This post might not be as uplifting or positive as others. Just being real with y'all. Right now I'm in a level 8 pain on a scale of 1-10. It's 6:30 and I've been with this challenge since 3:00 am. This by far is the worst part and I'm hoping and praying it's yet another side effect from thne steroid decadron. I'm having an extremely hard time being thankful for this medicine right now in this moment. Then I'm going to pray I don't have to use this steroid ever again. Although I am still very thankful for medicine and how it helps!!
New names - here's a silly part for ya. My daddy was rubbing my head yesterday and said, "Aw, you remind me of one of my puppies named Hutch." I asked him to tell me about the dog because I'd never heard about it before. It was my Mom's first and ONLY dog lol. She wants y'all to know that. Anyway, he was rubbin' and I said that should be one of my cancer names. Yep, that's right ... just one. There's more and I'm sure others to follow.
The other name goes with the movie Finding Nemo. You guys know Dory right? Well another extremely frustrating side effect of something I'm probably on, hopefully... is short term memory loss. I just had to ask Mom "It's short term memory loss right?" Wow ... that's sort of discouraging. Blessing in the middle!!!!! Advil is kicking in and the pain is starting to lessen. THANK YOU JESUS! I'm living out a miracle!!!!
Okay, back to Dory. So she has short term memory loss and now so do I. I'm not sure if this is something I need to get used to or not. If so, I'm really going to need your prayers. I've already started writing everything down like when and where pain starts, how I react to different medications. I'm just afraid of the future with Jonathan. I don't wanna forget my son somewhere or get lost in another town or who knows what. I'm not going to talk about it anymore though, because the devil will feed me lies like strawberry frosted donuts and sometimes I eat them. So Hutch or Dory will go fine. I might forget to answer but I'll eventually get it.
Rough night - so last night by far was the hardest night up to this point. I think it was the first time I felt like saying I can't do this. It's too much. I GIVE UP! The pain was excruciating and there were times it felt like it took every ounce of strength just to whisper "Jesus help me!!!" I don't tell y'all this to make you feel sorry, just to try to give you a glimpse of how bad I was hurtin' but also how good my Jesus is!! He brought me through it. Daddy had to come hug me in bed since I couldn't walk, but I was able to cry with him goodbye. He prayed over me and is now on the road. Pray for him as he has that long drive home to FL. Jesus brought me through the night y'all! Praise Him!!!
Things to pray for ... this is the good part! No special order, just do it.
- Side effects - no I'm not complaining just talking again. So why don't we pray together about side effects from chemo or anything else to come quickly so it can be treated in the best way possible.
- Spiritual attack - so since I've been climbing this mountain of brain cancer, my spiritual senses have been heightened to what is going on around me. Almost all the time. Not a bad thing most of the time. So I can feel spiritual attack pretty strong when I'm in the middle of it. Never experienced it like this before. So here's how you can pray along with me. When the devil is attacking, that God will bring Scripture of truth to mind so I can fight Satan's lies.
- My husband, Andrew - so most of you know that God has blessed me beyond belief with an amazing man in Andrew. I'm discovering each day how we were made for each other. God is pretty dang good at match making. Anyway, pray for Andrew as he too, will have a very challenging year ahead. He's going to be taking care of Jonathan almost all by himself and that alone is going to be tough. You know how men sometimes just don't know what to do for a baby. He's learning still. Not sayin' I have it all together. Just lift him up please. Plus, he has sleep apnea and we're working on getting his CPAP machine. He often tells me he's tired or exhausted and I'm pretty sure it's because he is not getting good sleep. Pray that I'll be compassionate towards him when he tells me he's exhausted. Sometimes I feel like hitting his arm and saying me too! I know he's tired though. God will give him energy. He's done it for me and I know he'll provide that need for my dear husband.
- Future appointments - so there is one appointment coming that I'm not looking forward to. It's where I have to be fitted for a mask for radiation, I think. I DO NOT like being closed in and having things over my face. Pray that I can make it through that one. I know I can because Luke 1:37 says with God ALL things are possible; & Phil. 4:13 reminds me I can do ALL things through Christ who gives me strength.
Boldness & courage - that I will continue to grow in my walk with Jesus so I can be in tune with hearing the voice of the Holy Spirit. I don't ever want to lose the ability to hear God's voice telling me to do something. It's up to me whether or not I obey. I think I choose the Jesus way. It's always best.
- How can I pray for you? Please let me know of ways to pray for you. When I wake up in the middle of the night unable to sleep, that's the first thing I ask God. Who would you like me to pray for? So please, it would be my pleasure to know how I can lift you up before our Heavenly Father. I'm serious. I'll have to write it down, but know that I will pray.
Okay, that's all for the prayer stuff right now. More to come later.
I think that might be all for this post. I really am trying to keep them short. Just set aside at least 15 minutes every time you check this thing. I will work on my part. God is SO good.
Oh and be sure to let me know how God is growing you too! I want to hear how he's challenging you guys. I love to hear how he's working in the lives of other people.
No comments:
Post a Comment