able to cry or scream or whatever. I'm not looking forward to it.
So when we ran into the dr and nurse at the neurosurgery clinic, they both looked at each other and said, "No, she doesn't need a spinal tap, they can take from the other one." I don't believe them yet. I'm waiting to hear for certain whether or not I have to have one. I'd rather think I do and be pleasantly surprised with a nevermind, rather than think I don't have to have one and then be told I have an appt. in a couple days. I'm weird like that!
I know this is a super long post. No apologies though! :)
My mom wrote to a gospel singing group called Sisters (a trio of women that sing beautifully and a couple of them were part of a group called the Ruppes) Annyway, I remember growing up hearing them played in the car as a little girl. So Mom wrote them on facebook about a song named I'm Going To Make It Through. If you get a chance you should look up the lyrics on my page. They posted on their page "For Lindsey Hanson ..." and then the lyrics and a video of them singing it. Isn't that cool!?
Oh and on Monday, Montel Williams will be at one of the other Fisher Houses cooking for us! We'll have ribs, chili, and a bunch of other things! I get to meet a celebrity! I'll take a picture for you guys. I think it's cool when famous people take time to serve others. I have a lot of respect for those that do that.